1.15.2011

"This is Haiti"

Ok. Now it feels real. I don't think I really believed that I was actually staying here when the team all went home. I mean, I told the kids that I would be back Sunday, but it didn't feel real. Now it does. I said goodbye to my last pieces of America about 6 hours ago. I hugged everyone once, then once again. Then one last time, I hugged a teary-eyed little sister and as they were all leaving I kinda wanted to scream out, "Wait!! Take me with you!!" It feels real now. I wiped silent tears from my eyes as we drove home from the airport. I'm not sure why the tears were there, but they were... There are so many reasons. I laughed and told Betty that I didn't expect to cry and I was suprised that Hope cried and she said, "Well. This IS Haiti."

I couldn't help but smile knowing that was true. Of all the tears I've cried in the last year, 99% of them were for this country. Sadness and grieving over the quake. Missing my Haitian people. Joy for them when I heard good news. Rejoicing with tears over lives saved from death and darkness. Hopeful tears when I see the changes in my village and thankful tears when I see my kiddos singing praises to our Savior.

So, this IS Haiti- TIH.
Haiti has a way of opening your eyes. Shaking you up. Messing with your heart.

...And making you want nothing more than to live in a village and have your name pronouced wrong  forever(NOwaa or nOelle) because that means you can hold the hands of your little black babies and kiss them and hug them again and again and tell them over and over that you love them and that they are special.

I wish with all my heart I had a picture to put up to illustrate what I'm feeling, but I either misplaced my camera or it got relocated by one of the locals and I lost my pictures from last week... I'll be sure to take another one, but I'll describe the specific picture I want you to see.

One of my babies... she's nine years old, but is about the size of an American 4 year old. Missing one of her front teeth and waiting for a grown up tooth to replace it. Poofy pigtails in her hair with bows at the end. Brown striped shirt. You can tell she is going to be BEAUTIFUL when she grows up. We are talking. She is holding my hands and touching my hair and face like I'm some kind of novelty... (which I guess I am because not only am I white... I am SUPER white... like almost clear! But that's beside the point.) She kisses my forehead and tells me she loves me. I wanted to cry right there but instead I gave her a huge hug and told her I loved her back. Later I get my camera to get a picture with her. First picture, no smile. Typical for Haitian kids. Second picture, I tell her to smile and get the tiniest smile you've ever seen. Third picture, I say, "Big big big smile!" I get the most adorabe, one-tooth-missing smile you've ever seen as I hold her on my hip and she has a death grip on my neck. Jessica is why I'm here.

I want to just love these children forever. Spend time with them. Kids are so easy to talk to. I don't have to worry about my grammar, or sentence structure, or even vocab because they are so happy to be touched and held.

I love my babies. And I can not wait to see them tomorrow when I get back to Ti Guinea!
I don't know what I will do with my life or where I will be in 20 years, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what I was created to do from now until May.

Love God's Children. This is Haiti. This is why I'm here.

3 comments:

Jack said...

I'm jealous and proud of you Noelle. This is an awesome opportunity. Miss ya. Hoping to come back and see ya over spring break. thanks for the updates! Praying for ya,

Jacki

Elizabeth said...

Approx how much would it cost to come visit?

Noelle Gonzalez said...

Elizabeth,

It depends on how long you are going to be here. If you are for real shoot me a facebook message!! :) I'd love to see you!

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