Storytelling. Share your story.

I started this blog 5 and a half years ago with no intention of anyone ever reading it, I just needed to get some stuff out and it was a way of sharing my story.

At the time, I was telling my story constantly, everyone wanted to know my story (or at least the part of my story that got me on prime time news on multiple news channels. The "Local girl survived the earthquake in Port Au Prince, Haiti".) Churches wanted me to share about what God was doing and how I saw God working. Schools wanted me to come and talk to their students about my story. I told my story all the time...

...how I was in an unfamiliar country after a mission trip after my team had returned to the U.S, and through a strange turn of events I was volunteering for a few days at a burn clinic until I returned to the states...
...how we had gone to visit a school in the morning and it was just like any other day...
...how I took an afternoon siesta and was awoken by vigorous shaking...
...how I tried to get down off my bunk bed and ended up pretty much getting thrown to the ground and not being able to get my feet back under me again...
...how after the shaking stopped I reached for my phone to text my mom and say nonchalantly, "well, I think I just experienced my first earthquake." But I didn't have any signal...
...how I had no idea that what would transpire over the next 72 or so hours would cause me to tremble and cry and nearly shut down completely every time anything shook or rumbled around me....
...how I had no idea the magnitude of what had happened until I realized I didn't have signal and I looked up and listened...
...how I could see the huge cloud of ash covering Port au Prince and I could hear screams in the distance...
...how the next couple of days I worked in the clinic that became a hospital...
...how I assisted with a brain surgery without anesthesia, I scraped debris from a woman's head and face and filled a bucket with what I removed....
...how I cared for burns that were worse than I ever care to see again...
...how I worked on a woman for hours and hours until finally holding her head in my lap as she took her last breath...
...how I wept for her soul, when I realized it should have been me who didn't make it, me who knows Jesus and knows who holds my future, but I had no idea what her future held.
...I shared my story of how when I tried to sleep and closed my eyes all I could see were the people I had worked all day in the clinic on, and I could still feel the ground shaking about every 20 minutes. Each time imagining the roof falling on me and inflicting one of the wounds I had just spent hours tending to.

*this post includes an email written to my dad that day during the most raw moment of my entire life to date*

For about 6 months I shared my story constantly, people wanted to "grab coffee", hear about my story, and know what they could do. I told them about Haiti, and about that time, about how my experiences were making me excited to go to nursing school one day. But I don't think I told many people that I struggled with severe guilt because I survived. I didn't tell them that even 6 months later I would wake up crying when the train would go by my house at 3a.m. and my bed would shake (which I had never noticed before in the 4 years of living in that same room), They didn't know I called my mom every Monday afternoon like clockwork sobbing so hard I could barely breathe because I just couldn't do another Monday because that meant it was a whole week until the weekend when I could drive home and sit on the couch with my mom and dad and just cry if I needed to. I didn't share that part of my story with everyone. Some people knew some parts of it, but most didn't.

I've been thinking a lot about my story recently, about how I always want people to know the good stuff. Like I said, I started this blog almost as therapy, 6 months after the earthquake and the amount of people who cared about the earthquake in Haiti drastically diminished. I needed some sort of outlet, and I was able to share my story here. I just sat down and would write. Whatever came out wherever the words led me, much like I'm doing tonight. Then, after a while I would start "writing" all the time, in my head, just waiting till I could get to the computer to dump it all out. My story changed, I moved back to Haiti, I lived there, I blogged all the time, I figured people cared, I cared, I wasn't busy, I didn't have any reason not to write. Then my story changed again and I totally stopped writing, I had all the reasons not to write, I frequently wished that I wrote more, but now I have this weird feeling that my writing needs to be edited, clean, and flow nicely, but most of all it needs to be interesting. I think that prevents me from even sitting down to write. My mundane life isn't interesting to anyone else, so at the expense of my mental health sometimes, I don't write because I don't feel like my thoughts are important enough to be solidified in the internet stratosphere forever.

But this time of year always brings reflection, probably because of the new year and everyone wants a "fresh start". I always think about a fresh start, and wouldn't that be nice, but really I just want to keep living my ever changing story. The earthquake was my story 6 years ago today. It still is my story, but there is a lot more to my story now too, and I'm realizing that all of it needs to be shared.

I've been thinking about my story recently because I've been thinking about Peggy's story. Peggy is our dog, we adopted her about two weeks ago. She is about 5 years old, white and brown German shorthaired pointer. She loves to play fetch and will play for 3 hours straight if you let her. She snores when she sleeps and dances when we come home, she stands on her two back feet when she's too short to see stuff and its stupid how cute she is. Daniel and I just love her and think she's adorable all the time, except when she pees on our rug. Peeing on rug = not adorable. When I look at Peg I see her story in her eyes. I know its there. She's lived a tough life, she's been a mom, she's been out on the street, and I don't think she has always belonged to a family who loves her. I am always learning about her. I wish she could tell me her story while I pet her super soft ears. I wish she could tell me how she got that scar and tear on her left ear and why she walks with a limp sometimes. I love her and I don't know her story. Dan and I love her right where she is, peeing on the rug and all. I wonder how much life she has lived and why that makes her act the way she does. I want to know her story, but knowing it won't make me love her any more or less. However, knowing might help me to love her better.

(I know you are all dying to see a pic of Peg, so here you go!)

I think so often I am scared to tell my story, not just about the earthquake, but about my job, my marriage, my faith, my insecurities, my hopes and dreams. I'm worried about what people might think, that they might see I don't have it all instagram filtered perfectly, or that they will think my story is boring. I like to think I don't really have those fears, but I think I do. I think that, among other reasons is why I haven't written in so long, or why I only write seldomly. But recently I've been so comforted by knowing that when I share my story, whatever it is, whatever is going on with me right then, it won't make people love me any more or less, but it might help them to know me better, and I might be able to love THEM better too by sharing.


So that's my encouragement for the day. Share your story. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
My story today is so different than my story 6 years ago, but I wouldn't change any of it, I pray that I will just keep on living my story, and sharing my story as it comes along.

40 on Friday (part 1)

Ok. I feel like a total blogging failure. We are more than halfway through March and I have blogged only twice. In my defense, I have had more internet problems than I care to go into or relive right now. I’m currently writing this post in Microsoft Word hoping that by the time I finish my internet will have loaded the blogger page. I have written numerous blogs in my head and started a few on the computer, so maybe someday I’ll catch up. Today I decided since I have missed two 10 on Tuesdays and numerous other blogs I have decided to introduce this a blue moon special, “40 on Friday.” So here goes… This is all the fun you have missed! This will be a 2 part blog. (it actually was going to be the 10 on Tuesday, but the internet didn’t work… then it was going to be the 30 on Thursday, but again… internet troubles. So here goes part 1 of 2 in the 40 on Friday.

1. On Friday, March 4th we had almost 100 people here at camp for the retreat. They stayed until Wednesday, March 9th and, I believe had a lot of fun. Remember, my job was to find and secure beds for all of them? Yeah, I was planning on having 46 people and then found out there were 81 coming… which quickly turned into almost 100. Needless to say, it was a stressful few hours/days for me. The camp went well overall. It was full of challenges though. The staff of the camp was not open to using our program or hearing our suggestions. I think it was a little frustrating for all of us. Finally, on Monday, they asked for help and after that camp went great. We got to do our activities and play some camp games, as well as have a really special time of campfire. Overall, God was glorified, which is always a victory.



2. We had a few days of rest and then Daniel Frantz and Hudson Stone arrived from Texas on Saturday, March 12 to spend spring break here at Jacob’s Well and get some work projects done. It has been so refreshing for them to be here. After the crazy week with camp and the stress of having 100ish people on our campsite, I needed a change of pace.



3. This past weekend marked the midway point of my trip. That brings up a lot of emotions and thoughts, both sad and happy. Its almost impossible to believe that I have been here for two and a half months already, in some ways it feels like it has flown by. In other ways it seems like its been a long, long time. I have learned so much. It has been so different than I was expecting, but in a lot of ways exactly what I expected. I have accomplished some of my goals for being here and that is so encouraging, but in some ways I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything at all.



4. This past weekend also marked the year and 2 month anniversary of the earthquake here in Haiti. I have done a lot of thinking and praying about it. God has done an incredible amount of healing in my heart and mind over the past year. I am, at times completely overwhelmed by his total faithfulness to me. It has not been an easy year, but I have been far from alone.



5. Its mid March. This means we are entering the phase where I will be hearing about an acceptance decision from the Nursing department at Texas A&M Health Science Center. As much as I am loving not having school this semester and not having to worry about tests and homework, I am starting to get excited about going to school again. I am learning so much here, but a lot of it is learning what great need there is. I’ve mentioned Christina (the baby with the burns) and Lèlène (with the motorcycle accident), and this week I have added a few more patients to my list. I am so glad that I have been able to be here to help them, but every day I see the need to go back to Nursing school. I’m praying (and you can too!!) that I will get accepted to the Nursing school in College Station at the Health Science Center. Due to various circumstances that occurred last minute, I ended up only applying to this one school. I very strongly feel that this is where the Lord wants me, but then again… God is sometimes so full of unexpected surprises.



6. Speaking of new patients… My newest patient is the tiniest little man in the village. He’s so adorable. But don’t be fooled. He is THE toughest guy in the village. Maybe it comes with being small. Gersan told me he has a reputation for running Americans out of the village. He has always been anti-American presence here and doesn’t appreciate us. On Monday he was doing something and fell on his machete. Thankfully he only sliced his hand, but it is a pretty serious cut. Guess who he came to for help? Me. I was able to help bandage and clean his wound and he has come back every day since. Remember how I said he was the toughest guy in the village? If you saw this guy’s hand you would know. He has calluses equal to those on my feet. He watched me clean and dig grass and dirt out of the flesh in his hand without so much as a flinch. It would be great if he could get stitches in this hand, but I don’t have access to them and I know he won’t go to the hospital. Today Daniel and I put some butterfly closures on the most serious parts. I’m very optimistic about the way its going to heal, its already looking good and staying infection free. Did I mention he is the most adorable man ever? The man is probably 4 feet and 7 inches tall and super tough, but so cute. The first day he came with some family that brought him. I asked him his age and he honestly had no idea. Today he came all alone, knowing what Gersan told me about him and how he feels about white people I was interested to see how it was going to go. I walked up and asked him how he was doing. He launched into telling me about his family and his wife and kids and his life. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a match box and took out a tiny piece of paper with, “74” written on it. He handed me the paper telling me he found out how old he was. I can’t wait to see how his hand heals, and maybe continue to change his view of Americans.



7. Since Daniel and Hudson have been here we have been able to get a lot done here around camp. In the states, Hudson is a Petroleum Engineering student at Texas A&M (whoop!) and indoor soccer lover. Daniel is a Biology/Psych student at DBU and a barista at a local coffee shop in Dallas. When they are here in Haiti they become our “professional consultants” on all things plumbing, construction, maintenance, etc. So far they have installed a new hot water heater, built and roofed a house or two, laid pipe for a main water line, fixed the plumbing issues in the kitchen and consulted on numerous future projects here around camp. Its only been a few days and we have gotten so much done.



8. We received word last week that we had an anonymous donor that donated enough money for us to finish our cistern. We are going to be starting work on our cistern very soon. The hardest part of hosting groups here is our lack of water. Without a cistern we are very hard pressed to provide water for our teams. Praise God for His provision.



9. I have almost finished the child sponsorship program for the school. Please be praying for me as I try to finish preparing and try to start this program. It would be such a wonderful opportunity to be able to provide the village with a better opportunity to have some education. This program will give the parents an opportunity to send their children to school, but will give them a sense of ownership and give them opportunities to get involved in their children’s life and education.



10. As I mentioned before my two friends Daniel and Hudson are here doing work and bringing some sanity and English conversation into my life. Its been such a blast hanging out with these two guys and even though we are working we are having loads of fun. Because they are here I’m going to take advantage of them for a second and have them help me write this post.



Thanks for having patience with me (or really my internet). I’m going to be doing the best I can and praying for God to work a miracle and make it move faster than frozen molasses.




Meet Daniel Frantz:
I first experienced Haiti, and Jacob’s Well January of 2010. As a part of the FC team that left the island about 40 hrs before the quake. Back then Jacobs well had one building, a bathroom/storage depot, but as Matt Raines would say, if you have good staff, a field and a ball you can have camp. That is what Jacobs Well used to be, today it is unrecognizable from just a little over a year ago. God has blessed this land, and the ministry of Jacob’s Well. And I thank Him for letting me see His hands at work here.

1. The spring break trip – Hudson and I were here with the last trip, Haiti 6, and both decided we would love to come back, and the Lord blesses us by granting that wish. As Noelle has said getting things done in this country can be difficult to say the least, and traveling is rarely an exception. We had to leave the states on Friday, meaning an overnight layover and almost 24 hrs total travel time from departure to arrival at JW. We spent a pretty good amount of time wondering if our bags would make it all the way to PAP or weather we would be picked up from the airport. But God is good and after a tiring day of travel we arrived in CAP and were warmly greeted by Noelle, Betty, Gersan, and Bos Varis (and a Toro!) Home sweet home.

2. This is my fourth time to come to JW since Jan 2010, I am always astounded by God’s glory as the camp continues to expand. Yet, as much growth as there has been, the plan for the future dwarfs its current state. I cannot wait to see how the Lord will bless JW and pray I will be allowed to be a part of the growth.

The following are some of the newest additions to Jacob’s Well.

3. The windmill, after some stressful moments regarding the mill, it seems to be an amazing tool and will hopefully save a ton of money on gas for the generator.

4. New plumbing, an ongoing process, we are in the process of running a new main line that will provide a more reliable water source for the time being. Improving the current “cistern” (two cubic meter water tanks), repairing leaking drains on the kitchen sinks, and hopefully repairing a drainage problem at the shower house.

5. New water heater (well old heater new installment) it is quite an expensive propane powered, heat-as-you-go heater, and has been sitting in the depot for at least a year now (the current heater is a standard 40 gallon electric heater). We haven’t purchased the propane yet but hope to have it running within the next few days. Switching to propane will also lighten the load on the generator and reduce the amount of electricity needed to run camp.

6. Cabins, we are helping finish the last of the two rooms cabins and put up two more one room style cabins (same style as Tancred’s new house that was finished today! Noelle is planning on posting pictures when the internet isn’t as big of a disappointment).

7. A few days after we arrived we were introduced to an amazing new trail to the “upstairs” that is much better than the old ankle breaking path.

8. Another beautiful addition is the Jacob’s Well mosaic. It used to be a gravel platform used as a meeting/eating area in the past (and under where the Haiti 6 interns, Jack, Greta and myself hung our hammocks).

9. One thing Hudson and I were able to do is bring some new tools to Jacob’s Well (thanks to “the Man” Richard Stephens for buying/providing them!) Some of the tools we brought include a stellar Dewalt Table saw which I have yet to use, but hope to work on a few projects with Bos Tchaly and get some use out of it. We also brought Tchaly a new tool belt, every carpenter of his skill needs a good tool belt, and some seeds for Guerline’s garden.

10. Finally, another item we brought with us were mouse/rat traps (they deserve their own number). When I was here with the other interns over Christmas break Greta and I saw a massive rat in the depot, and Noelle has seen a few herself recently so I figured we could put an end to these rodent shenanigans. So far the traps have been set for a little over 24 hrs and the body count thus far is 4. Three of the slain were rats and one mouse, but we’re hoping to kill off a lot more before we leave (and Noelle will then have to empty and re-load the traps, she doesn’t seem thrilled to do that)


... stay tuned for part 2.

2010, its been a pleasure... err... experience

I know that everyone is blogging, talking, writing about what this year has held for them, or how its surprised them or whatever. I am not one to be left in the dust!

I welcomed 2010 in THE coolest way possible! I was at a Haitian church service, there were many who got baptized, then people got up and spoke about how the Lord had been faithful to them that year, then we prayed and then I kissed almost everyone in the building! It was so cool! Read about it here.

I've never been one to really make New Year's resolutions, or even really try to guess what the New Year is going to hold for me. I usually just take it one step at a time and go with the flow. That is exactly the attitude I had about 2010. Little did I know how greatly the Lord would show His power!

Less than two weeks after the new year was the Earthquake. The year for me was completely changed after that. My life is changed.
God has been so faithful.

The details of that day saved my life. Its weird to say that I am a survivor of the 2010 Haiti Earthquake. Being a survivor is much more serious than it Destiny's Child makes it sound!

Those of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning know how faithful the Lord has been to me.

He protected me through the earthquake and gave me the skills and the peace of mind to be helpful in the clinic for the following days. He gave me the skills and confidence to be able to assist the Doctors with burns, stitches, amputations, surgeries and many other things. He gave me the beautiful opportunity to comfort those who were dying, to make them feel Jesus' love for them. He comforted me when I was scared and grieving, and reminded me that He is my Rock, which no earthquake can shake.

He remained faithful when I set foot on U.S. soil. Somehow, I don't know how, but I made it to here. December 30. This year has been full of ups and downs.

I have spent time with my family like never before
I have made friends that have encouraged me and changed the course of this year
I have come through and defeated a lot of my struggles with PTSD
I have GRADUATED FROM A&M! I almost gave up at least 10 times along the way, but I finished!
I have cried more this year then ever before. Some happy tears, some painful ones

I have laughed with friends
I have changed so much! If I had met who I am today a year ago I probably wouldn't recognize myself.
I have felt all kinds of emotions

I will never be the same. But I think that is definitely the sign of a beautiful year!

God has been SO wonderfully faithful.

So here's to another year of not making resolutions, or of trying to guess what the year will hold. Here's to taking things one step at a time and going with the flow.

...And step by step You'll lead me, and I will follow You all of my days!...

Monsters

Pop quiz: What is this blue stuff?

If you guessed that it is a close-up of Cookie Monster's hair you are.....

WRONG.

This is a picture of the teeny tiny microscopic monsters that cause Cholera.

These monsters are running wild in Haiti right now. Cholera is spread by the injection of contaminated water. According to Google health Cholera occurs mostly in places with poor sanitation, crowding, and famine. That describes Haiti's tent cities to a T.

The World Health Organization defines cholera as "an extremely virulent disease. It affects both children and adults and can kill within hours." These bacteria attach to the small intestine and produce a toxin causing massive amounts of diarrhea, vomiting, and water loss. The result is death by dehydration. Those most at risk are the young, the old, and the malnourished. However, there hasn't been an outbreak in Haiti in several decades. This means that there is basically no immunity to the germ in anyone. This outbreak has claimed the lives of almost 200 and infected almost 2,300 in a matter of about a day and a half. There is more to come. It is not difficult to treat if you have access to the right antibiotics and clean water, but those are both rare finds in Haiti.

With the rainy season in Haiti it becomes harder to obtain a clean source of water and thus aids the spread of the disease. This is not just localized in Port-Au-Prince, but has started in the countryside. However, it travels fast and shows no mercy.

Join with me in praying for these beautiful people. Once again I find it hard not to be there with them. It makes me realize all that I have. I never think twice about whether the water that I drink contains toxin-releasing monsters that are going to invade my intestines and cause me to poop so much that I die. I only notice when it tastes bad because its full of minerals. I don't go to bed hungry and wake up just hoping that I'll get one meal the next morning. But they do.

For more information on this read Dr. Jen's blog. (working in Haiti at Heartline ministries.) She has posted a lot of useful info on this subject.


I pray for the people of Haiti tonight. Give them peace. Work a miracle and kill these Cholera monsters. Hold your people tonight. Comfort them, show them your love.

Be with those who are caring for the sick. Give them strength and endurance to work long hours in less than ideal situation. This is not a glamorous disease to care for. Its sad and stinky. Give them an extra dose of grace and mercy. Pour your love into their hearts so they can love the your people. Protect them from illness.

Save the beautiful souls of Haiti. Let them cry out to you. Hear their cries. Save them from more death and misery. You are God. This is your plan. This is your time. I only see a small piece of the puzzle. You see the masterpiece. Make this tragic place beautiful again. Turn these broken hearts into a glorious mosaic for your glory. Make Haiti love you.

I trust you.

Amen.

Noelle in a Nutshell

So I've been writing emails to different organizations recently to see what opportunities there are for me in Haiti. The more I write these the more I learn about myself I think. I think I've currently contacted almost 20 organizations so far and one has expressed real interest, but the jury is still out on if its where God wants me. I'm still waiting on a response for one and the others were either, 'no not now,' or they simply never replied to me. Which is fine, I'm sure they are all great organizations, maybe I got the wrong email address. I'm trying to give up being frustrated with third world non-profits in the Caribbean because there is no concept of time :)

I was planning on writing an email a few weeks ago and tried to come up with how to explain myself well to someone that I know, but don't know well. This is a woman that has a wonderful blog. Read it here. I read her blog. I love her blog. She is real. honest. funny. beautiful. from college station. and now lives in Haiti. (I wish I was all those things.) So while I feel like I know her super well she does not know me well at all. She and her husband Aaron just moved to Haiti and have a vision for a ministry called Mosaic Village. Which, if you read about it is just what I've been praying for.


So here is my not-so-short description of myself:


I have known Jesus as my Savior since I was 4 years old. I have loved Him deeply since I was about 13. I have not always loved Him well. Currently I am more in love and astounded by His greatness than I ever have been, but looking forward to knowing and loving Him more. God has done so much healing in my deeply broken heart this summer.

I have worked at a summer camp that hosts children ages 8-12 for the past 7 years. I love kids. All shapes, sizes and races. I love laughing with children and I never cease to be amazed at what they teach me.

I have struggled deeply with health issues for many, many years. I think that is part of why I decided to be a health major. Some of my health problems are because I was not responsible with my body, and some are because I am genetically predisposed to having a wacky body. Currently I am focused on changing the way I eat, the way I move, and the way I view my health issues. If I'm being totally honest, this is a very difficult aspect of my life. I've given up too many times to count. Today I am optimistic, we'll see about tomorrow.

When I was 8 I read a book about Mother Theresa. Since then I have wanted to do medical missions in a third world country.

In December 2007 I went to Haiti on a mission trip. If I have ever felt at home in a place it was then. I didn't ever want to come home. Every time I leave Haiti I leave a bigger part of my heart there. This past trip my whole heart was ripped right out of me and then shredded up. Piece by tiny piece my Savior knit me back together again.

I hope and pray that I will be a Haitian resident from January-May2011. My goals for when I am there are not to change lives or save the country although both of those would be stellar! I am praying that I will form real relationships. I want to love. I have been, and continue to be, so healed and filled by Christs' love, and I want to pour that out on others. I want to be a blessing to just one person. If it takes 5 months to bless someones' life then, so be it. If all I do is scrub toilets or change diapers for 5 months-then fine! I want to be a blessing.

Dream come true- I would spend 5 months holding babies while playing with toddlers while chatting it up with 5 year-olds while hanging out with teens and other Haitian nannies. I would love to love children as Jesus did while He was on earth.

I have a family that would support me through anything. They care deeply and give me their opinions on absolutely everything, but in the end I know its because they love me and want me to be safe. I think they would support me in almost anything excluding changing my name to Earl and becoming a hillbilly in Tennessee.

I have fantastic friends. Each knowing me, challenging me, and encouraging me in slightly different ways. I love them all. Some live 10 steps away from me, some live 10 states away. Thank goodness for technology.

I love to laugh well. I didn't genuinely laugh for a good 3 months after the earthquake and it was really a big step when I was able to be joyful and silly again. What a gift it is to have a heart that can rejoice and sing!

I'm passionate about people. I want to love God's people.

Before

I loved Haiti before the earthquake
I have a strong passion for those people
I love them
I want to be with them
What is God going to do with that?
Am I going to be there forever?
I don't know.
Would I like to be?
I don't know. "Yes?" "Maybe?"

I know that its going to work out.

Cynthia

I met her the Thursday after the earthquake. I think she was around 6 years old.
Her leg was badly hurt in the earthquake.
Her entire family (Father, Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, and Grandma) about 12 total were in a tap-tap accident on the way to the clinic. The driver and one passenger were killed.
Trauma after trauma after trauma.
When the 12 of them arrived, most of them were in hysterics.
Not Cynthia. She was so strong. Her leg was wrapped up in what looked like old ripped up jeans. I started to unwrap it while the other nurses took care of the other family members. She winced and looked up at me with her big dark eyes. Instant friends.
Something about us connected.
In my limited Kreyol I told her I was here to help. I knew it hurt. I was sorry to hurt her, but I was helping.
Trust.
As she clung to the dolly we gave her with one hand and held my ankle with the other I unwrapped her leg. She would squeeze when it hurt too much and I would stop and try to be more careful, or talk to her and take my mind off of it. She would only let the others look at it if I were around or if I told her it was ok. She said she wanted 'her nurse.'

As I unwrapped her leg I found hangers, I assumed for splinting. Strange herbal looking plants I assumed were for padding, maybe pain or inflammation? ..... and Money. Immediately I knew where they had been before coming to our clinic. It wasn't a regular doctor.
I called the other nurses to come look at it and they confirmed.

We got Cynthia re-wrapped and splinted straight. She told me the most pain was not in her leg, but in her abdominal area. My heart sank. I had to look away from her eyes. Internal injuries. Less than 24 hours before I had held a woman as she died because we could not help her recover from her internal injuries. I wanted to sit and weep for my new friend Cynthia.

Later she had to leave.


I wish I could know what happened to her. I want to love children like her. We had a connection without real communication.

Why is that in my heart? Is it so that others may know and pray for Haiti? Am I a single girl now so I can pursue loving children in Haiti at this stage in my life?

Am I forcing this? Should I wait to be the EXACT person they are looking for? Or should I GO, and then love and show love for whomever I'm with?

I think all these thoughts are so difficult because I know its going to be heartbreaking. Its going to be one of the hardest things I've done in my life up to this point.

And I'm going to be alone.
But God will be with me.
I want it to work out.
I want it to be great.
I want to love children.

I want to love Christ.

Peacefully I know it will work out. I just wish I knew. But God's plans are better than my own.

I loved Haiti before. So did God.
This didn't catch him by surprise. Before the beginning of the world He knew the names of all those who died. He knew that it would happen at exactly 4:53pm on January 12th, 2010.
He knew the number of hairs on the heads of the survivors that would turn gray.
(So far my "new grays since January" count is up to 6.)
He knew every tear that would be cried. Not just by me, but by the millions of people who would cry for Haiti.

He loved them first. It was in His plan. Maybe to turn that nation that forsook him to trust in Him. His love is extravagant!

If It Ain't Broke...

...Don't fix it.

We've all heard the saying.

When I was younger the saying used to be "If it ain't broke, Noelle hasn't found it." (Coleman used to say "God is the maker of all things and Noelle is the breaker of all things." neat. Thanks Coleman.)

So, what if it is broke?

Well, I was.

When I started this blog the intent was to blog you through my life, but 6 months late. I've strayed from that. But today I'm going to do that.

6 Months ago I was broken. broken. broken. shattered. totaled. smashed. not functional. Get the picture?

My life was spinning out of control. I wasn't doing well in school. I wasn't sleeping well. My friendships were more stressful than encouraging. When I did hang out with friends I always came home crying. When I did sleep I'd have nightmares about the earthquake. When I did study I'd think about how pointless it was to be studying how babies suck their thumbs in developmental psych, or how Louis Pasteur made up a new kind of glass bottle with a swan neck in microbiology, or the tiny fossas and cracks in your bones and all the crazy names for them.

I didn't want to be in America. I didn't want to waste any more time. True, every weekend I was speaking at a different church or venue and raising money and awareness for Haiti. But I wanted to actually be there. I wasn't ready to be there. I would have just been a total emotion pile of mess.

Very few days went by that I didn't call my mom crying. I deleted my facebook. I turned off my phone. I literally wasn't sure that I was going to survive until Spring Break. I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen, but I didn't think I was going to make it.

Y'all. I'm not exaggerating. I was a total shipwreck. Not the pretty ones where the ship gently runs aground in beautiful blue-green water then sinks slowly, giving the sailors enough time to play and do rope swing flips into the water while waiting for a rescue ship.


I was this kind of shipwreck. Dark. Dirty. Messy. Scary. With no rescue boat.


I'm not exaggerating. I'm trying to accurately describe to you how broken I was. If I don't describe how utterly "without a paddle" I was, I can't tell you where I am now.

So I've set the stage. I was broken.

Even though I felt like there was no rescue ship. Even though I felt like I was without a paddle. Even thought I felt like I was on a roller coaster and forgot to pull that weird bar down over my head to hold me in.... I wasn't. I KNEW I wasn't, and that was the only thing that kept me hanging on. Even in my dark shipwreck I looked toward that weird scary, orange light and prayed for a rescue boat.

That rescue boat came. Not like a Coast Guard helicopter that lifted me right out of there. This was a little paddle boat that took a long time to arrive. I tread water for long time. And talked a LOT with my captain. And rescue came.

This summer God did some incredible healing in my heart. I know I'll never be "good as new", but I don't want to be!

I'm stronger with the mending.

When I was in Haiti. When the earth was shaking with aftershocks and I read aloud and quoted verses about God being my strong tower, my refuge, and my rock. That was comforting. When I was broken and I read about how Christ is the healer, that was encouraging. But I was still broken. When God showed up to that shipwreck and pulled me out and became my rock, my stronghold, my shelter, and my healer... that was life changing.

This summer was a slow healing process. I didn't wake up one morning and think..."WOW! I'm better!" But I did gradually wake up with more joy, with less nightmares, and with more peace.

This past Sunday was 8 months since the earthquake. It gets a little easier each month. This month, at church I cried. A lot! But they weren't sad tears. It was tears of joy and thankfulness.

I'm thankful that I was in Haiti when the earthquake struck. I'm thankful that God rescued me. I'm thankful for the healing He's done and will continue to do. I can't believe how in love with Jesus I am. When God proves Himself it really makes you love Him! Too bad it took me getting all smashed up to get to this point.

What's neat is that I realized that earthquake or no earthquake, I was a shipwreck. That helicopter rescue boat had already saved me once when I accepted Christ's gift of forgiveness all those years ago!

We sang "A mighty Fortress" at church. Its really basically the words I have been telling myself and praying for the past 8 months. I love these songs.

A mighty fortress is our God.
A sacred refuge is Your name.
Your Kingdom is unshakable.
With you forever we will reign.

Followed by:

Praise the Father
Praise the Son
Praise the Spirit, Three in one.
Clothed in Power and in grace.
The name above all other names.

My heart has been healed. Sometimes there is a need for a new heart of flesh to be placed within me. Sometimes that new heart of flesh requires my heart of stone to be broken... And I'm ok with that.

7 Months

I absolutely cannot believe its been seven months since the earthquake in Haiti. In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday, and in some ways I feel like it was forever ago.

I've been thinking about writing a blog about healing. I can't even begin to explain how much progress I have made in the past 7 months. Last week there were a few times that I thought, "wow, did I even think about the earthquake today?" Which, by thinking that I guess I did, but still. Its progress. Or is it?

I prayed (still do pray) both for and against the day that I don't think about the earthquake. Part of me wants to move on and be a normal functioning human being again. But a very large part of me doesn't ever want to forget any detail of what I saw, or heard, or felt, or smelled...(smelt?) I'm caught in between wanting to have a heart that is healed and feeling incredibly guilty about moving on. I always have to remind myself that its not like I'm forgetting, or brushing those people and experiences aside. I'm just dealing with them differently.

I'm in Destin, Florida right now with my family and had no idea of some of the triggers that were here. I was walking through the parking lot with my family for dinner yesterday and then started crying...
What? where did that come from?! Why am I crying?
Oh, the last time I was in Florida was right after the earthquake. I didn't know that thought would even cross my mind, or bother me.

I feel like I keep looking at the clock today at crucial moments. Like I looked at the clock and it was 4:50. Three minutes before the earthquake. 7 months ago at that time I was sleeping soundly having no idea what was about to happen. 6 months ago at that time I was sitting in Mugwalls coffee shop trying to study and looked at the clock, burst into tears and had to leave. Then for the next 3 hours I had flashbacks and re-lived all that happened during the earthquake and aftermath. Today, there were no tears. I said a prayer for my people and thanked my God for His faithfulness to bring me to this point.

7 months ago, January 12, 2010. My life was changed forever. At this time of the day I was laying in my bed. We weren't allowed to sleep outside that night because we were told our buildings were sound enough and were going to be fine. That didn't stop me from pulling my mattress off the top bunk and dragging it RIGHT up next to the door. The mattress was useless. I knew I wasn't getting any sleep. With every tremor, which felt like they were only 45 seconds apart and still VERY LARGE in magnitude I grew more fearful. Much more fearful than I had been during the actual quake. During the actual quake I was confused, half asleep, and thought it must not have been that bad because our buildings were fine. That night I was not so blissfully ignorant.

I KNEW how bad it was. I had just spent the last 7 hours as a severe acute trauma nurse. I had heard the incessant cries of "Anmwe! (Help!)" As I tried to get people cleaned they were saying, "Li fe mal! We! Li fe mal!" (it hurts! ouch! it hurts!) I would hear them cry out to "Jesi" to hear them and be with them. I repeated over and over again in Creole, "I know it hurts. I am here. I love you. Jesus knows. Jesus is here, Jesus loves you."

As I lay there that night I still felt like I had the smell of burnt skin and blood all around me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw their faces, heard their voices telling me how badly it hurt, but please hurry so they could see their wife, or children again before they died. Absolute heartbreak. At that point I was in total survival mode. I thought when I took a shower earlier that I would cry and try to process some of it, but I couldn't. I had to stay strong or I wasn't going to make it. I put on my scrubs to sleep in, just in case I needed to get up in the middle of the night. Then I grabbed my prayer journal.

You should see my handwriting from that night. It looks like I'm a 4 year old trying to write while riding a roller coaster. Its the "I'm terrified" handwriting.

I never want to lose this prayer journal. I am so thankful that I have it. It is my immediate raw response to my fear. God worked so many miracles that day in the midst of all that tragedy. That tragedy didn't catch Him off guard. Not at all. Looking back at what I wrote that night I am still floored by what I said. I literally could not stop thanking God. (What?!) I know, I'm still surprised. Every time I go back and read that it surprises me. That's not what I remember feeling. But God gave me peace and thankfulness. I ended with this

"Guard my life and rescue me. Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in You." Psalm 25:20-21

Life Lessons with Zac Efron

So last night I went to go see Charlie St. Cloud. Honestly, when I decided to go I didn't even know the name of the movie. I thought it was called, "The new Zac Efron movie." I knew a small part of the plot, but not much. I was fully prepared to cry throughout the movie, because I cry at some point in almost all movies. (Including Despicable Me and Toy story 3... bawled in them both.)

So anyway... went to go see Charlie St. Cloud. (If you have not seen it and want to, don't read this post until after you see it. I'm going to discuss plots and themes. Consider yourself warned.)



First off, it really was a good movie. A bit cheesy at some points, but it has to be. Its Zac Efron. Don't get me wrong. I love him. And Justin Bieber. And the Jonas Brothers. I'm not ashamed. I'm a 12 year old girl who missed her calling in life as a Disney voice actress. But its fine. No big deal.

Ok, here are the spoilers... so in this movie Zach (Charlie St. Cloud) is super close with his little brother. They end up getting in a car accident in which they both die. The paramedics resuscitate Charlie with an AED, but Sam, the little brother, does not make it. The rest of the movie is about how Charlie can't move on or let go. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to move on and pretend like his little brother didn't mean the world to him. He doesn't want to have fun and live life while his brother can't. He has always felt guilty about being the one that survived and got a second chance. But of course he has to move on. In order for him to heal properly he has to move on. Its not easy, but he can do it with help.
Of course at the end of the movie he gets the girl that helps him overcome his problems, but its not without a LOT of pain and a lot of struggles along the way.

This movie pushed all of my "Cry buttons."
1. He has friends in the military that don't make it home. (If you don't know why my heart is close to the military read my last post.)
2. Its about his little sibling (while I haven't blogged about my little sisters I DO love them dearly!)
3. deals with great loss
4. Car accidents- Just so sad.
5. feelings of guilt for surviving
6. sailing... I don't really know... there is something so emotional about the ocean.

So what's the point of all of this? Not that I totally "identified" with this movie, but it did make me think a lot. I got in the car to drive home, tossed my hair and tried to shake it off. Then I thought, "Why don't we just slow down and think about all of this for a second?".... Then "How Deep the Father's Love For Us" Came on my iPod.

Cue tears.... small tears and a whirlwind of thoughts.

I haven't talked a lot about this, but I have wrestled with the Lord so many times and asked over and over why did I survive the earthquake and not all those children and others? I would be fine if I died. I would go straight to Heaven and start shouting praises to my King! What is greater than that? I have wished so many times that I could have died instead of the children. Or instead of the ones that didn't know Christ. I have felt guilty that I survived. That I left. That I have the luxury of clean water and a roof over my head. That I still have a family. That I have an education. on and on and on ad nauseum.

The earthquake in Haiti was the 7th deadliest earthquake on record in the history of the world! The WORLD, people. I'm talking since "in the beginning." (according to Wikipedia).

And I was right in the middle of it. Came out with some bruises, back pain, grey hair, and bags under my eyes, but I am 100% fine. One of the questions that someone asks Zac in the movie is, "what are you going to do with your second chance at life?"

I started thinking about how I was given a second chance at life too and I shouldn't be guilty about it. Then I thought about a line in one of my absolute favorite songs, "No guilt in life, no fear in death! This is the power of Christ in me." Then something clicked...

...Cue more tears. Big tears. I'm talking pull-the-car-over-you-are-going-to-wreck tears.

I was already given a second chance at life! This was my third chance! Hallelujah!! Christ saved me from death once already, when HE died in MY PLACE!! He didn't feel guilty about coming back to life! He died and gave ME a second chance at life, as a gift! And I took the joy that I found from that and use it to walk through life! So the earthquake was not my second chance at life. It was my third!

Its really hard for me to express all of this in my writing, but I just had such a sweet revelation last night. I got to spend some time just weeping for joy because of the gift of true, real life I have received twice now.

I am so thankful for moments such as these when God uses everyday things like a Zac Efron movie, or lyrics to my favorite hymn, to bring me to worship Him. I love it when something like this happens to forever make that line of that song special. Love it.


Thank you, Sweet Savior for saving my life and teaching me about your love.

(...and thank you for Zac Efron.)

In the Blink of an Eye

What just happened?

I looked out the window of the airplane fighting back the tears. I was so confused. "Is this really happening!? I'm leaving?"

I quit trying to fight the tears... here they came. Fast and furious. I wiped my eyes so I could at least catch my last glimpse of Haiti and try to see some of what happened in downtown PAP as I flew over...leaving.

Just 9 hours ago, I told my dad on the phone that I had emailed my advisor at school and asked her to drop my classes for the semester because I was stuck in Haiti. I wasn't coming home for at least a month or maybe three. They weren't letting anyone that wasn't critically injured leave. Or at least that's what I thought.

Last night I went to bed asking God for the strength to be here for an indefinite amount of time. I was scared, but also really excited about my trip extension. God brought me here for this time and that was exciting. I still don't sleep well. The tremors wake me up. And each time one comes I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and throw up, all at the same time. But I knew God had me there for a reason. To accomplish His purpose...and... Now I'm leaving. Deserting.

I woke up at 5 am to a big tremor. Shortly after that I heard a voice through my window say, "Get up! We have a flight out for you all." Immediately I hope that the flight is just for the group from Kentucky, but then they handed me a paper to fill out also.
I asked, "Do I have to go?" Of course, the answer was yes, I had to leave. I didn't get a chance to think about it or say goodbye to Sheryl and Susan, the nurses I'd spent the past 3 days with in the clinic.

(This photo was taken Wednesday, about 24 hours post quake. This was the best we could do for smiles)

I got rushed to the car and we left. That was it. We had 10 minutes to pack 5 minutes to fill out paperwork, then got in the car and headed to the airport. What happened was Samaritan's Purse was sending a plane with doctors and equipment to Haiti and they didn't want to take an empty plane back to the U.S. They offered to take our volunteer group back on their return flight. So off we went to the airport.

The airport was total chaos. People everywhere trying desperately to get out of the country. Some were in wheelchairs and had make-shift splints on their legs. Most had dried blood on them and still fresh cuts. Yelling, SCREAMING, in Kreyol. That was the first time I ever felt somewhat unsafe because of my skin color.



After waiting outside a while we walked through the airport. We were trying to walk quickly to our plane, but also were shocked at the sight of the airport. No one got exit stamps on our passports. The only security I went through was showing them the cover of my American passport. They didn't even check the picture. I exited the airport through what used to be a wall, now just a hole. Got on the plane and tried to see what I could from the runway. I have never seen so many planes on this runway. Planes from Jamaica, Switzerland, France, U.S, Virgin Islands, Canada, Italy... It was crazy.

I walked onto the most luxourious plane I've ever seen. Recliner seats, couches, TVs with tracking devices to show us where we were en route.



I always go through a form of reverse culture shock when I re-enter the U.S. But this time was different. I was leaving at a time of unspeakable need. On a luxury plane! Thankfully there were about 10 different newspapers in the plane from the past few days, so all we did the whole trip was read the paper and then trade with someone else. Before I knew it, we were landing. None of our families knew that we were coming home because communication was too difficult and our flight out wasn't a guarantee.

So first thing I did after landing was call my dad.
*ringing, ringing*

"Hey honey I'm in a meeting I'll call you back in a second."

I thought: *WHAT?!?! A MEETING? Wow, I thought you'd be a little happier to hear from me.*
I said: "oh... ok. well... I just wanted to tell you I'm in Florida."

Then he realized it was me. His voice caught for a second and then, gasped. (He thought it was my mom calling.) But, of course, once he found out it was me, we talked. Even though I was still wishing I was in Haiti, I know my parents were glad I was safely on American soil.

The meeting that my dad was in was with Andre Clemons, Joey Arceneaux, and a few of his other colleagues in the oilfield buisness. They were renting a plane to fly down doctors and medical supplies to Global Outreach to assist in the relief efforts. And they did. That plane flew out almost one week later, delivering much needed help to those people. These men mean so much to me, and some of them I haven't even met. They just knew that I was there, which made it more personal to them. Some of them have only met my dad once, but God used those relationships to further His kingdom and save His people.

After a quick phone conversation with my parents and a text to some friends that I knew would spread the word that I was home safe, I got my luggage and headed to the main airport. We then had to figure out how to get to the Miami International Airport (MIA) so that we could get home. The cheapest form of transportation for 10 people was a stretch limo. REALLY? a limo! So, you're saying that I just left the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, in its time of greatest desperation, on a luxury plane and then was transported from one airport to another in a limo? wow.

We got to the Miami Airport and the group from Kentucky said their goodbyes to go catch their plane. I went to try and get my ticket changed because I was originally supposed to fly the next day. I was still wearing my scrubs because after the earthquake I started wearing them to sleep in, in case I had to wake up fast. I didn't get a chance to change before we flew out. Also, I thought it might help my case some... I was wrong. The lady at the ticket counter told me that my ticket was "invalid" because I "went out of sequence by skipping my PAP to MIA flight."

I did my best to stay calm and dry-eyed, while explaining to her that I had just come from Port Au Prince. Maybe she'd seen it in the news recently? All the flights were canceled because of the huge natural disaster, but maybe she missed that memo.

I finally told her, I didn't care what she had to do, or if I had to pay for the flight, I needed to get home that night. I turned around to see a group of about 5 Haitians standing around me at the counter, waiting for me to finish my conversation with the ticketing agent. They were eager and hopeful to hear good news. Asking me if I knew so-and-so, or had heard from their sister or brother. Thinking maybe of the 2 million people in Port Au Prince, that I had met them post quake. Both hope and despair filling their eyes as they asked their questions. I could see that they all wished they were me, and had been there for the quake, so at least they would be able to try and find their families. But they were stuck with no flights out. I felt them thinking *Why did she leave? How could she do that?* and I agreed, I wish I had been able to stay.

But God had other plans.

My Strong Tower

(Jan 13, 2010)
I barely slept last night. I've never been so scared in my life. I pulled my mattress onto the ground, but was not allowed to sleep outside, where I would have much rather been. It felt like we had an aftershock almost every minute or at least a tremor. I'm not sure what the difference is between the two. I prayed, read the psalms and journaled all night.

When I was little my parents had a rule for my brother, Coleman, and I on Christmas Eve. We were not allowed to get out of bed before daylight on Christmas morning. I'm sure they made this rule so that Coleman, who loves Christmas, would not wake them up at 4:30 ready to open presents. However, I never had a problem with that because I love sleep so much. We always shared a room on Christmas Eve too. So there was one Christmas that Coleman cried, (CRIED!!) because the he thought the sun would never come up and he wanted to get out of bed and open presents. (He was little so there is no need to make fun of him now...)

...This story has a point...

That is how I felt last night. I prayed and prayed that the sun would come up soon, so I could get out of bed and out of this building that felt like it would collapse at any second. I felt like I was in prison in my bed, I was terrified and antsy. With every tremor I felt like my heart dropped into my stomach and I couldn't breathe. I was definitely more scared last night than during the initial 30-45 seconds of shaking. Now I had seen what the earthquake was capable of in the clinic.

So FINALLY at 5am the sun came up and I bounced out of bed and headed to the clinic to find Sheryl Brumley and Susan Bruns, the nurses I was working with. There was no one at the clinic, so we waited until later to open. I found out that the men from the compound were out trying to save a girl that was buried up to her shoulders. It was the daughter of the housekeeper of one of the families on the Global Outreach Compound. (I later found out that she didn't make it.)

This day was really difficult. I spent all day in the clinic and then wrote an email to my dad. I could barely see the computer screen through my tears as I typed at the keyboard. I just needed to tell my dad what was going on. I quickly got really close with the nurses I was working with, but everyone else had family and friends at the compound and I had just met everyone less than 48 hours before the earthquake. I needed my daddy to tell me it was all going to be alright. He wasn't actually there, but my Heavenly Father was and He didn't let me down. Not even for a second.

I will never know how many people saw this email or heard it read out loud in school. My parents sent it to everyone they know and so on and so forth. I got home and found my name on people's facebooks and blogs and I have no idea who they are or how they found out about me. God really used the pain and suffering that I saw that day to make His name great.


On Jan 13, 2010, at 7:52 PM, "Gonzalez, Noelle" noellegonzalez@neo.tamu.edu> wrote:


This has been the hardest day of my life. I don't know how I've made it. God is gracious and faithful and gave me the strength I needed to get through it.
I've been at the clinic for 13 hours today and just left. God gave me the strength I needed to make it through, but as soon as I left I started crying and I am still weeping as I write. I don't even know where to begin, but please just pray for rest tonight and strength tomorrow. I barely got any sleep last night because of the tremors. Everything that I felt or heard scared me and I thought we were going to have another one. There have been some significant tremors today as well, but its less scary if you are up and able to run outside quickly. I just feel trapped in my bed and I would prefer to sleep outside, but I don't know that would help my worries that much. Whenever I'm not in the clinic or working on something I am scared and emotional.
I know that all of us here on the compound are suffering to some extent from Post traumatic stress. We were flooded with patients yesterday as soon as the shaking stopped. I have never seen such pain and suffering. I pray that I will never have to see that much trauma ever again.
I'm thankful that we are safe and that we are not in PAP because we would be completely overrun and I don't know that I have the strength to deal with that.
I KNOW the Lord was my strength and shield today and yesterday and will be tomorrow. I know that at least one man that we treated yesterday died in the night and a lady that we have been caring for since 11am this morning died about 2 hours ago. We all gathered around and prayed over her and her boyfriend as she died, and I can't even begin to express the pain felt in that room. The only thing that gives me strength and hope is that I know where my strength and hope lies.
Its easy to think that the worst is over, but there is so much need and devastation that I don't know how we could ever begin to help them all. All of them need hospitals, but the few hospitals that survived the quake are overrun by people. On top of that those that could get to a hospital don't have money to pay for care. we don't know what to do with the woman that died in the clinic tonight because her boyfriend doesn't have the money to pay to have her moved or buried. I assisted in 3 major surgeries today and I know there will be more to come.
I don't know if you've been watching CNN, but they keep showing a picture of a boy covered in cement ash. That is what most of our patients look like. They have cement embedded in their wounds and a nearby flour mill exploded, so many of our patients are covered in burns, cement dust, and flour.
Please pray for strength. I've heard that we are supposed to get 2,000lbs of medical supplies tomorrow on an airplane and we are praying that there will be orthopedists and anesthesiologists on that plane as well, because even with supplies that doesn't make us surgeons. We've splinted countless legs and arms and sewed up as many wounds as you can count. We don't have the anesthesia necessary to help these people adequately, so they are going through an incredible amount of pain. I know the Lord is with these people because there is no way that they could have survived short of a miracle. Many people have not heard about their families. The 4 Haitian doctors that have been a complete miracle and blessing from the Lord have not been able to hear from their families and they are all very worried. They might go tomorrow to see if they can locate their families, so please be praying for them and for us if they are missing from the clinic tomorrow.

I don't know what else to say other than Pray pray pray. Pray for:
-strength for us as we open our clinic doors again tomorrow. (sometimes that's the hardest part. We are ok when we are working, but the anticipation of knowing what's coming can be the worst.)
-rest for me and the rest of the team and the entire country. Every time I lay down I get scared and can feel the aftershocks. And when I do sleep I have earthquake dreams. We just had a pretty significant aftershock 10 minutes ago (8:30 our time here in Haiti), but I feel tremors almost every minute or so.
-Pray for peace and safety for those left in the cold tonight with no where to stay (its a very cold night considering that we are in Haiti.)
-Pray for those still buried that are alive and for the families of those that have not heard from their loved ones and those that have loved ones that have died.

I love you all. This has been a horrific 30 hours, but I know that the Lord is my rock and redeemer. He is my strength and my shield, and he is my strong tower that no earthquake can shake.


I will try and update tomorrow. Please send to all. feel free to update my facebook
Love you and I wish you were here to hug me!

P.S. If anyone has information about Gersan and Betty and their church and Pascal and Dorthy I would love to know that they are all alright. I am praying for them, but if I could get specifics that would be great too. I heard that Gersan and Betty are ok, but not about my other friends and their church. Also if anyone has talked with those in Limbe I'd love to hear that too. I know that was probably far enough away that they are ok, but I'd still like to know.

The 2,000 pounds of medical supplies didn't come when I was there. Neither did the doctors. But thanks be to God, He supplied what we needed when we needed it. Whether it was bandages, gloves, small hands to fit in the only (tiny) gloves we had left, grace, peace, love, wisdom, or strength.

And Then God Spoke

Psalm 29:8- "The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning. The voice of the Lord shakes the desert;"




(January 12, 2010)

A 7.0 Mag earthquake hit Legone, Haiti at 4:53pm Haitian time.

5 minutes later, I was in the clinic. That's when I realized how bad it really was. I was able to call my parents and leave a message via skype phone, but all that got through of my message was "Hi.... Earthquake.....I'm OK.... Love you."

I sent this email that night to my parents...


I am OK!!

Praise the Lord. All those on our team here are doing well. Please pray for those in PAP and out here where I am. We have been working nonstop since it happened and we can't even begin to help with this magnitude of need. Please pray for all those injured and keep us all in your prayers. I've never been through an earthquake, but I think that was a pretty monstrous one. We keep feeling tremors so please keep that in your prayers also.

I am here for a reason. Praise the Lord. "And who knows but that you have come to this position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

Please forward this message to all.
I Love you all dearly
Noelle

...and the emails started flying. I don't think I'll ever truly know how many people were praying for me during that time and for the past 6 months. My parents and friends from camp sent emails to everyone they knew and posted updates on facebook, those people sent updates to everyone they knew, and so on. I know for a fact that people in multiple continents were praying for me and for the Haitian people.

Last night I was truly scared again. I felt like I was back in Haiti, in my little bunk bed, falling asleep the night before the earthquake, but this time, I knew what was coming. I knew how scary it was going to be. I knew people were going to bleed and die in my arms, I knew that I'd have Post Traumatic Stress for the next 6 months, I knew I'd call my mom at least once a week crying so hard I could barely talk, I knew I wouldn't sleep well for another couple months, I knew how stressful it would be and that I'd end up with gray hair, I knew my life would be changed forever...

Its hard to think that its been 6 months since the earthquake and that the majority of people in the world won't even give it a fleeting thought. Sometimes I feel so selfish for asking for so much prayer this past semester. I mean, I didn't lose my house, my leg, or any family members. There are hundreds of thousands of people that DID. Some lost all 3!

My thoughts are kind of jumbled right now, but one thing my mom reminded me of last night is something I told her 6 months ago in an email...

"I know that the Lord is my rock and redeemer. He is my strength and my shield, and he is my strong tower that no earthquake can shake."

That night, 6 Months ago, I read Psalm 23-34. I felt like a terrified little sheep in need of a shepherd, so I started in Psalm 23. Then I kept reading. I encourage you to read through that passage again. It was really encouraging!

I'll write much, much more about what really happened and circumstances of the earthquake later. I'll also write a lot about how God has used that to glorify Himself. Just not today. Stay tuned.

Please keep Haiti and its people in your prayers!