Storytelling. Share your story.

I started this blog 5 and a half years ago with no intention of anyone ever reading it, I just needed to get some stuff out and it was a way of sharing my story.

At the time, I was telling my story constantly, everyone wanted to know my story (or at least the part of my story that got me on prime time news on multiple news channels. The "Local girl survived the earthquake in Port Au Prince, Haiti".) Churches wanted me to share about what God was doing and how I saw God working. Schools wanted me to come and talk to their students about my story. I told my story all the time...

...how I was in an unfamiliar country after a mission trip after my team had returned to the U.S, and through a strange turn of events I was volunteering for a few days at a burn clinic until I returned to the states...
...how we had gone to visit a school in the morning and it was just like any other day...
...how I took an afternoon siesta and was awoken by vigorous shaking...
...how I tried to get down off my bunk bed and ended up pretty much getting thrown to the ground and not being able to get my feet back under me again...
...how after the shaking stopped I reached for my phone to text my mom and say nonchalantly, "well, I think I just experienced my first earthquake." But I didn't have any signal...
...how I had no idea that what would transpire over the next 72 or so hours would cause me to tremble and cry and nearly shut down completely every time anything shook or rumbled around me....
...how I had no idea the magnitude of what had happened until I realized I didn't have signal and I looked up and listened...
...how I could see the huge cloud of ash covering Port au Prince and I could hear screams in the distance...
...how the next couple of days I worked in the clinic that became a hospital...
...how I assisted with a brain surgery without anesthesia, I scraped debris from a woman's head and face and filled a bucket with what I removed....
...how I cared for burns that were worse than I ever care to see again...
...how I worked on a woman for hours and hours until finally holding her head in my lap as she took her last breath...
...how I wept for her soul, when I realized it should have been me who didn't make it, me who knows Jesus and knows who holds my future, but I had no idea what her future held.
...I shared my story of how when I tried to sleep and closed my eyes all I could see were the people I had worked all day in the clinic on, and I could still feel the ground shaking about every 20 minutes. Each time imagining the roof falling on me and inflicting one of the wounds I had just spent hours tending to.

*this post includes an email written to my dad that day during the most raw moment of my entire life to date*

For about 6 months I shared my story constantly, people wanted to "grab coffee", hear about my story, and know what they could do. I told them about Haiti, and about that time, about how my experiences were making me excited to go to nursing school one day. But I don't think I told many people that I struggled with severe guilt because I survived. I didn't tell them that even 6 months later I would wake up crying when the train would go by my house at 3a.m. and my bed would shake (which I had never noticed before in the 4 years of living in that same room), They didn't know I called my mom every Monday afternoon like clockwork sobbing so hard I could barely breathe because I just couldn't do another Monday because that meant it was a whole week until the weekend when I could drive home and sit on the couch with my mom and dad and just cry if I needed to. I didn't share that part of my story with everyone. Some people knew some parts of it, but most didn't.

I've been thinking a lot about my story recently, about how I always want people to know the good stuff. Like I said, I started this blog almost as therapy, 6 months after the earthquake and the amount of people who cared about the earthquake in Haiti drastically diminished. I needed some sort of outlet, and I was able to share my story here. I just sat down and would write. Whatever came out wherever the words led me, much like I'm doing tonight. Then, after a while I would start "writing" all the time, in my head, just waiting till I could get to the computer to dump it all out. My story changed, I moved back to Haiti, I lived there, I blogged all the time, I figured people cared, I cared, I wasn't busy, I didn't have any reason not to write. Then my story changed again and I totally stopped writing, I had all the reasons not to write, I frequently wished that I wrote more, but now I have this weird feeling that my writing needs to be edited, clean, and flow nicely, but most of all it needs to be interesting. I think that prevents me from even sitting down to write. My mundane life isn't interesting to anyone else, so at the expense of my mental health sometimes, I don't write because I don't feel like my thoughts are important enough to be solidified in the internet stratosphere forever.

But this time of year always brings reflection, probably because of the new year and everyone wants a "fresh start". I always think about a fresh start, and wouldn't that be nice, but really I just want to keep living my ever changing story. The earthquake was my story 6 years ago today. It still is my story, but there is a lot more to my story now too, and I'm realizing that all of it needs to be shared.

I've been thinking about my story recently because I've been thinking about Peggy's story. Peggy is our dog, we adopted her about two weeks ago. She is about 5 years old, white and brown German shorthaired pointer. She loves to play fetch and will play for 3 hours straight if you let her. She snores when she sleeps and dances when we come home, she stands on her two back feet when she's too short to see stuff and its stupid how cute she is. Daniel and I just love her and think she's adorable all the time, except when she pees on our rug. Peeing on rug = not adorable. When I look at Peg I see her story in her eyes. I know its there. She's lived a tough life, she's been a mom, she's been out on the street, and I don't think she has always belonged to a family who loves her. I am always learning about her. I wish she could tell me her story while I pet her super soft ears. I wish she could tell me how she got that scar and tear on her left ear and why she walks with a limp sometimes. I love her and I don't know her story. Dan and I love her right where she is, peeing on the rug and all. I wonder how much life she has lived and why that makes her act the way she does. I want to know her story, but knowing it won't make me love her any more or less. However, knowing might help me to love her better.

(I know you are all dying to see a pic of Peg, so here you go!)

I think so often I am scared to tell my story, not just about the earthquake, but about my job, my marriage, my faith, my insecurities, my hopes and dreams. I'm worried about what people might think, that they might see I don't have it all instagram filtered perfectly, or that they will think my story is boring. I like to think I don't really have those fears, but I think I do. I think that, among other reasons is why I haven't written in so long, or why I only write seldomly. But recently I've been so comforted by knowing that when I share my story, whatever it is, whatever is going on with me right then, it won't make people love me any more or less, but it might help them to know me better, and I might be able to love THEM better too by sharing.


So that's my encouragement for the day. Share your story. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
My story today is so different than my story 6 years ago, but I wouldn't change any of it, I pray that I will just keep on living my story, and sharing my story as it comes along.

Old Friend

Its been a while since I've written. A very long while. I can't really pinpoint the reason for this.
Being busy?
Being lazy?
Not having thoughts?
Not wanting to have thoughts?

I really don't know. But today, for some reason I really am missing this old friend. Maybe its because I'm missing home in Ti Guinea? That's when me and the writing obsession really fell for each other? Maybe its because it was this time last year that I found out I was moving to the country that I loved, to do something totally unknown. I have tears in my eyes, and running down my face as I write this. Part of me is wishing it was last year and I am about to embark on the most incredible journey of my life. Having no idea the people that I'm about to meet...The people who are going to steal my heart, teach my heart, break my heart, and heal my heart. I miss them. Today especially, I miss them.

This morning as we sang in church, I couldn't stop thinking about the Sunday that I woke up with a headache, skipped church in the village and went up to the mountain to pray and to spend time in prayer. I couldn't stop seeing the valley in my mind. Hearing the kids yelling my name, "Norell! Norell!", as I tried to disguise myself and have some alone time with Jesus. I miss the way that the village broke my heart. I miss the lessons that I learned through small conversations with old men, with young girls, with old women, and with little ones who weren't yet old enough to talk.

This year I'm about to embark on another journey. One that looks very different than the one last year. I sit here missing the past, yet looking forward to the future. The same nervous feeling in my stomach, fear of the unknown. The Haiti adventure was one that took my breath away so many times. It was painful, it was hard, but it was so incredibly beautiful. The adventure I'm about to begin will be tough, but I think it will have its joys. The one thing that I know is why I'm going. I'm going to nursing school, to learn, so that eventually (hopefully) I can move back to Ti Guinea, and help the women that I already love. I can see their faces when I close my eyes. I can hear their giggles and smirks when I pronounce words wrong, or hug them and tell them they are beautiful and that I love them. This journey is unknown just like the last, but hopefully, it will end in the same place, with the same faces.

My heart beats is for the women of Ti Guinea. For the women of Ba Limbe, and the other surrounding villages. My dream is to love them, to teach them, and to live with them. I have many thoughts on how I want to accomplish this. Health education, women's health, midwifery, general education and skills training, etc. but, lest I get caught up in the details, I'm just envisioning these women. Their faces, their names, their stories.

I miss my old friend the blog. I miss living with the people who inspired its stories. When I started writing, it was a blog about me, but how foolish I was to not see that this is about their stories. But more importantly, its about God's story in all of us. How He is weaving our hearts together. How He is satisfying us.

 Its so easy to look to other things for our satisfaction. Its easy for me to look towards the future and say that once I finish school, get married, and move to Haiti I'll be ok. But I know that's not true. There are so many things that I look towards for fulfillment that will never satisfy me. I'll never be "ok" unless I look to Christ for all the fulfillment, joy, and satisfaction that I need. He's the reason that all these things are good. I am so undeserving of the blessings that he has lavished on my heart.

I hope that me and this old friend will get to spend more time together. That I will spend more time writing, because the lessons I learn while writing are just more undeserved blessings from Him.

10 on Tuesday

So its Tuesday, yet again. I've missed so many along the way, but I've decided just to pick myself up and start again. So here goes. Again, the goal of the 10 on Tuesday is to take 10 pictures every hour for 10 hours throughout the day, but over time its changed into a 10 things blog. Today I'm going to do 10 pictures, not necessarily from today, but they are from this week.

1.  I'm back here!! I realized when I got home to Jacob's Well that so far in 2011 this has been my home more than anywhere else this year. It was so great to be home for a week and see all my friends, and speak Kreyol again!

2. The purpose of my trip was to translate for a medical team from Minnesota. I pleasantly surprised myself with how much Kreyol I had remembered!

3. Of course, I loved seeing Jenny again. (She really was happy to see me too, even though you can't tell.)

4. Remember my old-man friend from this post? I got to see him too! He said every day he's been hoping that I would come back, and we were so glad to see each other. (Also, his had had healed up so nicely I could barely even see the scar, and he couldn't even remember which hand it was at first!)

5. The church has done some expansion! It is going to look so great when its done! Its almost twice as big now as it was when I left. And made of some sturdier materials!

6. Haitian food. Is the best. End of story.

7. I almost cried when I saw Lelene  walking up to me this week! Her leg is almost completely healed. It is nothing short of a miracle! Thank you to all who have prayed for her!

8. I got to meet a few new baby friends. This is Wendel. he is a soccer announcer for the radio in Limbe. This is his son, Wendel Messi, named after the soccer player from Argentina. Wendel has the nickname "Le Grande" in the village because he is at least a head taller and much thicker than most Haitians. Windel Messi is more than likely the biggest 5 month old I've ever seen, following in his father's footsteps!

9. You know how some people are ocean people and some people are mountain people? I'm a mountain person, and I've missed having this as my back yard view!!

10. And lastly, I'm back to skype communicating. I actually didn't have any internet connection at all when I was at camp this past week, but now I'm in Port Au Prince, and back to the old skype instant messaging relationship with Dan and my family. We totally got spoiled by living in the same country and having a telephone. God's reminding us not to take anything for granted!

It Is For Freedom He Has Set Us Free

*This post was started on April 11th, and finished this past week.* 

God is making a movement in this village. There is no doubt. Things are changing. God is blessing people. He is using Pastor Valcin in many ways to spread the good news of the gospel! Gersan has been blessed and we have been able to help numerous people with their living situations, their health situations, and their spiritual poverty. The training at the church here is far from finished, but much progress has been made. God lives in Ti Guinea.

Today I was walking around with Boss Varis and a few of the others who work with us. We were taking pictures of some of the families that recieved latrienes recently. Water Missions International partnered with us and we were able to build 25 latrienes in this village. Today as we were taking pictures I got to see many houses in the village. Some are large, and made with ciment blocks, some very small and made with dirt and sticks.

These houses all had something in common though: Multiple front doors.

Why is this significant you ask? It is, very significant. Let me explain.


I think in any country, even in the states, the further you get into the country the more spiritual people become. Sometimes, in some areas in some countries people are very spiritual and worship the true God. Sometimes people begin to put their trust in the plants for healing purposes and whatever else. Here, we are pretty far away from the big cities. And voodoo is big. In this voodoo culture every house has at least two front doors. I've seen houses with 3 front doors, 3 back doors, and 2 side doors per side. The reason for this is the belief that if someone dies inside the house the spirit will have a door to exit through, and the people won't have to use that door to walk where the spirt walked. Also, that way the spirit has plenty of options to exit, because lets be real, no one is going to want to come visit if there is a spirit in the house that can't get out!

As we approached one of the houses I caught a glimpse through the gate. It was painted beautifully, yellow and blue and red and green. I quickly realized this is a voodoo temple. This is the place that is responsible for preforming those ceremonies that have disrupted my sleep so much for many nights I was here.

My brain engaged as quickly as I could make it, and I began to really look around and try to see details and see what was going on. I couldn't make sense of a lot that I saw, but a few things stood out to me. The feel of the place was not what I was expecting. I didn't feel the oppression or the darkness that I was expecting to accompany that place.

I began to think that maybe the evil that was here could see the light in me and had run for cover. I'll never know. But it did make me think. I thought about how I had always perceived voodoo temples to be such a dark and oppressive place, but really this place was even possibly a little more up-beat than the others because of all the color. I think that voodoo is evil. Pure evil, but I think a lot of the evil comes through deceiving those who are involved. The voodoo priest didn't look like an evil man, he just looked like a sad, lonely, lost man.

 The other thing that clearly stood out. More than anything else, was how everything was tied. Random stuff all wrapped up in ropes and cords around the trees. There were ropes and cords wrapped around every surface with bottles, candles, chairs, feathers, plates, cups, flags all wrapped up in them. The cords went around, and around, and around, and around. On one tree it was probably almost a foot thick of cords and ropes wrapped around and holding stuff in. But on the door posts, and on random smaller trees, and everywhere things were wrapped, bound. Bound up tight. And that caught my heart. These people who are so deep in voodoo are so bound by Satan. So bound by the lies. And Satan is deceptive, he has them bind things up, wrap them tight so there is no hope of getting them out of the cords that entagle them. And while they wrap up possesions and inanimate objects, he wraps them up tight. Binds them so tightly in sin and deception that they have no idea they are bound. They begin to think that their bondage is normal.

But Satan has not won! God is moving though this village. Setting people free. Giving life, and life abundant. More than 12 voodoo temples were in this village when Jacob's Well was first established 6 years ago. Now there are 2. Both of those voodoo priests are losing some of their trust in their voodoo. They are curious about Jesus. They are curious about what is happening in these people's lives. Christ has set so many free. But the battle is still there. Satan is fighting for them still. He will tempt them again. But Christ is victorious.
Every time I come to Haiti, I try to spend some time on top of the mountains looking over the valley and praying. Praying for freedom. Praying for light. Before I came on my trip this spring I felt the verse from Galations very heavy on my heart. "It is for freedom He has set you free." I am seeing that freedom being given in the village. Praise Christ.

What Satan has bound and destined to destroy, Christ has set free and given life anew!

Still Alive

I've gotten a few comments, notes, emails from worried friends recently...
"Are you ok?" "Are you still alive?" "Why did you quit blogging when you came back from Haiti?" "Are you going to start blogging again?"

I think the answer to all of those questions is "YES!" I'm ok. I'm alive. I did stop, but I'm going to start again. Here goes...


Dear Blog,


I've missed you so much over the last month and a half. Its crazy how I didn't realize what a good thing I had till it was gone. I've missed you, you are such a good listener, you make me laugh, you make me cry. When I don't tell you what's going on in my life I feel totally crazy, like my thoughts are only a big jumble of random, but when I write them out, I can actually process what's happening.

Ok, so writing to the imaginary persona of my blog feels weird, so I'm just gonna write.... I'm out of practice, so bear with me. I'm sure the total-life word vomiting will come back like riding a bike. 

I'm back from Haiti, but I don't think my journey is over. I'm on so many journeys right now. Some are new and fresh and exciting and challenging. Others are frustrating, monotonous, and tearful, while still others are windy, unknown, and looming over my head with a sense of doom and sunshine all together. I'm glad that the blog is flexible. Its probably going to be changing gears. I doubt that I'll have crazy life stories happening every day, or language-barrier issues, or other things I experienced in Haiti, but life continues. And up to this point God's kept my life pretty exciting and unpredictable.

So... Where have I been? I've actually been pretty busy this last month and a half! I went back to work at Frontier Camp as the Health Care Assistant for the beginning of the summer. It was so fun. So great to see all of my close friends again. Camp has always been my second home of sorts, and I love being there. The only problem was that I didn't have internet access while I was there, so the blog (and sometimes my sanity) suffered.
I've been home from camp for about a week, but dove straight into a summer school class. In fact, last week I was driving back and forth to camp from my class. Totally exhausting, but definitely worth it. Last week I had the opportunity to speak to the kids at camp about my experiences in Haiti, some of what I had done there over the past 4 years, and what God has been, and continues to be doing in the hearts of the people of the country. It was so rewarding to get to talk to these kids and encourage them to have a missional heart and mindset. When I wasn't driving last week I was studying, but now, with my first test out of the way I know what to expect from the class and I'm ready to be back to blogging!

Now, with no more Haiti stories what am I going to be talking about? Well, I usually just word-vomit my life, so we'll see how that goes. I also have a million ideas of things to try this summer, crafts, recipes, hobbies... I'll probably bring back the 10 on Tuesday... we'll see what happens.

I feel weird writing this post, its like I've been "on break" from a good friend and have a whole lot of catching up to do... My writing is feeling rusty right now, so I may just leave some of the catching up for later. But stay tuned for pictures, stories, ideas, and whatever else may run through my head!

M'ap Vini

I don't really know where to begin.... My heart is all over the place.

I have been intentionally vauge on the blog recently. Maybe you haven't noticed, but I have. I have 3 blogs written in my head that I just haven't had the clarity of mind to sit and write. I have avoided posting, even avoided reading other peoples blogs, because when I write, everything tends to spill out reguardless of whether or not I wanted to give all the details. I have told a few friends that I feel like I'm teetering on the see-saw of insanity: One second I'm fine, peaceful, trusting God. The next I am the opposite of all those things. Its been fun, let me tell you!

Ok. so here goes....


I'm coming home on Thursday.
As in, day-after-tomorrow. Its still not super real to me. wow.


Before you worry...there is nothing desperately wrong. It is just time. Due to recent circumstances and thoughts of my heart, (which I have not shared because I've been blog-avoiding) I need to go home.

My family is so important to me. My family members are 5 of God's biggest blessings to me. I am who I am because of them. I talked to my brother today. He has decided to spend his life serving our country. I saw him in December before I left. He has been "stationed" in Tomball since March and I'm missing it. He will leave 16 days before was planning on getting home. Basically, we didn't know this until today, but if I don't see him now, I don't know when I will. In the next few years, maybe. This is important to me.

Also, since Wednesday I've been thinking about the future. All those doors that opened when nursing school closed, while they are awesome and I'm excited about them, will lead me far away again. It was beginning to look like I would be home for a week, at camp for 5 weeks, and then very very far away again until mid-August. Some people can be away from thier families for 8 months and not even think twice about it. I can't. I could physically survive. But it wouldn't be fun. I don't do well if I'm not being hugged by loved ones. (Have I mentioned that before?)

Another door that's opened since this round of nursing school comes in the form of a monstrosity of an application for a different program. This has a very small window of time that it will be open, and requires a lot of time and effort. I will be working on this when I get home and have a more reliable internet connection.

Mainly, I'm coming home to be with my family. They need me right now, and I need them. I think God called me to love the people of Ti Guinea in Haiti. But He did not call me to abandon my love for my family. Originally the plan was for me to come home in April, but as I got more confident that I would be in College Station at nursing school I extended my trip, assuming that I would see them because I would be close.

This was not an easy decision. I first thought, "What will everyone think of me?" I let the fear of men overcome my heart. Will people think I've quit? Will they think I just got too lonely? Will they think I'm not strong enough to do this? Will they want to support me in the future? Will they think I'm flakey? Will they understand the reasons I'm coming home? I hope you do understand. If not, please ask me!

Also, I'm not quitting. In fact, I'm coming back. I'm coming back on May 12. I'm going to spend 3 weeks at home soaking up and loving on my family. Then I will return on the 12 to set up and help run the camp that I've been helping plan. Also, after 3 weeks of English, I'll need to brush up on my Kreyol before I am translating! I'll be returning again on the flight I had already had tickets for on May 23. Also, many of the doors that opened will hopefully lead me back to Haiti and this place sooner than later.

I've talked about how bittersweet it is going to be to leave. Oh my! I had no idea! I was a total mess when I told my friends here that I was leaving. I was able to tell Boss Varis and only had misty eyes. I explained everything about Coleman, and how if I don't go home now, I may not see him for a long time. And I told him I was coming back. Everyone is fully supportive, both of me going to spend time with my brother, and of me coming back. After that, I told Tala and Tchaly. I got through, "I'm leaving Thursday" and then started sobbing. Boss Varis had to finish for me. I finally pulled it together. And then Guerline walked around the corner. Seeing my red eyes she asked, "Sa ou gen?" "what's going on"  I got no words out. Just sobbing. Boss Varis told her. All I could say over and over through my tears was, "M'ap vini anko! M'ap vini anko!" (I'm coming back! I'm coming back!) 

I don't know if crying is culturally weird here, or if I'm just super pathetic when I cry. Probably both. They just kept saying, "Don't cry, please don't cry. Stop crying. You are going to make us cry. Please don't cry. You are coming back! We aren't mad!" I just wow.... it was so hard telling them I was leaving. I'm going to miss them SO much. Even now I'm biting back tears thinking about missing them. I told them its so hard to love two places. I told them that I'm going to leave half of my heart here, and take half with me to give to my family. Guerline told me, "You need a bunch of hearts if you are going to keep them with everyone you love.".  Mission accomplished. My greatest goal of being here was to love somone. Even if it was just one person. Her saying that made me realize that she knew I love her. I just hugged her and cried.

Thinking about leaving in less than 36 hours... instead of 36 days. Is a strange feeling. .

I'm excited to see my family. I need to spend time with them before Coleman leaves. I will be be coming back. I could never leave like this if I didn't know when I was coming back, and know that it was going to be soon!

I think the hardest thing I will ever have to deal with in my life is also my greatest blessing. Loving two countries. Two peoples. God has loved me so much. His love through me makes this possible.

10 on Tuesday

So honestly today I forgot it was Tuesday. I had a friend remind me this morning, and then after chatting for a while I completely moved on and forgot about it being Tuesday. That being said, I didn't write this post in my head all day. So lets see if I can come up with 10 somethings on this Tuesday ok?

I'll start with the easy stuff.

1. Today I taught school. I didn't have school at the end of last week because of something. I know the Kreyol word. And it means that they didn't have school cancelled. I think it was some sort of teachers meeting, conference, get-together type deal. Anyway. So I have missed the last few days of school. Today I had school. Which is always an experience. We were learning simple things... Months of the year. But the exciting part was that the wind felt like it was blowing a million miles an hour (this particular "classroom" is under a canopy tent. not much shielded from the elements.) There were a few times I thought that I was going to have to catch the black board in case it flew backwards. Then the wind would shift leaving me feeling like I needed to run for my life so I wouldn't get smashed by it falling on me. So that made months of the year interesting. When I asked what months and then what day their birthdays were in I discovered a little one with a birthday the day after my mom's. (He was less amused and excited than I was about this news. Oh well.)

2. This afternoon I tried to grab a nap at least 3 times and was unsucessful. That was a bummer. I could definitely have used one! But here we are. Its 7pm and now I feel fine, plenty of energy.... figures.

3. I saw Lelene today. Her leg is starting to look better. I feel weird saying that. It always looks bad. It always looks abnormal. But it seems to be starting to close up some. She told me that the nurse she has been going to for wound care has stopped washing it with betadine, and stopped applying antibiotic. She also has stopped washing it with soap and water. Its been over a week since this wound has been washed. It looked amazingly ok, but I urged and begged her to keep washing and keeping it clean. (We shall see. TIH.)

4. Today is the 40 day marker. I have 40 days left here. Wow. Ever time I talk or think about leaving that lump in the back of my throat appears. I don't want to miss these last 40 days. I don't think I will. I'm trying to soak up every second. Every person. Every relationship. I don't know when I will see these beautiful people again. That day is not promised to me. And that makes me sad. It makes me want to pack them all up and bring them home with me. (Lord knows, we have enough suitcases in the depot to hold everyone!) I pray that I will see them again. Just thinking about not seeing them again makes my heart break a little, and it makes me a little nauseous. I don't know what the future holds. But I know who does, and I know He is so very good. (and, lets face it, He's a way better planner than me!) Leaving is going to be so bittersweet.

5. Not only am I trying to invest my time with people here, but also with my Savior. I've had so many, many hard moments these past few weeks. God has used those times when I'm alone. He's called me to His word and whispered peace and hope to my soul. Sitting in the middle of God's creation and looking at all that He's made and then thinking that He is even concerned with me, much less gave His Son for me so that I may be allowed to enjoy Him forever. wow. I figured that I would get a lot of quality God time when I moved away from everyone and everything familiar to live with people I didn't know or understand, but I had no idea how fun and wonderful it would be!

6. Today is the 40 day marker. I only have 40 days until I am in the airport in Houston hugging my family, talking fast, and crying (lets be honest. We'll all know I'll be crying.) Leaving Haiti will be bitter. Coming home will be oh so sweet! I can't wait to sit at the kitchen table and drink coffee with my mom. Or sit with my dad on the couch. Or stay up late with Hopie laughing and talking with her sitting on my bed while I'm pretending to sleep. Or catch up with Gracie on all that is going on in all the world. I will miss seeing Coleman by 17 days. But I'm sure a long phone conversation will be in order. I can't wait to spend the week between being home and going to camp soaking up life with my loved ones. I can't wait to have a telephone that always has signal and doesn't cost me an arm and leg to talk to people! I can't wait to see all my incredibly wonderful friends when I go up to College Station or at camp! I can't wait to sit in church on Sunday May 29th and feel "home." I'm sure that week will be full of happy, happy tears and lots of hugs! I can NOT wait.

7. I'm currently still waiting and praying about nursing school. I was confident I was going to hear a week ago. And every day between now and then. I was supossed to hear between mid March and mid April. If I'm not mistaken "mid April" is in 3 days. I talked to a friend that is in the school right now and she said she didn't find out until early May. And at that point she had been waitlisted. I don't know if I have the sanity to wait that long. But I've had the "God's timing is perfect" conversation about 43 times in the last 3 days. I have my plan. (And it is awesome, if I do say so myself!) But God has His. And so far He has a perfect track record of topping my plans. He also has a perfect track record of being incredibly faithful, incredibly good. Maybe I should accept that His timing is perfect. His plan is cosmic. He's got this world under control. He doesn't need my help.

8. On a lighter note. I sometimes joke around that I'm becoming a crazy island jungle lady. (Being the only one that you know on a tropical island will do that to you.) Today I almost went crazy island lady on a group of about 55 Haitians. Here's the story. Boss Varis, Guerline, Boss Tchaly, and I all went to town to buy gas and a few random supplies.
The vehicle I drive here is one of those old "Mark III" vans, with the lazy boy bucket seats, and curtains on the windows, and the high roof. You know the van I'm talking about? We all had a friend with that car. You wanted to ride with them on road trips because they laid the back seat into a bed AND they had a TV in thier car. Ok. So I drive one of those in Haiti. I want to go on record as saying I have never driven a car that is harder to manuver, or with more blind spots. Maybe I would make a horrible soccer mom. I don't know. Its not the size of the car that bothers me. I learned how to drive in a Ford F-250. I can handle big cars. This van is just..... the worst. 
(Phew. ok. van rant over. ready to move on? me too.)
So we go to the gas station. I draw a lot of attention when I go into town. I am a white, female driver. Not your typical everyday sight. Also, apparently the stereotype that women can't drive exists here too. (especially white women.) Long story short. I ended up with about 10 men standing around my car shouting things like, "Come forward! Go back! Turn left! Turn right! Gack! Forward! Stop! Go!" But they were yelling these things ALL at the same time and in kreyol. I got frustrated and declared loudly that I didn't understand what they wanted me to do. So 15 more men joined in to help. Perfect. Just what I need. 25 people yelling different orders at me in another language! We eventually got it all sorted out I got the stupid huge, dumb blind-spot van in the right place and we purchased that gas! (Whoop! Let's get OUT of here!) I also explained, in no uncertain terms, to Boss Varis that I never wanted that to happen again. Nothing makes me feel like a dumb white girl more than 25 people yelling conflicting commands in another language. And the other 30 people discussing how the white girl can't understand or drive (gas stations here are much more crowded than ones in america.) Needless to say. This was not the highlight of my day. But I did survive and make it out in one peice and only yelled minimal mean things in kreyol!

9. For those of you that only comment on blog posts involving frogs.... here you go. I had a frog in my house last night. I know. This is really not a big deal. I am not scared of frogs. But what I have come to realize is that I am scared of the unpredictability of frogs. If you leave them alone, they may just sit there and eath the mosquitoes, or they may jump in your bed and make it all slimy. Either way. There was a frog in my house. Not a dry warty one that moves slow. A sleek, green-brown, slimy one...with an impressive jump range. Anyway. I went through many scenarios.
1. Shoo him out? (and risk him jumping around and hiding.)
2. Smash him? (this is typically what the Haitians do. but I try to avoid amphibian guts when possible.)
3. Electrocute him with my suprisingly powerful mosquito raquet? (this got a few votes from people who were supporting me through this hazard on skype, but I decided against it.)
4. Allow him to co-habitate and hope that he eats mosquitoes and does not make my bed slimy.

I eventually opted for option 4. Jumping frogs are just too risky. Eventually he made the mistake of coming into the open on the floor. I captured him in a random cup that I had, but then I got distracted and forgot about him until this morning. By that time he had given up on life.  Poor froggie, I didn't mean to kill you.

10. I really think I should be exempt from writing a tenth fact. numbers 8 and 9 were long drawn out stories with way more details than necessary. Sorry. Also, I think I might develop carpal tunnel syndrome from typing too much. I think I may take bets on who thinks I'll start showing symptoms... this could be a fun game. Let me know what you think.



Happy Tuesday everyone!

Bondye beni nou anpil!

Ok, I don't know why, but tiny, grey haired Haitian men have got to be the most adorable people ever. You can look at thier eyes and know that so much life has been lived in them.
I have two men that I want to tell you about. They have both stolen my heart and made me love this country even more.

Tonight I was sitting on my porch just wasting time on facebook. I saw Tancred walking my way. There was no reason for him to be over by my house since he always sits at the gate, and he usually isn't around at this time of the evening. I walked over to where he was and asked him what was going on, assuming there must be a problem. We began talking, and I'm still not sure if there was a problem or not, but nevertheless we got it settled. And then he began to tell me about how he was not happy that I was here all alone. So he decided he was going to sit and talk to me until the night guards got there. We talked for a while about nothing in particular. In case you don't remember, this is the man whom we were able to bless with a house in February. I asked him how his new house was and if he liked it.
His reaction was a little confusing. He looked angry for a second and then began to talk very fast. I realized he reacted this way because he couldn't even believe I was asking such a ridiculous question. He said, "You SAW my old house! You wouldn't even let your dog sleep there. You know that. (true)." He talked for a while about how great his new house was. Since it rained last night I asked about the rain. I thought he was going to cry when he told me that it did not come into the house! We talked about how awesome the sound of rain on the tin roof is. He talked about how "Bondye te beni nou"-"God has blessed us [his family.]"
He told me that today at the gate he heard me tell one of my friends from church that I was leaving on May 23 and that he was going to miss me. *biting back tears*.  I told him that I was not happy to leave. I wanted to stay here. Now the tears are welling in my eyes, threatening to run hot down my cheeks, my voice is getting all choked up and cracky. I tried to explain how God has put love in my heart for the people of Haiti, but that I love the people of Ti Guinea most of all! When I am at home I miss everyone here. I always pray for them. My heart hurts to come back. I told him that even if I'm away a very long time I don't want anyone to think I've forgotten them. I will never forget you. I told him the reason I am leaving in May is to finish school. He said, "I thought you were finished already." I had to explain that I was finished with one kind of school, but need to go back to school at least one more time, maybe two, to finish learning all that I want to learn.He smiled and said, "When you finish learning everything you will come back and serve us here?" It was a question, but by the way he asked it he already knew the answer. I shared my dreams for the future and he said he couldn't wait for me to come back and help them all.
Then we moved on and just talked about other things. Like how much we love the mountain, how beautiful it is up there. How God has blessed us with all these beautiful things here.
It was a precious, precious conversation with such a precious man. He's not someone I get to talk to on a day-to-day basis, but I'm so glad he came to say hello tonight. It started getting dark, and after making sure at least 3 times that I was going to be ok if left all alone, he decided to go home, munching on a mango as he went. 
I'm so blessed by the hearts of these people. He was so gracious to listen to my Kreyol (and compliment me on it.). I'm so glad we were able to give him a house. He knows he is blessed. He is so thankful. It is so beautiful to talk to someone so thankful.

 I believe I'v talked about this man before. I honestly don't know his name. Some people call him 'iron hands", I call him "the most adorable little man ever". Gersan told me he is the toughest man in the village. He is also somewhere around 5 feet tall. Did I mention I think he's adorable? I do. He came to me with a machete cut. He had been slaughtering a cow and somehow, I think he fell on the machete. He lost quite a bit of blood considering his age and size. The cut was deep, and I was worried about infection because it had been two days, and he said the machete had cow blood on it when he cut himself. His cut was decently deep, and his hands are so incredibly tough from all the work he's done in his lifetime. Hence the name iron hands. The first time I cleaned it there is no doubt in my mind that it was incredibly painful. But he stood and just watched and didn't so much as flinch or even blink. It was incredible. I asked if it hurt and he just smiled and said. "oh yes!" I found out later that this man has had a long history of running Americans out of the village. He has never liked Americans and doesn't welcome them here. Because of his situation, and my friendship with his daughter-in-law, I think he was persuaded to come to us for help. As he began to heal I saw his walls come down. He told me about his family. His wife, he told me, is crazy, she doesn't remember him or their kids.She only remembers her sister, so she lives with them to help take care of her. He has a few living kids, but most of them left and are in the Dominican Republic. He has no living brothers or sisters. He told me about his garden on the mountain, but how its becoming hard to climb up there to take care of it. I asked him his age the first day he came. He had no idea. Two days later he came back with a tiny paper folded and put in a matchbox that he kept in his pocket. It had "74" written on it, and he informed me that he found out, or figured out his age. It was so adorable.

Thankfully his hand began healing well. He really could have used stiches, but the butterfly bandages worked almost as well. He always thanks me before he leaves. At his last visit I told him I was so glad he had come and I was so happy that his hand was all healed. He looked at me with the most sincerity and told me, "Mesi boucoup, miss! Mesi anpil, miss! Mesi anpil anpil!" -"Thank you so much, nurse! Thank you a lot, nurse! Thank you a lot, a lot!"  I had to fight the urge to give him a huge hug and tell him that I loved him. (That would be somewhat culturally inappropriate).

I am so thankful for these two old men. Life has been lived in them. You can look in their eyes and see that.

God has blessed us! Bondye te beni nou!

Weekends are....

...weird.

Weekends hold so much variety. They can be so hard, so lonely, so slow. But they can also be so beautiful, so refreshing, so free.

This weekend, so far has been all of those things.

(Disclaimer: This post is more of a details-of-the-day post. Sorry for giving you all the details and no real thoughts, but my creativity is zilch right now.)

On Friday afternoon Guerline left and went to Limbe, planning on returning on Monday night. This gives me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night all alone. Half of me was excited to have some time where I'm alone and can just relax, do whatever I want, talk to myself without feeling totally crazy (I live on an island and have no one to speak English to... don't judge, you'd do it too!), whatever. Then Friday night came.
I checked skype. No one there.
My friends and family were all working, celebrating birthdays, going out with friends, taking weekend vacations, etc. I felt so alone. Then I wished Guerline was here. Instead of doing the normal thing that most human beings would do (enjoy some peace, read a book, etc.) I allowed myself to get very lonely. Cried a little, (ok, ok. a lot.) and went to sleep around 7pm, (yes I'm aware that I'm a grandma.) Around 11, I got an urgent text from a dear sweet friend of mine. Her brother was in the hopsital, very scary situation. I cried some more. Wishing I could do something. I hated that I wasn't there to talk to her or help in some way. Its hard to say, "Call me if you need anything at any time of day/night. I'm here for you." When your phone signal is spotty and you are oceans away.
I couldnt sleep again, so I distracted myself by doing some catch up reading on a few blogs, and eventually went back to sleep around 3am feeling much more peaceful and sane than I did at 7pm earlier.

Saturday was pretty stellar, and included all of my favorite things.

Jenny, (my baby) came by to visit me. She is such a cuddle bug, and I love that! One of the things I didn't think about before coming here was how much of a touch person I am. And how much I would miss being hugged all the time. (Meaning that when I come home I'm expecting all of you to hug me like you mean it!!!)

The whether was perfect: sunny, but not scorchingly so. I took a nice, long, cold shower (not my favorite, but being clean is nice), washed my hair for the first time in, well its not important how long its been, but I felt refreshed and clean. Then I warmed up dinner, which happened to be my absolute favorite Haitian food and skyped with a friend and compared our awesome days while I ate. After that I put fresh sheets on my bed, and it started raining on the tin roof (my favorite). After that I texted my mom for a while and had a few good laughs.

Since I had finished the book I was reading (Crazy love, by Francis Chan) that afternoon while Jenny was sleeping, I decided to start another. I began reading God Is the Gospel, by John Piper.  Y'all. Go buy this book and start reading it now! I'm only through the introduction and chapter 1, but its SO good so far. My sister, Gracie gave me Crazy love when she was here in February, and my dear friends Jeff and Natalie, whom I've adopted into the family, gave me God is the Gospel for my birthday in September. I can't believe I haven't started it until now, but I'm glad I finally started! So Saturday was just all around a great day! Praise God for days like that!

Today has been good so far. Sundays are always hard, but today hasn't been as hard as others. I figure Sundays are what you make of them. So I've started going to 2 churches on Sundays. The one here in the village. And also my church back home... (Thank you podcasts. My mom raved about the "Gospel of John" series back in '09, but I hadn't gotten to listen to it until now!)

Something I thought I'd never do that I did today... Listen to a sermon and suck on a mango and pick mango fibers out of my teeth... (I hope God didn't mind. I was enjoying His creation!)

So I guess the point of this post is to say that sometimes weekends are weird. This weekend I went from crying myself to sleep on Friday night, to having an awesome day on Saturday, to having what is so far, a pretty great Sunday. And I'm sure tonight will complete the weekend of awesome-weirdness!

If you are still reading this post you must be truely dedicated. I feel so lame that I'm just spouting off details of the day. I'm sorry if I bored you. I'll try harer next time. But for those of you that wonder what I do on a day to day basis and what little things make me happy (skype conversations, cuddly babies, cold showers, rain on the tin roof.)... Well. Now you know!

Have a Happy Sunday!

10 on Tuesday

Today is the 10 on Tuesday: Thankfulness edition.   (Its very long and wordy. But I am thankful for so much!)

Today God has opened my eyes to the beauty around me in Himself, in His people, and in His nature.

1. I'm sure you all have noticed, or I have told you how I've been missing home the past week or so. Its been hard. There have been times I wondered what possessed me to think I could do this for almost 5 months? I've cried. I've been upset. I've wanted to go home. As that was happening I began to lose my love for where I am and for the people I'm with. I started to only think about home. And at times, be upset with my decision to be here. Today. That is not the story. Beginning Saturday I started to feel more "here" than I had for about a week. Today, I feel totally here. Its been so wonderful. I had started to get nervous that I was going to spend the next 50 days counting down to coming home and not enjoying my time here. I am still looking forward to coming home, and I'm still missing people greatly, but I know the time will come to leave and I will be sad. I didn't want to leave with a bad taste in my mouth I wanted to spend the last two months I have here "ALL HERE" and that's how I feel today. Being all here has opened my eyes to many other of God's blessings that I had been missing. So, today I'm thankful for being 'here'.

2. Today I'm thankful for the mountains! I was walking to school today and looked up, I usually look down at the road because there are boulders, trash, animal excrement, and sometimes snakes that I like to avoid stepping on when I can. Today I looked up and was struck by the beauty. I truely live in the most beautiful place on earth! There is a huge gorgeous mountain in my back yard, an entire mountain range in my front yard, and river and hillside in my side yard. If I climb any of these hills I can see the whole valley. Lush, covered in trees bearing fruit like mangos, banannas, coconuts, among others. It is truely a gorgeous place. I had been missing it, so today I'm thankful for my eyes being opened to beauty.

3. I think a lot of my homesickness and feeling lonely was due to the fact that I have been doing a lot of work on my computer and haven't had the chance to go out in the village and visit with my friends. Even that short walk through the village is so special. I pass by the houses of those in the village and the children run out to say hello. The women look up from their washing clothes, or braiding hair, or whatever the chore of the afternoon is, and greet me. In recent months its not such a big deal for me to walk down the road. I've become somewhat normal. And I love that! I love that they know me. They know my schedule, and I'm just a part of their village. I walk by and have random coversations with the machans- street vendors. They make their food. The best I can describe it is little pillows full of a Haitian type of cole-slaw that are then deep fried to a golden brown. I've never tried one, but they look delicious. Some of them sell cold bottles of juice, or little crackers, or gum, or small bottles of rum, or shots of klere- homemade sugar cane liquor. Today I am thankful I got to walk through the village, have short conversations with my machan friends, and say hello to those walking down the road. Today I am thankful that they have accepted me into their village.

4. Today I'm thankful for my school kids. I haven't taught school with any regularity since my dad and Gracie were here visiting in early February and I think I missed it more than I realized. Teaching school here is always interesting. Every day is an adventure. Its easy to get discouraged, and in fact, that's what had happened, I felt like, I wasn't a good teacher, and even if I was I don't speak the language, and what is me teaching them English vocabulary going to do to help them? While its incredibly easy to get discouraged about teaching school here, I have realized its more about the relationships than anything else. Its not about them learning English, its about me spending time with them and pouring into their lives. The more time I spend here and the more I learn the more I realize that my ministry is about relationships. I'm not doing the health education in the same way I imagined, but I'm forming relationships. Maybe in the future I will be able to do so. But today, I'm thankful for my school kids. I'm thankful for them loving me. I'm thankful for thier smiles. I love my older class. They are so smart. I feel like they get it, and we can talk and goof off at the same time. Such a joy. The school kids are such a blessing. Thankful for them today.

5. I'm thankful for my weekend. This weekend I spent a lot of time in my hammock and reading books that have been in my little library, but I haven't gotten time to delve into. I relaxed, I napped, I spent time with Jesus. It was wonderful. On Sunday I went up to the mountain and had church with just me and God. I listened to podcasts of teaching from my church back home. It was so refreshing to sit in the sunshine and hear teaching from men who love Jesus and love to make much of him. (I think I even got a small tan in the process!) The sunshine and my "American" church refreshed my soul. So today I am thankful for my weekend, for the sunshine, and for the Savior who refreshes my heart.

6. I woke up this morning refreshed and feeling great! That is something to be thankful for in itself. I have never been one to dream much, or to remember my dreams when I do. I definitely don't have many scary dreams or nightmares. Until I came here. It seems like I dream every night. I can remember most of the dreams when I wake up, and many of them are very scary. In my time here I've woken myself up many times with little shrieks, from being afraid. Twice I've woken myself up laughing (I much prefer that). But today, I'm thankful for two consecutive nights of sweet sleep, and minimal dreaming. And when I did dream they were 'sweet dreams'. Today I'm thankful for rest.

7. Today I'm thankful for good mommys. On my way home from school I stopped by one of my favorite houses. I have to walk right by anyway and they are always in the yard, so I stopped by to say hello. This lady blessed me today. She always has a million kids all over her and in her yard. I don't know how many of them are her's, but I think she has at least 3 between the ages of 8 and 3. I have alway felt like she is a good mom, she just gives off that vibe. (Did I mention that she's beautiful? She is.) She's a little older, but wears her years well and shows the joy of those years in her face. Today I stopped by, and as she was helping one child get dressed she was helping her other little one learn how to read. I get the feeling that most of the adults in this village don't know how to read, and also that most moms don't help their children with homework. It blessed me to see this mother helping her little one to learn. So today, I'm thankful for mom's who care about their babies, and spend time making sure that they are getting the most from their education. (This includes my own dear, sweet, beautiful mom!)

8. I've been blessed recently in the food department. Until last week a woman named Janet came and made food for me. Her food was wonderful. After 3 months I'm still not sick of rice and beans. Its a miracle. But I'm still not sick of it. Last week I got a new cook. This lady is Tchaly's sister. She makes food for the orphans in the hospital in Limbe. She also used to make food for the American doctors who worked and lived here. She is straight from heaven. Her food is always an experience. Every bite is heavenly. Its also so spicy that it makes me reach for the water to put out the fire in my mouth, but the González in me really missed that. Anyway, after totally being blown away by her food I asked if she would teach me. So she's been teaching me how to make stellar Haitian food. I can't wait to try it when I get home!! So today I'm thankful for Madam Marcell and her willingness to help me be a better Haitian cook!

9. I'm thankful for silly moments when silly things happen and it makes me laugh. I was sitting here writing this post and heard Manfred Mann's song "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" in French. You know the song I'm talking about?
"There she was just a-walkin' down the street
Singin' Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do
Snappin' her fingers and shufflin' her feet
Singin' Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do
She looked good (looked good), she looked fine (looked fine)
She looked good, she looked fine and I nearly lost my mind"
I know you know the one. Anyway. Very funny and strange to hear it in French! So I'm thankful for weird moments that make me laugh.

10. Lastly, but not leastly.... I'm incredibly thankful for my friends. Both here and in the States. The ones in the states have listened to me complain and moan about how I miss home, how I miss them, etc. And they haven't complained (at least to my face.) In the past couple of days I have been so blessed. I've had wonderful, encouraging conversations with so many friends. I so much appreciate that I have friends that I can word vomit on. I'm thankful for friends that still ask me my opinion on everything, from heart issues, to haircuts. It is such a joy and a pleasure to know that I am not on this journey alone. I litterally could NOT ask for a better support group. So today I'm thankful for you! If you are reading this, I can't wait to give you a huge hug when I get home, and if we are lucky have a long chat over some coffee! Thank you for your prayers! Thank you for sharing your life with me. Even those of you who are strangers, I'm thankful for you! It blesses me to know that even people who I don't actually know are before God's throne praying for me. Thanking God for His provision of support and friendship.


I feel like I could write all day about things I'm thankful for. God has been so faithful. He always is. I can't wait to see what will happen in the next two months that I'm here. And I can't wait for you to journey with me!

Dramamine & Jazz music

Dramamine is a total essential for me in Haiti, and really, if I'm being honest, if I'm not behind the wheel, its an essential for me even in the U.S. But especially in Haiti! My dramamine intake has dramatically increased in the last 3 months. It makes for a more pleasant ride. Instead of focusing on trying to regulate my breathing, dealing with the cold/hot sweats, or thinking about my face turning green, or what would happen if I vomited. I can focus on the people I drive by, the country, the mountains, the rice fields, the driving, the potholes, etc. A few weeks ago I rode into Cap Haitian to pick up Daniel and Hudson when they arrived here to spend their spring breaks here working on projects around camp. I thankfully remembered to take my dramamine and it was a very pleasant ride into town. I was able to focus on looking out the window and also be engaged in things that were happening inside the car. One of those things being the Jazz music that Gersan was listening to. I was thinking to myself, "I don't really like Jazz all that much, I like the sound, but its so disorganized." As those thoughts were in my head Gersan mentioned a friend of his that said she didn't "get" Jazz. Immediately I felt an "AMEN!" That's my problem, its not that I don't like it. Its that I don't "get" it. Then, as is so normal for Gersan he dove into the reasons why he loved it, and tried to explain it to those car, as if to make his non present friend understand Jazz. He said there is the main drumline, or the main baseline. They set the tone and keep the song going, the trombone or the sax or the trumpet just kinda do their own thing and try to make it work with what the drums and bass are doing. Sometimes the sax and the trumpet clash for a while, but then sometimes it all works together and sounds great. As I was staring out the window, and had a clear, vomit-free mind, and contemplating the nuances of Jazz music, I realized that Jazz and Haiti are a lot alike. I don't "get" either of them. There are so, so many things about Haiti that I don't "get". There are days (and Jazz songs) that I totally get and love. And would listen to, or live over and over again. There are days (and Jazz songs) that I don't get at all and not only that, but they are frustrating and I honestly look forward to nothing more than them being over. Everyone in Haiti, to some extent marches to the beat of their own drum Saxaphone. There is a baseline, or, in voodoo culture, a drum beat that defines the lives of everyone. Many of the people have the same baseline, but what they do with their trumpet and sax can be oh, so different! Sometimes they work together beautifully, but sometimes it makes me want to reach for the "skip/search" button on the stereo. There are things that hold them together, poverty, hardship, language, etc. But there are so many differences, jobs, family relationsips, religion, etc. Each person chooses to be part of a team, or to make their own tune.

As I listen to the music of Haiti, I find myself sometimes reaching for the dramamine. That way I don't have to deal with the ugly or hardship that makes me want to turn green and vomit. I want to be comfortable. I want to pretend that everyone else is comfortable. See what I want to see. But I pray that I won't. I pray that I won't be comfortable with things around me. I have heard the term "compassion drainage", where people, like me, who have seen poverty and pain will see it as normal. It is not normal. Nothing about this country is normal. Nothing about orphans, sickness, poverty, or voodoo is normal. I pray that I will look at Haiti without dramamine eyeglasses. Its good to be uncomfortable sometimes, it makes me trust my Lord more, and praise Him loudly when I step foot on solid ground again.


As I study Haiti. I want to hear the beauty in every Jazz song. Every sax solo, and every compilation. I don't want to have to take dramamine to keep me from getting motion sickness. I want to experience it all, happy, sad, painful, joyful, or heartbreaking. As God intended. It is all music to His ears.

40 on Friday (part 1)

Ok. I feel like a total blogging failure. We are more than halfway through March and I have blogged only twice. In my defense, I have had more internet problems than I care to go into or relive right now. I’m currently writing this post in Microsoft Word hoping that by the time I finish my internet will have loaded the blogger page. I have written numerous blogs in my head and started a few on the computer, so maybe someday I’ll catch up. Today I decided since I have missed two 10 on Tuesdays and numerous other blogs I have decided to introduce this a blue moon special, “40 on Friday.” So here goes… This is all the fun you have missed! This will be a 2 part blog. (it actually was going to be the 10 on Tuesday, but the internet didn’t work… then it was going to be the 30 on Thursday, but again… internet troubles. So here goes part 1 of 2 in the 40 on Friday.

1. On Friday, March 4th we had almost 100 people here at camp for the retreat. They stayed until Wednesday, March 9th and, I believe had a lot of fun. Remember, my job was to find and secure beds for all of them? Yeah, I was planning on having 46 people and then found out there were 81 coming… which quickly turned into almost 100. Needless to say, it was a stressful few hours/days for me. The camp went well overall. It was full of challenges though. The staff of the camp was not open to using our program or hearing our suggestions. I think it was a little frustrating for all of us. Finally, on Monday, they asked for help and after that camp went great. We got to do our activities and play some camp games, as well as have a really special time of campfire. Overall, God was glorified, which is always a victory.



2. We had a few days of rest and then Daniel Frantz and Hudson Stone arrived from Texas on Saturday, March 12 to spend spring break here at Jacob’s Well and get some work projects done. It has been so refreshing for them to be here. After the crazy week with camp and the stress of having 100ish people on our campsite, I needed a change of pace.



3. This past weekend marked the midway point of my trip. That brings up a lot of emotions and thoughts, both sad and happy. Its almost impossible to believe that I have been here for two and a half months already, in some ways it feels like it has flown by. In other ways it seems like its been a long, long time. I have learned so much. It has been so different than I was expecting, but in a lot of ways exactly what I expected. I have accomplished some of my goals for being here and that is so encouraging, but in some ways I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything at all.



4. This past weekend also marked the year and 2 month anniversary of the earthquake here in Haiti. I have done a lot of thinking and praying about it. God has done an incredible amount of healing in my heart and mind over the past year. I am, at times completely overwhelmed by his total faithfulness to me. It has not been an easy year, but I have been far from alone.



5. Its mid March. This means we are entering the phase where I will be hearing about an acceptance decision from the Nursing department at Texas A&M Health Science Center. As much as I am loving not having school this semester and not having to worry about tests and homework, I am starting to get excited about going to school again. I am learning so much here, but a lot of it is learning what great need there is. I’ve mentioned Christina (the baby with the burns) and Lèlène (with the motorcycle accident), and this week I have added a few more patients to my list. I am so glad that I have been able to be here to help them, but every day I see the need to go back to Nursing school. I’m praying (and you can too!!) that I will get accepted to the Nursing school in College Station at the Health Science Center. Due to various circumstances that occurred last minute, I ended up only applying to this one school. I very strongly feel that this is where the Lord wants me, but then again… God is sometimes so full of unexpected surprises.



6. Speaking of new patients… My newest patient is the tiniest little man in the village. He’s so adorable. But don’t be fooled. He is THE toughest guy in the village. Maybe it comes with being small. Gersan told me he has a reputation for running Americans out of the village. He has always been anti-American presence here and doesn’t appreciate us. On Monday he was doing something and fell on his machete. Thankfully he only sliced his hand, but it is a pretty serious cut. Guess who he came to for help? Me. I was able to help bandage and clean his wound and he has come back every day since. Remember how I said he was the toughest guy in the village? If you saw this guy’s hand you would know. He has calluses equal to those on my feet. He watched me clean and dig grass and dirt out of the flesh in his hand without so much as a flinch. It would be great if he could get stitches in this hand, but I don’t have access to them and I know he won’t go to the hospital. Today Daniel and I put some butterfly closures on the most serious parts. I’m very optimistic about the way its going to heal, its already looking good and staying infection free. Did I mention he is the most adorable man ever? The man is probably 4 feet and 7 inches tall and super tough, but so cute. The first day he came with some family that brought him. I asked him his age and he honestly had no idea. Today he came all alone, knowing what Gersan told me about him and how he feels about white people I was interested to see how it was going to go. I walked up and asked him how he was doing. He launched into telling me about his family and his wife and kids and his life. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a match box and took out a tiny piece of paper with, “74” written on it. He handed me the paper telling me he found out how old he was. I can’t wait to see how his hand heals, and maybe continue to change his view of Americans.



7. Since Daniel and Hudson have been here we have been able to get a lot done here around camp. In the states, Hudson is a Petroleum Engineering student at Texas A&M (whoop!) and indoor soccer lover. Daniel is a Biology/Psych student at DBU and a barista at a local coffee shop in Dallas. When they are here in Haiti they become our “professional consultants” on all things plumbing, construction, maintenance, etc. So far they have installed a new hot water heater, built and roofed a house or two, laid pipe for a main water line, fixed the plumbing issues in the kitchen and consulted on numerous future projects here around camp. Its only been a few days and we have gotten so much done.



8. We received word last week that we had an anonymous donor that donated enough money for us to finish our cistern. We are going to be starting work on our cistern very soon. The hardest part of hosting groups here is our lack of water. Without a cistern we are very hard pressed to provide water for our teams. Praise God for His provision.



9. I have almost finished the child sponsorship program for the school. Please be praying for me as I try to finish preparing and try to start this program. It would be such a wonderful opportunity to be able to provide the village with a better opportunity to have some education. This program will give the parents an opportunity to send their children to school, but will give them a sense of ownership and give them opportunities to get involved in their children’s life and education.



10. As I mentioned before my two friends Daniel and Hudson are here doing work and bringing some sanity and English conversation into my life. Its been such a blast hanging out with these two guys and even though we are working we are having loads of fun. Because they are here I’m going to take advantage of them for a second and have them help me write this post.



Thanks for having patience with me (or really my internet). I’m going to be doing the best I can and praying for God to work a miracle and make it move faster than frozen molasses.




Meet Daniel Frantz:
I first experienced Haiti, and Jacob’s Well January of 2010. As a part of the FC team that left the island about 40 hrs before the quake. Back then Jacobs well had one building, a bathroom/storage depot, but as Matt Raines would say, if you have good staff, a field and a ball you can have camp. That is what Jacobs Well used to be, today it is unrecognizable from just a little over a year ago. God has blessed this land, and the ministry of Jacob’s Well. And I thank Him for letting me see His hands at work here.

1. The spring break trip – Hudson and I were here with the last trip, Haiti 6, and both decided we would love to come back, and the Lord blesses us by granting that wish. As Noelle has said getting things done in this country can be difficult to say the least, and traveling is rarely an exception. We had to leave the states on Friday, meaning an overnight layover and almost 24 hrs total travel time from departure to arrival at JW. We spent a pretty good amount of time wondering if our bags would make it all the way to PAP or weather we would be picked up from the airport. But God is good and after a tiring day of travel we arrived in CAP and were warmly greeted by Noelle, Betty, Gersan, and Bos Varis (and a Toro!) Home sweet home.

2. This is my fourth time to come to JW since Jan 2010, I am always astounded by God’s glory as the camp continues to expand. Yet, as much growth as there has been, the plan for the future dwarfs its current state. I cannot wait to see how the Lord will bless JW and pray I will be allowed to be a part of the growth.

The following are some of the newest additions to Jacob’s Well.

3. The windmill, after some stressful moments regarding the mill, it seems to be an amazing tool and will hopefully save a ton of money on gas for the generator.

4. New plumbing, an ongoing process, we are in the process of running a new main line that will provide a more reliable water source for the time being. Improving the current “cistern” (two cubic meter water tanks), repairing leaking drains on the kitchen sinks, and hopefully repairing a drainage problem at the shower house.

5. New water heater (well old heater new installment) it is quite an expensive propane powered, heat-as-you-go heater, and has been sitting in the depot for at least a year now (the current heater is a standard 40 gallon electric heater). We haven’t purchased the propane yet but hope to have it running within the next few days. Switching to propane will also lighten the load on the generator and reduce the amount of electricity needed to run camp.

6. Cabins, we are helping finish the last of the two rooms cabins and put up two more one room style cabins (same style as Tancred’s new house that was finished today! Noelle is planning on posting pictures when the internet isn’t as big of a disappointment).

7. A few days after we arrived we were introduced to an amazing new trail to the “upstairs” that is much better than the old ankle breaking path.

8. Another beautiful addition is the Jacob’s Well mosaic. It used to be a gravel platform used as a meeting/eating area in the past (and under where the Haiti 6 interns, Jack, Greta and myself hung our hammocks).

9. One thing Hudson and I were able to do is bring some new tools to Jacob’s Well (thanks to “the Man” Richard Stephens for buying/providing them!) Some of the tools we brought include a stellar Dewalt Table saw which I have yet to use, but hope to work on a few projects with Bos Tchaly and get some use out of it. We also brought Tchaly a new tool belt, every carpenter of his skill needs a good tool belt, and some seeds for Guerline’s garden.

10. Finally, another item we brought with us were mouse/rat traps (they deserve their own number). When I was here with the other interns over Christmas break Greta and I saw a massive rat in the depot, and Noelle has seen a few herself recently so I figured we could put an end to these rodent shenanigans. So far the traps have been set for a little over 24 hrs and the body count thus far is 4. Three of the slain were rats and one mouse, but we’re hoping to kill off a lot more before we leave (and Noelle will then have to empty and re-load the traps, she doesn’t seem thrilled to do that)


... stay tuned for part 2.

Beautiful in His Time

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end." (Eccl 3:11)

I'm kinda a sucker for beautiful things. Thankfully, I am living smack-dab in the middle of beauty right now. I have a mountain in my back yard and if I walk a little way I have a huge gorgeous valley in the front yard. I live among the most beautiful people I have ever met. I see the beauty around me and can't help but worship the Creator.

Not everything here is beautiful. There are very, very ugly things here. Satan and his hold on these people's hearts is ugly. Very Ugly.

The lack of, well, everything, food, shelter, and healthcare is ugly.
Or is it? Is it ugly? or is it Joy? Is He making it beautiful?

The lack of resources is not the main problem that this village has. It is the lack of Christ. The lack of freedom. Jesus came to seek and save that which was lost (Lk 19:10). But if we look at His life, he did more than that. He helped the poor and crippled. He healed the sick, and fed the hungry. If we are to be the body of Christ we are called to do those things too. He is making all this hurt beautiful in HIS time.

His time can be so different from mine sometimes, and as Solomon says, we cannot find out or understand what God is doing from beginning to end. But sometimes.... Sometimes, before the word leaves our lips, before we are even aware of our need He has provided.

On Friday night I was talking to Gersan and Betty about Tchaly. He is our carpenter here on campus. Always laughing, always singing, always joyful, always a total joy to be around. He works so hard. (He is also the one with the baby, who's burn I have been taking care of.) Gersan was talking about how he wishes he could pay Tchaly more for his hard work. And he could probably get a better paying job somewhere else, but God has a track record of blessing those who work here, and the money they earn. Some of these other people came from better paying jobs to work here, and have been offered other, better paying jobs, but they choose to stay, because they love working here and because God is blessing them for that.

Gersan told me about Tchaly's house. He described it as only a tiny step up from Tancred's house that I wrote about earlier. Tchaly has been saving and saving, but will probably never be able to finish building his house. Gersan said, "I want to give him a house, but that would cost around $2000 USD and we just don't have that right now."

Immediately, my heart leaped! $2000!!!!
I had gotten a text message from my mom that afternoon that Redeemer Bible Church, my home church in Tomball wanted to give $2000 to us to use however we like. I hadn't told Gersan and Betty this yet, but felt this was a good time.

God is so good. Without them even knowing it, He put that amount on the hearts of the Redeemer leaders, on the day that Gersan mentioned wanting to use that amount for a house!

God is making this beautiful! It has already been made beautiful, but He is letting us glimpse the beauty!

God is using Jacob's Well here in this village to change the mentality of people here. After giving Tancred a house, and taking care of  Lèlène and her leg the village is starting to talk. They are starting to see the "pay it forward" mentality. Doing nice things for others just because. I call it the "pay it forward" mentality, but really, it is the "Body of Christ" model. Tala's house needs a new roof, and we are almost sure that if we help Tchaly with his house that he will gladly take care of her roof out of thankfulness, and ask nothing in compensation. We are praying hard that God will continue to change the hearts of the people here.

This is the second time this week that God has blessed our socks off.
I found out this week that for almost a year now, or maybe more, Gersan has wanted to start a chicken business. Immediately after Boss Varis, one of our head guys, started working here he was asking about when he could start the chicken business. His son knows how to take care of them and it would be a wonderful micro development project. Gersan had wanted that for a long time anyway too, but never mentioned it to anyone. Last week I got an email from my boss at Frontier Camp saying that he wanted to talk about chickens. (I'm thinking... "ok??? That's random.") There is a family that goes to Foundry United Methodist Church and they teach the confirmation class for the youth there. They want to start emphasizing missions more, and wanted to use Jacob's Well as their project. The teacher of the class raises chickens in his backyard as sort-of a hobby, but also for meat and eggs. They decided that they wanted to raise the money, as a class, to buy 100 chickens for us as well as all the materials needed to build a chicken coop, hire someone to take care of them, feed the chickens, and gather eggs and meat to sell, or use for the staff here at camp. (Remember Gersan has never mentioned that he wanted to do this to any Americans.) I wish I could have seen his reaction when he recieved that email!

God is so good. He is so creative. His timing is so perfect. He can use things like chickens to remind us of how good He is.

Sometimes when God's timing is the same as mine it makes me realize how cool He is. But God's timing is not always the same as mine, not at all. But It is times like these that I learn I can trust Him. His timing is better than mine. It may not feel like it as i sit and wait and wait and wait and pray and pray and pray, but it is beautiful. He will make all things good in HIS time. 

For example, earlier I mentioned the ugly things here in my village. Satan and his hold on the people being one of them. While, for now, the big voodoo ceremony is over I know there will be others. It is not God's timing to totally remove all of the voodoo preists right now. But if you consider the whole picture you will see that less than 6 years ago there were 12 voodoo temples in this village. Today there are 3. THREE! And God is slowly turning the hearts of at least two of those three towards Him. I want them to know Jesus today. But, His timing is perfect.

He has made all things beautiful. He is a beautiful creator. Life is beautiful already. But sometimes He makes it more beautiful so that we will stop and recognize Him as the creator.

Notice something beautiful today.
Happy Sunday!