Before

I loved Haiti before the earthquake
I have a strong passion for those people
I love them
I want to be with them
What is God going to do with that?
Am I going to be there forever?
I don't know.
Would I like to be?
I don't know. "Yes?" "Maybe?"

I know that its going to work out.

Cynthia

I met her the Thursday after the earthquake. I think she was around 6 years old.
Her leg was badly hurt in the earthquake.
Her entire family (Father, Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, and Grandma) about 12 total were in a tap-tap accident on the way to the clinic. The driver and one passenger were killed.
Trauma after trauma after trauma.
When the 12 of them arrived, most of them were in hysterics.
Not Cynthia. She was so strong. Her leg was wrapped up in what looked like old ripped up jeans. I started to unwrap it while the other nurses took care of the other family members. She winced and looked up at me with her big dark eyes. Instant friends.
Something about us connected.
In my limited Kreyol I told her I was here to help. I knew it hurt. I was sorry to hurt her, but I was helping.
Trust.
As she clung to the dolly we gave her with one hand and held my ankle with the other I unwrapped her leg. She would squeeze when it hurt too much and I would stop and try to be more careful, or talk to her and take my mind off of it. She would only let the others look at it if I were around or if I told her it was ok. She said she wanted 'her nurse.'

As I unwrapped her leg I found hangers, I assumed for splinting. Strange herbal looking plants I assumed were for padding, maybe pain or inflammation? ..... and Money. Immediately I knew where they had been before coming to our clinic. It wasn't a regular doctor.
I called the other nurses to come look at it and they confirmed.

We got Cynthia re-wrapped and splinted straight. She told me the most pain was not in her leg, but in her abdominal area. My heart sank. I had to look away from her eyes. Internal injuries. Less than 24 hours before I had held a woman as she died because we could not help her recover from her internal injuries. I wanted to sit and weep for my new friend Cynthia.

Later she had to leave.


I wish I could know what happened to her. I want to love children like her. We had a connection without real communication.

Why is that in my heart? Is it so that others may know and pray for Haiti? Am I a single girl now so I can pursue loving children in Haiti at this stage in my life?

Am I forcing this? Should I wait to be the EXACT person they are looking for? Or should I GO, and then love and show love for whomever I'm with?

I think all these thoughts are so difficult because I know its going to be heartbreaking. Its going to be one of the hardest things I've done in my life up to this point.

And I'm going to be alone.
But God will be with me.
I want it to work out.
I want it to be great.
I want to love children.

I want to love Christ.

Peacefully I know it will work out. I just wish I knew. But God's plans are better than my own.

I loved Haiti before. So did God.
This didn't catch him by surprise. Before the beginning of the world He knew the names of all those who died. He knew that it would happen at exactly 4:53pm on January 12th, 2010.
He knew the number of hairs on the heads of the survivors that would turn gray.
(So far my "new grays since January" count is up to 6.)
He knew every tear that would be cried. Not just by me, but by the millions of people who would cry for Haiti.

He loved them first. It was in His plan. Maybe to turn that nation that forsook him to trust in Him. His love is extravagant!