My Strong Tower

(Jan 13, 2010)
I barely slept last night. I've never been so scared in my life. I pulled my mattress onto the ground, but was not allowed to sleep outside, where I would have much rather been. It felt like we had an aftershock almost every minute or at least a tremor. I'm not sure what the difference is between the two. I prayed, read the psalms and journaled all night.

When I was little my parents had a rule for my brother, Coleman, and I on Christmas Eve. We were not allowed to get out of bed before daylight on Christmas morning. I'm sure they made this rule so that Coleman, who loves Christmas, would not wake them up at 4:30 ready to open presents. However, I never had a problem with that because I love sleep so much. We always shared a room on Christmas Eve too. So there was one Christmas that Coleman cried, (CRIED!!) because the he thought the sun would never come up and he wanted to get out of bed and open presents. (He was little so there is no need to make fun of him now...)

...This story has a point...

That is how I felt last night. I prayed and prayed that the sun would come up soon, so I could get out of bed and out of this building that felt like it would collapse at any second. I felt like I was in prison in my bed, I was terrified and antsy. With every tremor I felt like my heart dropped into my stomach and I couldn't breathe. I was definitely more scared last night than during the initial 30-45 seconds of shaking. Now I had seen what the earthquake was capable of in the clinic.

So FINALLY at 5am the sun came up and I bounced out of bed and headed to the clinic to find Sheryl Brumley and Susan Bruns, the nurses I was working with. There was no one at the clinic, so we waited until later to open. I found out that the men from the compound were out trying to save a girl that was buried up to her shoulders. It was the daughter of the housekeeper of one of the families on the Global Outreach Compound. (I later found out that she didn't make it.)

This day was really difficult. I spent all day in the clinic and then wrote an email to my dad. I could barely see the computer screen through my tears as I typed at the keyboard. I just needed to tell my dad what was going on. I quickly got really close with the nurses I was working with, but everyone else had family and friends at the compound and I had just met everyone less than 48 hours before the earthquake. I needed my daddy to tell me it was all going to be alright. He wasn't actually there, but my Heavenly Father was and He didn't let me down. Not even for a second.

I will never know how many people saw this email or heard it read out loud in school. My parents sent it to everyone they know and so on and so forth. I got home and found my name on people's facebooks and blogs and I have no idea who they are or how they found out about me. God really used the pain and suffering that I saw that day to make His name great.


On Jan 13, 2010, at 7:52 PM, "Gonzalez, Noelle" noellegonzalez@neo.tamu.edu> wrote:


This has been the hardest day of my life. I don't know how I've made it. God is gracious and faithful and gave me the strength I needed to get through it.
I've been at the clinic for 13 hours today and just left. God gave me the strength I needed to make it through, but as soon as I left I started crying and I am still weeping as I write. I don't even know where to begin, but please just pray for rest tonight and strength tomorrow. I barely got any sleep last night because of the tremors. Everything that I felt or heard scared me and I thought we were going to have another one. There have been some significant tremors today as well, but its less scary if you are up and able to run outside quickly. I just feel trapped in my bed and I would prefer to sleep outside, but I don't know that would help my worries that much. Whenever I'm not in the clinic or working on something I am scared and emotional.
I know that all of us here on the compound are suffering to some extent from Post traumatic stress. We were flooded with patients yesterday as soon as the shaking stopped. I have never seen such pain and suffering. I pray that I will never have to see that much trauma ever again.
I'm thankful that we are safe and that we are not in PAP because we would be completely overrun and I don't know that I have the strength to deal with that.
I KNOW the Lord was my strength and shield today and yesterday and will be tomorrow. I know that at least one man that we treated yesterday died in the night and a lady that we have been caring for since 11am this morning died about 2 hours ago. We all gathered around and prayed over her and her boyfriend as she died, and I can't even begin to express the pain felt in that room. The only thing that gives me strength and hope is that I know where my strength and hope lies.
Its easy to think that the worst is over, but there is so much need and devastation that I don't know how we could ever begin to help them all. All of them need hospitals, but the few hospitals that survived the quake are overrun by people. On top of that those that could get to a hospital don't have money to pay for care. we don't know what to do with the woman that died in the clinic tonight because her boyfriend doesn't have the money to pay to have her moved or buried. I assisted in 3 major surgeries today and I know there will be more to come.
I don't know if you've been watching CNN, but they keep showing a picture of a boy covered in cement ash. That is what most of our patients look like. They have cement embedded in their wounds and a nearby flour mill exploded, so many of our patients are covered in burns, cement dust, and flour.
Please pray for strength. I've heard that we are supposed to get 2,000lbs of medical supplies tomorrow on an airplane and we are praying that there will be orthopedists and anesthesiologists on that plane as well, because even with supplies that doesn't make us surgeons. We've splinted countless legs and arms and sewed up as many wounds as you can count. We don't have the anesthesia necessary to help these people adequately, so they are going through an incredible amount of pain. I know the Lord is with these people because there is no way that they could have survived short of a miracle. Many people have not heard about their families. The 4 Haitian doctors that have been a complete miracle and blessing from the Lord have not been able to hear from their families and they are all very worried. They might go tomorrow to see if they can locate their families, so please be praying for them and for us if they are missing from the clinic tomorrow.

I don't know what else to say other than Pray pray pray. Pray for:
-strength for us as we open our clinic doors again tomorrow. (sometimes that's the hardest part. We are ok when we are working, but the anticipation of knowing what's coming can be the worst.)
-rest for me and the rest of the team and the entire country. Every time I lay down I get scared and can feel the aftershocks. And when I do sleep I have earthquake dreams. We just had a pretty significant aftershock 10 minutes ago (8:30 our time here in Haiti), but I feel tremors almost every minute or so.
-Pray for peace and safety for those left in the cold tonight with no where to stay (its a very cold night considering that we are in Haiti.)
-Pray for those still buried that are alive and for the families of those that have not heard from their loved ones and those that have loved ones that have died.

I love you all. This has been a horrific 30 hours, but I know that the Lord is my rock and redeemer. He is my strength and my shield, and he is my strong tower that no earthquake can shake.


I will try and update tomorrow. Please send to all. feel free to update my facebook
Love you and I wish you were here to hug me!

P.S. If anyone has information about Gersan and Betty and their church and Pascal and Dorthy I would love to know that they are all alright. I am praying for them, but if I could get specifics that would be great too. I heard that Gersan and Betty are ok, but not about my other friends and their church. Also if anyone has talked with those in Limbe I'd love to hear that too. I know that was probably far enough away that they are ok, but I'd still like to know.

The 2,000 pounds of medical supplies didn't come when I was there. Neither did the doctors. But thanks be to God, He supplied what we needed when we needed it. Whether it was bandages, gloves, small hands to fit in the only (tiny) gloves we had left, grace, peace, love, wisdom, or strength.