Beauties & Babies

 

Do you ever have one of those moments where it feels like everything is just “Working”? you woke up early without your alarm, drank your whole cup of tea before it got cold, your hair looks good, it’s sunny and 73*, you went on a five mile walk in your healthy body, cleared your mind of stress and anxiety lurking in the corners, you stopped by a friend’s house unannounced because you were walking by and couldn’t wait to share what a great day you were having, and just word vomit all your hopes and dreams in their lap, and then on your walk home you just had enough energy and excitement to run the last bit (and LIKE IT?!?) In that moments you feel like you can dream for your future, see clearly what it is that you are passionate about, and your thoughts are not clouded by doubt or fear or whatever other lies you let rule your mind? That afternoon for me was Thursday, August 20, 2015. I felt so energized. But that energy I had cannot carry me through forever, so I had to act.

Recently I posted on social media about my last day at work. It was bittersweet to leave that job that shaped me as a nurse, and the co-workers turned dear friends, but I am even more excited about what is to come. I’m moving toward what moves me. Women move me. I care about women, I care about health, and I care about being a woman who moves other women. It’s hard to be a woman, but it’s also one of the things I’m most thankful for. A woman I follow on Instagram posted the

the picture above, and I think it is so true, when women encourage and empower other women it empowers and encourages them too, and allows them to continue encouraging and empowering more women.

So here’s the long and short of it. I am transitioning out of being a cardiac nurse to being a Women’s Health Advocate/Cheerleader/Educator/Encourager. (That’s the title I just came up with for myself.) 

•  For my “day” job (which will actually be my night job) I will be working at John Peter Smith Hospital here in Fort Worth in their Labor & Delivery department. 
• The rest of my “nurse” time will be spent continuing to volunteer at the Fort Worth Pregnancy Center, empowering women to make informed and healthy choices about their unplanned pregnancy, and giving them all the loving support they need to do so. 
• Also, I have started working with Beauty Counter. It is an amazing company that I’m learning so much through being a part of, and guess what?! It’s mostly women empowering women to make healthy choices! Are we seeing a pattern yet?  (More on Beauty Counter later). 
• Additionally, I’m planning to move forward with my yoga practice and become certified to teach. My girls and guys at The Yoga Project have changed my life in ways I didn’t see coming, and I want to be a part of that life-change too. 
• And I would really love to start writing/blogging again because, for me, that brings about a lot of positive mental health in my life.

I’m making dreams for the future, dreams of how I’ll spend my time, how I’ll impact, encourage, and empower women, and mostly dreams of who I’ll meet and how what they will teach me. It’s too easy to become insecure and full of comparison. I do that every day. We have enough people telling us we are doing it wrong. Someone needs to encourage and tell us that we are doing it right. So I’m both excited and scared. Of course, I’m terrified about working nights, I hate staying up past 10PM. I’m definitely concerned that I’m going to miss my husband all the time between me working nights and him being in medical school. But I’m thankful he’s supportive. Sure I’m worried about learning new things, changing from the private to the county hospital, being responsible for the freshest lives on the whole planet, and making new friends. I definitely feel inadequate when I go in to inform a scared girl or woman of her results pertaining to an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. Of course I’m worried that through being in a direct sales company people will think I’m being judgy or salesy instead of informative, educational, and caring. Or that people won’t want to be around me because I talk about woman stuff, use woman words that no normal people are comfortable with using. I’m definitely scared to start my blog back up, I mean can I even write (seriously, I used the word woman/women and encourage and empower literally every other word in the second paragraph of this post! Seriously, have I ever used a thesaurus?) who even cares about what I have to say? (Hi mom!) My life isn’t as cool as it used to be 4 years ago when I lived in a developing country, spoke another language 24/7 and had no indoor plumbing. And of course I get insecure when I think about talking to women about their health? Who wants to listen to me? I am far from having the perfect body, balanced hormones, and an all clean GMO free, organic, solar powered, super productive life. But hey, we are all in this together. And I pray that as I walk this journey of life that I do it giving grace and living under the grace that my Heavenly Father has given me.

So that’s my brief update about life. Hopefully, if all goes as planned, I’ll keep up with the blog and you’ll hear more about my job, my life, my marriage, the food I’m eating, the yoga pose I’m working on, and maybe how I decorated my mantle for Fall.

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Progress!!!! This is the first time I've pushed the "Publish" button since January of 2012, and even that was basically a re-blog of an old post. This is kinda the first original post since I blogged regularly in 2011, but I made progress I hit that "publish" button!

Thankful Thursdays

Three things I’m thankful for Thursday.

Thankfulness is something that I think everyone can use more of. Especially me. I have so much to be thankful for, but I don’t always take the time to sit and think about it. I saw a sign the other day that said, “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday.”  Many people save their thankfulness for November around Thanksgiving, but I’ve decided to take some time out of every week to thank God for His gifts, whether big or small. Significant, or insignificant.

I must admit. The “Three Things I’m Thankful for” Theme is not a totally original idea. One of my best friends, and roommate of 3 years started it. Except her “Three things” is on Monday. So I’m giving Kylie the credit for the idea! You should check out her blog, "Polka Dotted Days" too! (For real, check it out. She's super funny!)

Last Wednesday night, as I was laying in bed and throwing myself a little pity party, I decided to snap out of it and be thankful! And so was born, the weekly ....

(...Except, at the time I didn't have internet, so I'm just now posting it... I'll work on getting it on the right day!)

1.       These guys! Gersan and Betty Valcin are my other set of parents. They have truly been such a blessing this past year, and have been so wonderful to do ministry with. Gersan is the optimist I hope to be one day, and Betty is full of wisdom and truth. I’m honored that they call me their other daughter, and I’m so blessed by their hearts!

2. Electric tennis racquets. (Ok, I didn’t say each of the things I’m thankful for were going to be earth shattering…)These things are a for-real, a lifesaver though. They provide an effective way to kill mosquitoes, and make it a fun sport, all at the same time. I am not as effective as some people with the racquets, as is evidenced by my thoroughly  bitten legs, arms, and face. Betty could totally give Venus and Serena a run for their money with her mosquito killing tennis skills though.  (please ignore the crazy eyes and the bad web-cam quality photo)

3.    God’s plan. Through many tears last night I thanked God for His perfect plan. I am back, or rather, still in the land of Inbetween. But I’m so thankful that I can remind myself “all things work together for good to them that love the Lord.” That God has got whatever is going on in my life under control and He knows what’s coming even though I don’t.  I’m thankful for His plan. I’m thankful I can trust Him. And as much as I fight and cry and wish sometimes, I am thankful He’s in charge.

...And so begins the Thankful Thursdays! Thanks for the inspiration, Kylie!

Today I'm thankful for

There is always that moment when you sit down to write something and you stare at the page for 20 minutes before realizing that you've not only just wasted 20 minutes of your life, but have made no progress on the task at hand.
I've been in that situation so many, many times in the last few months. Today it would have happened, but I decided that instead of wasting time writing a personal statement I would write it in the blog. There was a time where I could sit down and write the fool out of this blog. I had thoughts. They were collected. They felt less like crazy and more like normal. I used to write blogs in my head, even the funny parts, which would make me laugh to myself at my own silly humor. And then I would sit and write them out for real.

I still write blogs in my head. I still make myself laugh for no reason. But I haven't written them out for real. I've currently got about 4 drafts of different blogs that haven't made the cut to get published. Writing helps me process, but hitting that "publish" button gives me closure. My heart rate races a little before pushing that little orange button, then I have about 2 seconds of "OH NO!! Did I just do that? Then I realize its done, its out there, and I can relax." So today. I'm going to publish. I may not even proofread because when I do I take out things, or get too chicken to publish. So here's to publishing... (I wish I actually had a glass of wine to toast with... that helps with the pre-publishing jitters.)


Life recently has been interesting. Life recently has been fast paced. Life recently has been wonderful. I've been dying to write about life recently, but I always chicken out. I feel like I owe it to my readers, if I still have any, to play catch up, but I'm not really going to. I think that's why I haven't written.

Life recently has taught me so much. About life, love, friendship, blessings, joys, hope, and trust.

I've been striving to live today. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, not next year, but today. Focus on today, enjoy today! Its too overwhelming to focus on tomorrow, I have no idea what I'm going to be doing... hopefully attacking the mountain of laundry threatening to take over my bedroom. Its too emotional to think about next week, and how next week I'll be back in Haiti. I'm so happy, I miss them so much. Emotional, good emotional, but still emotional. Its too overwhelming to think about next month, and how I still won't have heard back from nursing schools. But maybe by then I'll have gotten a job!? Its too far away to think about next year and how I have no clue what life will be like, but I do know this.... Today is here.

Today, my parents have packed up the important worldly possessions that we have. They are waiting on pins and needles, watching the smoke from the Magnolia wildfire rise, watching the ash fall, and waiting for a phone call telling them to evacuate.

Today, I'm thankful for my the friends that God has put in my life. How blessed I've been the last 2 weeks by the people who care about me and love me.

Today, I'm thankful for this past month. I know that doesn't fall into the category of "today", but still. I'm the boss of this blog, so I can write what I want! I've had a wonderful month. I've laughed so much. Laughter is so healthy! I'm thankful for the time that I have had with my boyfriend, Daniel. We started dating when I was in Haiti and our communication abilities were very limited. Then when I got home we were at camp, he was the program director and I was there working as well. At camp we had to put our relationship on hold and essentially pretend that we weren't dating. This is hard to explain to those outside the camp world, but camp is about the campers and if our focus is on another individual then we've failed at serving them effectively. So I only really got to spend time with Daniel on the weekends, and we were both so tired and the weekends were so short that it was never enough. August has been my favorite month so far. We've gotten to talk, actually be together, and not pretend we don't know each other, we've laughed, road tripped between Tomball and Dallas, and even, at times reverted back to skyping. However, skyping when I'm in America is different than when I was in Haiti. Here it works like normal. In Haiti it worked like a bad version of AOL instant messenger. I am fully convinced that a little man had to swim my typed messages from the coast of Haiti to the Gulf of Mexico and then run to Dallas and deliver it to Dan. Anyway, bottom line, I'm thankful for Daniel today, and thankful for all the times that Daniel has made me laugh till I cried this month. What a blessing!

Today, I'm also thankful that I'm blogging. I love writing. Its like running. (I don't love running, don't get me wrong... that's not what I mean.) Its like running in that I love it when I'm doing it. I've only loved running once in my life. I was on a running kick. It was a love hate relationship. I hated it while I was doing it, but then felt good about myself afterwards, then I had an accident involving a wet curb, and my knee. And I quit running after that. Point being, blogging is like running in that when you are in the practice of it its so good, you get the endorphin high, its not hard to do, but when you fall and quit running, or just quit blogging its hard to get back into it. I sit and stare at the computer until I give up and browse pinterest, just like I put on my running shoes, and then make excuses to not go running. So today, I'm thankful for blogging. Hopefully I'll get back into it. Hopefully I can give my blog a facelift. Hopefully... we'll see... I'll take it one day at a time.

Today, I'm thankful for the "publish'  button and how I can push it without proofreading, because I know if I proofread, I'll chicken out and not post this....

so here goes.... (still wish I had that glass of wine.)

Weekends are....

...weird.

Weekends hold so much variety. They can be so hard, so lonely, so slow. But they can also be so beautiful, so refreshing, so free.

This weekend, so far has been all of those things.

(Disclaimer: This post is more of a details-of-the-day post. Sorry for giving you all the details and no real thoughts, but my creativity is zilch right now.)

On Friday afternoon Guerline left and went to Limbe, planning on returning on Monday night. This gives me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night all alone. Half of me was excited to have some time where I'm alone and can just relax, do whatever I want, talk to myself without feeling totally crazy (I live on an island and have no one to speak English to... don't judge, you'd do it too!), whatever. Then Friday night came.
I checked skype. No one there.
My friends and family were all working, celebrating birthdays, going out with friends, taking weekend vacations, etc. I felt so alone. Then I wished Guerline was here. Instead of doing the normal thing that most human beings would do (enjoy some peace, read a book, etc.) I allowed myself to get very lonely. Cried a little, (ok, ok. a lot.) and went to sleep around 7pm, (yes I'm aware that I'm a grandma.) Around 11, I got an urgent text from a dear sweet friend of mine. Her brother was in the hopsital, very scary situation. I cried some more. Wishing I could do something. I hated that I wasn't there to talk to her or help in some way. Its hard to say, "Call me if you need anything at any time of day/night. I'm here for you." When your phone signal is spotty and you are oceans away.
I couldnt sleep again, so I distracted myself by doing some catch up reading on a few blogs, and eventually went back to sleep around 3am feeling much more peaceful and sane than I did at 7pm earlier.

Saturday was pretty stellar, and included all of my favorite things.

Jenny, (my baby) came by to visit me. She is such a cuddle bug, and I love that! One of the things I didn't think about before coming here was how much of a touch person I am. And how much I would miss being hugged all the time. (Meaning that when I come home I'm expecting all of you to hug me like you mean it!!!)

The whether was perfect: sunny, but not scorchingly so. I took a nice, long, cold shower (not my favorite, but being clean is nice), washed my hair for the first time in, well its not important how long its been, but I felt refreshed and clean. Then I warmed up dinner, which happened to be my absolute favorite Haitian food and skyped with a friend and compared our awesome days while I ate. After that I put fresh sheets on my bed, and it started raining on the tin roof (my favorite). After that I texted my mom for a while and had a few good laughs.

Since I had finished the book I was reading (Crazy love, by Francis Chan) that afternoon while Jenny was sleeping, I decided to start another. I began reading God Is the Gospel, by John Piper.  Y'all. Go buy this book and start reading it now! I'm only through the introduction and chapter 1, but its SO good so far. My sister, Gracie gave me Crazy love when she was here in February, and my dear friends Jeff and Natalie, whom I've adopted into the family, gave me God is the Gospel for my birthday in September. I can't believe I haven't started it until now, but I'm glad I finally started! So Saturday was just all around a great day! Praise God for days like that!

Today has been good so far. Sundays are always hard, but today hasn't been as hard as others. I figure Sundays are what you make of them. So I've started going to 2 churches on Sundays. The one here in the village. And also my church back home... (Thank you podcasts. My mom raved about the "Gospel of John" series back in '09, but I hadn't gotten to listen to it until now!)

Something I thought I'd never do that I did today... Listen to a sermon and suck on a mango and pick mango fibers out of my teeth... (I hope God didn't mind. I was enjoying His creation!)

So I guess the point of this post is to say that sometimes weekends are weird. This weekend I went from crying myself to sleep on Friday night, to having an awesome day on Saturday, to having what is so far, a pretty great Sunday. And I'm sure tonight will complete the weekend of awesome-weirdness!

If you are still reading this post you must be truely dedicated. I feel so lame that I'm just spouting off details of the day. I'm sorry if I bored you. I'll try harer next time. But for those of you that wonder what I do on a day to day basis and what little things make me happy (skype conversations, cuddly babies, cold showers, rain on the tin roof.)... Well. Now you know!

Have a Happy Sunday!

10 on Tuesday

Today is the 10 on Tuesday: Thankfulness edition.   (Its very long and wordy. But I am thankful for so much!)

Today God has opened my eyes to the beauty around me in Himself, in His people, and in His nature.

1. I'm sure you all have noticed, or I have told you how I've been missing home the past week or so. Its been hard. There have been times I wondered what possessed me to think I could do this for almost 5 months? I've cried. I've been upset. I've wanted to go home. As that was happening I began to lose my love for where I am and for the people I'm with. I started to only think about home. And at times, be upset with my decision to be here. Today. That is not the story. Beginning Saturday I started to feel more "here" than I had for about a week. Today, I feel totally here. Its been so wonderful. I had started to get nervous that I was going to spend the next 50 days counting down to coming home and not enjoying my time here. I am still looking forward to coming home, and I'm still missing people greatly, but I know the time will come to leave and I will be sad. I didn't want to leave with a bad taste in my mouth I wanted to spend the last two months I have here "ALL HERE" and that's how I feel today. Being all here has opened my eyes to many other of God's blessings that I had been missing. So, today I'm thankful for being 'here'.

2. Today I'm thankful for the mountains! I was walking to school today and looked up, I usually look down at the road because there are boulders, trash, animal excrement, and sometimes snakes that I like to avoid stepping on when I can. Today I looked up and was struck by the beauty. I truely live in the most beautiful place on earth! There is a huge gorgeous mountain in my back yard, an entire mountain range in my front yard, and river and hillside in my side yard. If I climb any of these hills I can see the whole valley. Lush, covered in trees bearing fruit like mangos, banannas, coconuts, among others. It is truely a gorgeous place. I had been missing it, so today I'm thankful for my eyes being opened to beauty.

3. I think a lot of my homesickness and feeling lonely was due to the fact that I have been doing a lot of work on my computer and haven't had the chance to go out in the village and visit with my friends. Even that short walk through the village is so special. I pass by the houses of those in the village and the children run out to say hello. The women look up from their washing clothes, or braiding hair, or whatever the chore of the afternoon is, and greet me. In recent months its not such a big deal for me to walk down the road. I've become somewhat normal. And I love that! I love that they know me. They know my schedule, and I'm just a part of their village. I walk by and have random coversations with the machans- street vendors. They make their food. The best I can describe it is little pillows full of a Haitian type of cole-slaw that are then deep fried to a golden brown. I've never tried one, but they look delicious. Some of them sell cold bottles of juice, or little crackers, or gum, or small bottles of rum, or shots of klere- homemade sugar cane liquor. Today I am thankful I got to walk through the village, have short conversations with my machan friends, and say hello to those walking down the road. Today I am thankful that they have accepted me into their village.

4. Today I'm thankful for my school kids. I haven't taught school with any regularity since my dad and Gracie were here visiting in early February and I think I missed it more than I realized. Teaching school here is always interesting. Every day is an adventure. Its easy to get discouraged, and in fact, that's what had happened, I felt like, I wasn't a good teacher, and even if I was I don't speak the language, and what is me teaching them English vocabulary going to do to help them? While its incredibly easy to get discouraged about teaching school here, I have realized its more about the relationships than anything else. Its not about them learning English, its about me spending time with them and pouring into their lives. The more time I spend here and the more I learn the more I realize that my ministry is about relationships. I'm not doing the health education in the same way I imagined, but I'm forming relationships. Maybe in the future I will be able to do so. But today, I'm thankful for my school kids. I'm thankful for them loving me. I'm thankful for thier smiles. I love my older class. They are so smart. I feel like they get it, and we can talk and goof off at the same time. Such a joy. The school kids are such a blessing. Thankful for them today.

5. I'm thankful for my weekend. This weekend I spent a lot of time in my hammock and reading books that have been in my little library, but I haven't gotten time to delve into. I relaxed, I napped, I spent time with Jesus. It was wonderful. On Sunday I went up to the mountain and had church with just me and God. I listened to podcasts of teaching from my church back home. It was so refreshing to sit in the sunshine and hear teaching from men who love Jesus and love to make much of him. (I think I even got a small tan in the process!) The sunshine and my "American" church refreshed my soul. So today I am thankful for my weekend, for the sunshine, and for the Savior who refreshes my heart.

6. I woke up this morning refreshed and feeling great! That is something to be thankful for in itself. I have never been one to dream much, or to remember my dreams when I do. I definitely don't have many scary dreams or nightmares. Until I came here. It seems like I dream every night. I can remember most of the dreams when I wake up, and many of them are very scary. In my time here I've woken myself up many times with little shrieks, from being afraid. Twice I've woken myself up laughing (I much prefer that). But today, I'm thankful for two consecutive nights of sweet sleep, and minimal dreaming. And when I did dream they were 'sweet dreams'. Today I'm thankful for rest.

7. Today I'm thankful for good mommys. On my way home from school I stopped by one of my favorite houses. I have to walk right by anyway and they are always in the yard, so I stopped by to say hello. This lady blessed me today. She always has a million kids all over her and in her yard. I don't know how many of them are her's, but I think she has at least 3 between the ages of 8 and 3. I have alway felt like she is a good mom, she just gives off that vibe. (Did I mention that she's beautiful? She is.) She's a little older, but wears her years well and shows the joy of those years in her face. Today I stopped by, and as she was helping one child get dressed she was helping her other little one learn how to read. I get the feeling that most of the adults in this village don't know how to read, and also that most moms don't help their children with homework. It blessed me to see this mother helping her little one to learn. So today, I'm thankful for mom's who care about their babies, and spend time making sure that they are getting the most from their education. (This includes my own dear, sweet, beautiful mom!)

8. I've been blessed recently in the food department. Until last week a woman named Janet came and made food for me. Her food was wonderful. After 3 months I'm still not sick of rice and beans. Its a miracle. But I'm still not sick of it. Last week I got a new cook. This lady is Tchaly's sister. She makes food for the orphans in the hospital in Limbe. She also used to make food for the American doctors who worked and lived here. She is straight from heaven. Her food is always an experience. Every bite is heavenly. Its also so spicy that it makes me reach for the water to put out the fire in my mouth, but the González in me really missed that. Anyway, after totally being blown away by her food I asked if she would teach me. So she's been teaching me how to make stellar Haitian food. I can't wait to try it when I get home!! So today I'm thankful for Madam Marcell and her willingness to help me be a better Haitian cook!

9. I'm thankful for silly moments when silly things happen and it makes me laugh. I was sitting here writing this post and heard Manfred Mann's song "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" in French. You know the song I'm talking about?
"There she was just a-walkin' down the street
Singin' Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do
Snappin' her fingers and shufflin' her feet
Singin' Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do
She looked good (looked good), she looked fine (looked fine)
She looked good, she looked fine and I nearly lost my mind"
I know you know the one. Anyway. Very funny and strange to hear it in French! So I'm thankful for weird moments that make me laugh.

10. Lastly, but not leastly.... I'm incredibly thankful for my friends. Both here and in the States. The ones in the states have listened to me complain and moan about how I miss home, how I miss them, etc. And they haven't complained (at least to my face.) In the past couple of days I have been so blessed. I've had wonderful, encouraging conversations with so many friends. I so much appreciate that I have friends that I can word vomit on. I'm thankful for friends that still ask me my opinion on everything, from heart issues, to haircuts. It is such a joy and a pleasure to know that I am not on this journey alone. I litterally could NOT ask for a better support group. So today I'm thankful for you! If you are reading this, I can't wait to give you a huge hug when I get home, and if we are lucky have a long chat over some coffee! Thank you for your prayers! Thank you for sharing your life with me. Even those of you who are strangers, I'm thankful for you! It blesses me to know that even people who I don't actually know are before God's throne praying for me. Thanking God for His provision of support and friendship.


I feel like I could write all day about things I'm thankful for. God has been so faithful. He always is. I can't wait to see what will happen in the next two months that I'm here. And I can't wait for you to journey with me!

Beautiful in His Time

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end." (Eccl 3:11)

I'm kinda a sucker for beautiful things. Thankfully, I am living smack-dab in the middle of beauty right now. I have a mountain in my back yard and if I walk a little way I have a huge gorgeous valley in the front yard. I live among the most beautiful people I have ever met. I see the beauty around me and can't help but worship the Creator.

Not everything here is beautiful. There are very, very ugly things here. Satan and his hold on these people's hearts is ugly. Very Ugly.

The lack of, well, everything, food, shelter, and healthcare is ugly.
Or is it? Is it ugly? or is it Joy? Is He making it beautiful?

The lack of resources is not the main problem that this village has. It is the lack of Christ. The lack of freedom. Jesus came to seek and save that which was lost (Lk 19:10). But if we look at His life, he did more than that. He helped the poor and crippled. He healed the sick, and fed the hungry. If we are to be the body of Christ we are called to do those things too. He is making all this hurt beautiful in HIS time.

His time can be so different from mine sometimes, and as Solomon says, we cannot find out or understand what God is doing from beginning to end. But sometimes.... Sometimes, before the word leaves our lips, before we are even aware of our need He has provided.

On Friday night I was talking to Gersan and Betty about Tchaly. He is our carpenter here on campus. Always laughing, always singing, always joyful, always a total joy to be around. He works so hard. (He is also the one with the baby, who's burn I have been taking care of.) Gersan was talking about how he wishes he could pay Tchaly more for his hard work. And he could probably get a better paying job somewhere else, but God has a track record of blessing those who work here, and the money they earn. Some of these other people came from better paying jobs to work here, and have been offered other, better paying jobs, but they choose to stay, because they love working here and because God is blessing them for that.

Gersan told me about Tchaly's house. He described it as only a tiny step up from Tancred's house that I wrote about earlier. Tchaly has been saving and saving, but will probably never be able to finish building his house. Gersan said, "I want to give him a house, but that would cost around $2000 USD and we just don't have that right now."

Immediately, my heart leaped! $2000!!!!
I had gotten a text message from my mom that afternoon that Redeemer Bible Church, my home church in Tomball wanted to give $2000 to us to use however we like. I hadn't told Gersan and Betty this yet, but felt this was a good time.

God is so good. Without them even knowing it, He put that amount on the hearts of the Redeemer leaders, on the day that Gersan mentioned wanting to use that amount for a house!

God is making this beautiful! It has already been made beautiful, but He is letting us glimpse the beauty!

God is using Jacob's Well here in this village to change the mentality of people here. After giving Tancred a house, and taking care of  Lèlène and her leg the village is starting to talk. They are starting to see the "pay it forward" mentality. Doing nice things for others just because. I call it the "pay it forward" mentality, but really, it is the "Body of Christ" model. Tala's house needs a new roof, and we are almost sure that if we help Tchaly with his house that he will gladly take care of her roof out of thankfulness, and ask nothing in compensation. We are praying hard that God will continue to change the hearts of the people here.

This is the second time this week that God has blessed our socks off.
I found out this week that for almost a year now, or maybe more, Gersan has wanted to start a chicken business. Immediately after Boss Varis, one of our head guys, started working here he was asking about when he could start the chicken business. His son knows how to take care of them and it would be a wonderful micro development project. Gersan had wanted that for a long time anyway too, but never mentioned it to anyone. Last week I got an email from my boss at Frontier Camp saying that he wanted to talk about chickens. (I'm thinking... "ok??? That's random.") There is a family that goes to Foundry United Methodist Church and they teach the confirmation class for the youth there. They want to start emphasizing missions more, and wanted to use Jacob's Well as their project. The teacher of the class raises chickens in his backyard as sort-of a hobby, but also for meat and eggs. They decided that they wanted to raise the money, as a class, to buy 100 chickens for us as well as all the materials needed to build a chicken coop, hire someone to take care of them, feed the chickens, and gather eggs and meat to sell, or use for the staff here at camp. (Remember Gersan has never mentioned that he wanted to do this to any Americans.) I wish I could have seen his reaction when he recieved that email!

God is so good. He is so creative. His timing is so perfect. He can use things like chickens to remind us of how good He is.

Sometimes when God's timing is the same as mine it makes me realize how cool He is. But God's timing is not always the same as mine, not at all. But It is times like these that I learn I can trust Him. His timing is better than mine. It may not feel like it as i sit and wait and wait and wait and pray and pray and pray, but it is beautiful. He will make all things good in HIS time. 

For example, earlier I mentioned the ugly things here in my village. Satan and his hold on the people being one of them. While, for now, the big voodoo ceremony is over I know there will be others. It is not God's timing to totally remove all of the voodoo preists right now. But if you consider the whole picture you will see that less than 6 years ago there were 12 voodoo temples in this village. Today there are 3. THREE! And God is slowly turning the hearts of at least two of those three towards Him. I want them to know Jesus today. But, His timing is perfect.

He has made all things beautiful. He is a beautiful creator. Life is beautiful already. But sometimes He makes it more beautiful so that we will stop and recognize Him as the creator.

Notice something beautiful today.
Happy Sunday!

If It Ain't Broke...

...Don't fix it.

We've all heard the saying.

When I was younger the saying used to be "If it ain't broke, Noelle hasn't found it." (Coleman used to say "God is the maker of all things and Noelle is the breaker of all things." neat. Thanks Coleman.)

So, what if it is broke?

Well, I was.

When I started this blog the intent was to blog you through my life, but 6 months late. I've strayed from that. But today I'm going to do that.

6 Months ago I was broken. broken. broken. shattered. totaled. smashed. not functional. Get the picture?

My life was spinning out of control. I wasn't doing well in school. I wasn't sleeping well. My friendships were more stressful than encouraging. When I did hang out with friends I always came home crying. When I did sleep I'd have nightmares about the earthquake. When I did study I'd think about how pointless it was to be studying how babies suck their thumbs in developmental psych, or how Louis Pasteur made up a new kind of glass bottle with a swan neck in microbiology, or the tiny fossas and cracks in your bones and all the crazy names for them.

I didn't want to be in America. I didn't want to waste any more time. True, every weekend I was speaking at a different church or venue and raising money and awareness for Haiti. But I wanted to actually be there. I wasn't ready to be there. I would have just been a total emotion pile of mess.

Very few days went by that I didn't call my mom crying. I deleted my facebook. I turned off my phone. I literally wasn't sure that I was going to survive until Spring Break. I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen, but I didn't think I was going to make it.

Y'all. I'm not exaggerating. I was a total shipwreck. Not the pretty ones where the ship gently runs aground in beautiful blue-green water then sinks slowly, giving the sailors enough time to play and do rope swing flips into the water while waiting for a rescue ship.


I was this kind of shipwreck. Dark. Dirty. Messy. Scary. With no rescue boat.


I'm not exaggerating. I'm trying to accurately describe to you how broken I was. If I don't describe how utterly "without a paddle" I was, I can't tell you where I am now.

So I've set the stage. I was broken.

Even though I felt like there was no rescue ship. Even though I felt like I was without a paddle. Even thought I felt like I was on a roller coaster and forgot to pull that weird bar down over my head to hold me in.... I wasn't. I KNEW I wasn't, and that was the only thing that kept me hanging on. Even in my dark shipwreck I looked toward that weird scary, orange light and prayed for a rescue boat.

That rescue boat came. Not like a Coast Guard helicopter that lifted me right out of there. This was a little paddle boat that took a long time to arrive. I tread water for long time. And talked a LOT with my captain. And rescue came.

This summer God did some incredible healing in my heart. I know I'll never be "good as new", but I don't want to be!

I'm stronger with the mending.

When I was in Haiti. When the earth was shaking with aftershocks and I read aloud and quoted verses about God being my strong tower, my refuge, and my rock. That was comforting. When I was broken and I read about how Christ is the healer, that was encouraging. But I was still broken. When God showed up to that shipwreck and pulled me out and became my rock, my stronghold, my shelter, and my healer... that was life changing.

This summer was a slow healing process. I didn't wake up one morning and think..."WOW! I'm better!" But I did gradually wake up with more joy, with less nightmares, and with more peace.

This past Sunday was 8 months since the earthquake. It gets a little easier each month. This month, at church I cried. A lot! But they weren't sad tears. It was tears of joy and thankfulness.

I'm thankful that I was in Haiti when the earthquake struck. I'm thankful that God rescued me. I'm thankful for the healing He's done and will continue to do. I can't believe how in love with Jesus I am. When God proves Himself it really makes you love Him! Too bad it took me getting all smashed up to get to this point.

What's neat is that I realized that earthquake or no earthquake, I was a shipwreck. That helicopter rescue boat had already saved me once when I accepted Christ's gift of forgiveness all those years ago!

We sang "A mighty Fortress" at church. Its really basically the words I have been telling myself and praying for the past 8 months. I love these songs.

A mighty fortress is our God.
A sacred refuge is Your name.
Your Kingdom is unshakable.
With you forever we will reign.

Followed by:

Praise the Father
Praise the Son
Praise the Spirit, Three in one.
Clothed in Power and in grace.
The name above all other names.

My heart has been healed. Sometimes there is a need for a new heart of flesh to be placed within me. Sometimes that new heart of flesh requires my heart of stone to be broken... And I'm ok with that.

Thankful

Everyone reading this probably remembers exactly where they were when they heard the news.

I sat glued to the TV the entire day.

"Who would do such a thing? Why?"

I remember watching in horror as the first tower fell. The newscasters kept talking about how the towers were designed not to fall. Then, shortly after the first, the next tower fell. My little 11 year old mind was so confused and scared. I wasn't sure that I understood what was happening. And I didn't feel safe venturing out into Houston later that next week.

Years later as I was talking to my brother about why he wanted to be in the military (and didn't he know how dangerous it is?!) he told me it was because he loved his country. But as much as he loved his country he loved me more. He is training and fighting for me. For his family. For his friends. If you are a friend of my brother, you should be honored. If you know him personally, you know what a blessing he is.

This is something he wrote two years ago while he was still at the Naval Academy:

"You know I complain a lot about what I do. Sometimes it's my way of dealing with stress. But today, for this small space of time, I don't have any doubts about my situation. On this day, I know that the Academy will be worth it, and the fact that I can't sleep until noon fades into insignificance.



I do my job for the men and women on the top floors of the towers. I do it for the firemen and police officers who never came back from work on this day seven years ago. For all the families permanently severed by the events of September 11, 2001, for anyone whose name is written on the boards downstairs, for all of you reading this note, you are why I signed my papers.



So, I want to say thanks to all of you folks out there reading this, because you are the ones who keep me going when I lose my sense of direction. And to all my shipmates, I love you guys so much. I'd dive in front of a MACK truck for any one of you.



And family, y'all are the best. I don't know how else to say it. Using words cheapens the way I feel about you.



All you guys out there that I know and love so much, thanks for letting me be in your lives. I hope that in the coming years, I can express to you through deeds as well as words how much I appreciate you.



I promise that I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I love you all very much, and I pray that God gives you peace this September 11.



Thanks again for being such awesome people. I can't imagine my life without you."



I love my brother. I love all his friends from the military. I'm thankful for all of them and their service.

I was so privileged to be able to see them all get commissioned as officers in the United States Navy and Marine Corps on May 28, 2010

So to all those in the military, police force, fire fighters, and anyone else that lays down their life daily. Thank you. May you be blessed!

Thank you Jesus, for the heart that you have given these men and women. Give them strength as they serve you and America. Keep them safe. Let them know your love. Let us never forget!

Stranger Danger?

I have made a lot of progress since January. Praise God! He is so good to me! I made a list of things that all went RIGHT about my time in Haiti about a week after I got home. Sort of a "what I'm thankful for" list. I think sometimes when I don't consiously think about how good God is that I start to forget all the great things He has done (and is doing) for me. I'll come back to this point in a second...

I was talking to a complete stranger today... (Ok, I've seen her twice, so not a COMPLETE stranger.) Anyway, I do this a lot now (I'm turning into my mother!) I think coffee really loosens people up in a way similar to Alcohol, but you can actually remember the conversation later. It turns out that this girl and I are in a lot of the same circles, but we couldn't think of any of our mutual friends. So while we were brainstorming about how we knew each other it came up that she was moving to Asia to do language school and minister to college students. Neat! So when it was my turn I started to tell her about my future plans and my insecurities in them... so I'm spilling my heart to a stranger... and she cuts me off mid-sentence with a huge smile and says "But God is so great!" Like, "Psh! No worries girl, you are all insecure about this now, but its going to be taken care of, and its going to astound you how easily God's going to pull this off!"

THANK YOU!!! I needed to hear that!

This type of thing has happened a lot these past 6 months. I'll be talking to someone that I don't really know... and spilling my heart and word vomiting all over them. And instead of being like, wow, girl, you've got a long way to go, or something to that effect. They minimize my issue or make a joke out of it... And its SO encouraging! I have these memorable quotes written down in my phone, so I wont forget them.

For example, I was talking to this girl that I sort of know. We've had coffee once or twice, and see each other around about once per week. She asked how school was going. And I told her. (This was around March, so school was NOT going well. And I was panicked.) She shrugs and goes, "Well chances are, you'll graduate." I bet if I reminded her of saying that she would not even remember. But I've read that sentence over and over again for encouragement. And she was right! The next week I found out that I would be graduating in December! Whoop!

Strangers are so neat!

(For the mom's that read my blog... Don't worry. I only talk to safe strangers. And I don't take any candy from them.)

I think I have spent the past few days forgetting all that God has done for me. Which brings me back to the beginning of the post. I want to spend a few minutes dwelling on my blessings. Like at thanksgiving when you all go around the table and say what you are thankful for.

Just to create the right atmosphere in your mind...


I'm thankful for:

• My family. They have been there for me with shoulders to cry on and encouragement to keep me going.
• The promise of Heaven. I was thinking about it today. What a great day it will be when I finally get to see Jesus face-to-face and hug His neck. I can't wait to sit with my Heavenly Father and laugh and worship Him.
• Mom. for always answering your phone. Even last semester on Monday afternoons when you knew there was a 100% chance that I was crying. For listening and putting up with me.
• Dad. for always wanting to sit on the couch with me and laugh or watch mystery shows.
  
• Surviving. Last semester was not an easy one emotionally and I literally didn't think I was going to make it... but I did.
• The known. I know I'm loved, God has a plan, its all going to work out, most likely be graduating within 5 months.
• The unknown. I'm honestly not as thankful for this yet. Just scared and insecure, but that is driving me to trust my Father... which I am thankful for.
• New Life Church. I've just started going to this church and I'm loving it.
• Music. That speaks to your soul. (Or that you can have a dance party to... Bieber Fever anyone?)
• Siblings and friends. You've all been so encouraging to me over the years. I can't imagine where I'd be without learning important life lessons from you guys.
• Summer break. Even though I'm working and taking classes its been good to at least say that it's summer.
• Game nights. A little friendly competition in Tomball. Lifts my spirits always... even when the boys beat us.
• Rest. I am finally getting back to my old sleeping habits! I don't think I've had an earthquake nightmare since right after spring break! I am starting to be able to fall asleep a little faster as well and don't take forever to fall asleep. Only sometimes does the train scare me as it whooshes through the night at 11:45 and 3:15. Other than that I'm sleeping, Praise God!
  
• Spoons. With Caitlin, Jessie, & Andrea. You are each so special to me in your very own way.
• Blessings. So much that I take for granted. My car, food, shelter, education, clothing, hygiene, freedom. All things that I never have to even think twice about because I've been so richly blessed.
• Many more.

What are you thankful for?