I love reading other people's blogs. I love their honesty. I love their adventures. I love their humor.
Its so exciting and wonderful that we have this outlet to talk about our lives. To beautifully journal out our hearts, or maybe not so beautifully vent.
Some people's blogs make me laugh. Some make me cry... a lot.
However, if I were to be 100% honest with you I'd have to admit I do find myself getting jealous.
Sometimes I'm jealous of other people's humor and writing style. I think, "I bet if I were a funnier writer....something" I don't even know what would happen, but at least I'd be funny!
Last week I found myself jealous of other people's situations. Most of the blogs I read are of missionaries, living in countries that I want to be in. Like the Hendricks, the Livesay's, the Stone's, Theresa, and all the other blogs that I read by snowballing from my friends blogs.
Its really hard to read other people's adventures and blogs and be stuck here.
I found a plane ticket Thursday night.
No. Not like magically found it stuck in a book somewhere. I "found" after about 45 minutes of plane research to find the cheapest ticket. I considered running away one weekend in October.
Round trip price $520 (That's including the tax already.)
I was impressed. And pretty tempted to take that trip. I have learned a few things about purchasing plane tickets since my last trip... I won't tell you exactly how much I paid for my last plane ticket, but it was almost double what this $520 one was.
Knowing that I couldn't run away I did the next best thing... cry.
I miss my Haiti. I miss the Kreyol. I miss the children, their smiles, their nappy hair, their accents when the Limbe kids mimic our English, "Watiz yo rnaam?" (Say it out loud= What is your name?), when they see us and shout "gig'em" and "howdyee". Then they go running half clothed through the village shouting "Blanc! Blanc! Blanc!" alerting the neighborhood that we have arrived! I just miss it all.
I've had a lot of conversations about "the future" and Haiti recently. More specifically, what life would look like if the future doesn't include Haiti... and what if it does?
I've come to a place where I realize that... ummmm.....
(I've now stared at the beginning of that sentence trying to come up with an end to it for the past 15 minutes...)
OK. Here's where I am:
I want to serve the Lord with my life.
I want that to be in Haiti.
For now, I think those two things are in agreement.
However, I have realized that just because I think God wants me in Haiti for now doesn't mean that He's going to want me there forever.
I have a desire to be a wife and a mother. After holding Annie Bowles all of last night, the mommy part of me is really excited for the day I'll be able to hold my own babies. I have this really adorable vision of me and my children (some of them adopted with beautiful black skin) sitting in our hut and playing in the dirt in Haiti. I can see myself panicking the first time my son gets too high up in the coconut tree, or being emotional when my daughter makes me my first flower and weed bracelet. It will be awesome.
But while I can see that and think it will be awesome. I can also see myself having the makings of a pretty good American soccer mom. I don't think I could drive a mini van (they weird me out), but an SUV or a Tahoe I could drive.
Basically, I'm excited to see what's ahead.
Hoping that it is Haiti.
But excited either way.
I told a good friend yesterday that as awesome as my plans are, I know that God is faithful and His plans are perfect. I love it when our plans are the same. I pray for that! But I know that if my heart is seeking His I'll be more than happy wherever I am.
And I'm looking forward to that!