Today I'm thankful for

There is always that moment when you sit down to write something and you stare at the page for 20 minutes before realizing that you've not only just wasted 20 minutes of your life, but have made no progress on the task at hand.
I've been in that situation so many, many times in the last few months. Today it would have happened, but I decided that instead of wasting time writing a personal statement I would write it in the blog. There was a time where I could sit down and write the fool out of this blog. I had thoughts. They were collected. They felt less like crazy and more like normal. I used to write blogs in my head, even the funny parts, which would make me laugh to myself at my own silly humor. And then I would sit and write them out for real.

I still write blogs in my head. I still make myself laugh for no reason. But I haven't written them out for real. I've currently got about 4 drafts of different blogs that haven't made the cut to get published. Writing helps me process, but hitting that "publish" button gives me closure. My heart rate races a little before pushing that little orange button, then I have about 2 seconds of "OH NO!! Did I just do that? Then I realize its done, its out there, and I can relax." So today. I'm going to publish. I may not even proofread because when I do I take out things, or get too chicken to publish. So here's to publishing... (I wish I actually had a glass of wine to toast with... that helps with the pre-publishing jitters.)


Life recently has been interesting. Life recently has been fast paced. Life recently has been wonderful. I've been dying to write about life recently, but I always chicken out. I feel like I owe it to my readers, if I still have any, to play catch up, but I'm not really going to. I think that's why I haven't written.

Life recently has taught me so much. About life, love, friendship, blessings, joys, hope, and trust.

I've been striving to live today. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, not next year, but today. Focus on today, enjoy today! Its too overwhelming to focus on tomorrow, I have no idea what I'm going to be doing... hopefully attacking the mountain of laundry threatening to take over my bedroom. Its too emotional to think about next week, and how next week I'll be back in Haiti. I'm so happy, I miss them so much. Emotional, good emotional, but still emotional. Its too overwhelming to think about next month, and how I still won't have heard back from nursing schools. But maybe by then I'll have gotten a job!? Its too far away to think about next year and how I have no clue what life will be like, but I do know this.... Today is here.

Today, my parents have packed up the important worldly possessions that we have. They are waiting on pins and needles, watching the smoke from the Magnolia wildfire rise, watching the ash fall, and waiting for a phone call telling them to evacuate.

Today, I'm thankful for my the friends that God has put in my life. How blessed I've been the last 2 weeks by the people who care about me and love me.

Today, I'm thankful for this past month. I know that doesn't fall into the category of "today", but still. I'm the boss of this blog, so I can write what I want! I've had a wonderful month. I've laughed so much. Laughter is so healthy! I'm thankful for the time that I have had with my boyfriend, Daniel. We started dating when I was in Haiti and our communication abilities were very limited. Then when I got home we were at camp, he was the program director and I was there working as well. At camp we had to put our relationship on hold and essentially pretend that we weren't dating. This is hard to explain to those outside the camp world, but camp is about the campers and if our focus is on another individual then we've failed at serving them effectively. So I only really got to spend time with Daniel on the weekends, and we were both so tired and the weekends were so short that it was never enough. August has been my favorite month so far. We've gotten to talk, actually be together, and not pretend we don't know each other, we've laughed, road tripped between Tomball and Dallas, and even, at times reverted back to skyping. However, skyping when I'm in America is different than when I was in Haiti. Here it works like normal. In Haiti it worked like a bad version of AOL instant messenger. I am fully convinced that a little man had to swim my typed messages from the coast of Haiti to the Gulf of Mexico and then run to Dallas and deliver it to Dan. Anyway, bottom line, I'm thankful for Daniel today, and thankful for all the times that Daniel has made me laugh till I cried this month. What a blessing!

Today, I'm also thankful that I'm blogging. I love writing. Its like running. (I don't love running, don't get me wrong... that's not what I mean.) Its like running in that I love it when I'm doing it. I've only loved running once in my life. I was on a running kick. It was a love hate relationship. I hated it while I was doing it, but then felt good about myself afterwards, then I had an accident involving a wet curb, and my knee. And I quit running after that. Point being, blogging is like running in that when you are in the practice of it its so good, you get the endorphin high, its not hard to do, but when you fall and quit running, or just quit blogging its hard to get back into it. I sit and stare at the computer until I give up and browse pinterest, just like I put on my running shoes, and then make excuses to not go running. So today, I'm thankful for blogging. Hopefully I'll get back into it. Hopefully I can give my blog a facelift. Hopefully... we'll see... I'll take it one day at a time.

Today, I'm thankful for the "publish'  button and how I can push it without proofreading, because I know if I proofread, I'll chicken out and not post this....

so here goes.... (still wish I had that glass of wine.)