Quieter Times

{This was written about a month ago, but not posted... oops! I've gone back and done some editing/changing. but most of this is still where I am today}

I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to blog more when I'm in Haiti. I don't know if its because I think more there, or because I have no one I can pour out my heart and thoughts to (so I just do it online for the whole world to see.) I'm not sure why, but it seems like every time I come home it gets more difficult for me to keep up the blog properly. Not just online, but in my head too. Since I've started writing its really helped me process through stuff, no matter what the situation, once I write about it I feel like its more of a processed, learned lesson than just raw thoughts and emotions. Bottom line, when I don't blog I sometimes (ok, most of the time) feel like a crazy person.

Since I've been home, honestly, even since I came home in April for those three weeks, I feel like life is moving fast and not giving me a whole lot of opportunity to think or catch up about things. I haven't been emotional at all about leaving Haiti, and I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Yesterday was the first day I really even gave it any thought, and when I did the tears came... I'm honestly not sure where the tears came from or why, but they did.

I'm now at Frontier Camp working as the "camp nurse" of sorts. (not there anymore, now I'm in College Station again.) yesterday was hard. I had time to think for the first time in a while. I talk often of how living in two places can tear at your heart. It does. I miss them. There are actually quite a few people here at camp that have been to Haiti and can understand how I'm feeling to some extent, but due to the busy nature of their jobs it is virtually impossible to have anything longer than a 2 minute conversation. So I've been talking to Jesus. I guess all things considered He's the best one to talk to anyway, right?

Its so humbling to me when I realize that I sometimes treat talking to Jesus as a lesser blessing than others. I mean, He can't give me hugs, He can't look me in the eye and tell me that its going to be ok, but He is the best listener with the best advice.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy, my burden is light."
He will not give me anything that I can't handle in His strength. His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and I am so weak sometimes. I let circumstances steal my joy, I let my selfishness get in the way of encouragement and loving others, I let the hard parts of the day rule, and the victories take back seat. His strength is made perfect in that. He is the one that can give me joy reguardless of how selfish I am. He is the one that can make me not focus on my problems, but on loving and encouraging others. He is the one. The only one that matters.


***

Ok, so that was written about 2 months ago. Wow. I can't believe I've been home for that long! Its almost been 3 months! 3 months in Haiti felt like a lot longer than the last few months have felt here. Life here moves so fast. I'm not sure if I like it or not. I finished my 5 weeks at camp and I'm not in College Station re-taking Anatomy. Thankfully the class is going really well. It feels like its going at the speed of light. A 4 hour credit in 4 weeks. 4 hours of lecture a day, starting at 7:30 am. Its been tough, but definitely bearable. I'm still in the application process for nursing school. I'm reapplying for the program here at Texas A&M and for a program in Victoria, as well as a program in San Antonio. I'm hoping for College Station.... but really I'm hoping for anything... I'll keep you updated.

I promise I'm working on my blogging. I have diagnosed my blog-avoidance disorder, and I'm working at getting to the root of the issue. I think the best therapy is going to be blog therapy, so hopefully I'll be faithful in that. I don't make any promises. We'll see how it plays out.

Bye for now.

Still Alive

I've gotten a few comments, notes, emails from worried friends recently...
"Are you ok?" "Are you still alive?" "Why did you quit blogging when you came back from Haiti?" "Are you going to start blogging again?"

I think the answer to all of those questions is "YES!" I'm ok. I'm alive. I did stop, but I'm going to start again. Here goes...


Dear Blog,


I've missed you so much over the last month and a half. Its crazy how I didn't realize what a good thing I had till it was gone. I've missed you, you are such a good listener, you make me laugh, you make me cry. When I don't tell you what's going on in my life I feel totally crazy, like my thoughts are only a big jumble of random, but when I write them out, I can actually process what's happening.

Ok, so writing to the imaginary persona of my blog feels weird, so I'm just gonna write.... I'm out of practice, so bear with me. I'm sure the total-life word vomiting will come back like riding a bike. 

I'm back from Haiti, but I don't think my journey is over. I'm on so many journeys right now. Some are new and fresh and exciting and challenging. Others are frustrating, monotonous, and tearful, while still others are windy, unknown, and looming over my head with a sense of doom and sunshine all together. I'm glad that the blog is flexible. Its probably going to be changing gears. I doubt that I'll have crazy life stories happening every day, or language-barrier issues, or other things I experienced in Haiti, but life continues. And up to this point God's kept my life pretty exciting and unpredictable.

So... Where have I been? I've actually been pretty busy this last month and a half! I went back to work at Frontier Camp as the Health Care Assistant for the beginning of the summer. It was so fun. So great to see all of my close friends again. Camp has always been my second home of sorts, and I love being there. The only problem was that I didn't have internet access while I was there, so the blog (and sometimes my sanity) suffered.
I've been home from camp for about a week, but dove straight into a summer school class. In fact, last week I was driving back and forth to camp from my class. Totally exhausting, but definitely worth it. Last week I had the opportunity to speak to the kids at camp about my experiences in Haiti, some of what I had done there over the past 4 years, and what God has been, and continues to be doing in the hearts of the people of the country. It was so rewarding to get to talk to these kids and encourage them to have a missional heart and mindset. When I wasn't driving last week I was studying, but now, with my first test out of the way I know what to expect from the class and I'm ready to be back to blogging!

Now, with no more Haiti stories what am I going to be talking about? Well, I usually just word-vomit my life, so we'll see how that goes. I also have a million ideas of things to try this summer, crafts, recipes, hobbies... I'll probably bring back the 10 on Tuesday... we'll see what happens.

I feel weird writing this post, its like I've been "on break" from a good friend and have a whole lot of catching up to do... My writing is feeling rusty right now, so I may just leave some of the catching up for later. But stay tuned for pictures, stories, ideas, and whatever else may run through my head!