Quieter Times

{This was written about a month ago, but not posted... oops! I've gone back and done some editing/changing. but most of this is still where I am today}

I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to blog more when I'm in Haiti. I don't know if its because I think more there, or because I have no one I can pour out my heart and thoughts to (so I just do it online for the whole world to see.) I'm not sure why, but it seems like every time I come home it gets more difficult for me to keep up the blog properly. Not just online, but in my head too. Since I've started writing its really helped me process through stuff, no matter what the situation, once I write about it I feel like its more of a processed, learned lesson than just raw thoughts and emotions. Bottom line, when I don't blog I sometimes (ok, most of the time) feel like a crazy person.

Since I've been home, honestly, even since I came home in April for those three weeks, I feel like life is moving fast and not giving me a whole lot of opportunity to think or catch up about things. I haven't been emotional at all about leaving Haiti, and I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Yesterday was the first day I really even gave it any thought, and when I did the tears came... I'm honestly not sure where the tears came from or why, but they did.

I'm now at Frontier Camp working as the "camp nurse" of sorts. (not there anymore, now I'm in College Station again.) yesterday was hard. I had time to think for the first time in a while. I talk often of how living in two places can tear at your heart. It does. I miss them. There are actually quite a few people here at camp that have been to Haiti and can understand how I'm feeling to some extent, but due to the busy nature of their jobs it is virtually impossible to have anything longer than a 2 minute conversation. So I've been talking to Jesus. I guess all things considered He's the best one to talk to anyway, right?

Its so humbling to me when I realize that I sometimes treat talking to Jesus as a lesser blessing than others. I mean, He can't give me hugs, He can't look me in the eye and tell me that its going to be ok, but He is the best listener with the best advice.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy, my burden is light."
He will not give me anything that I can't handle in His strength. His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and I am so weak sometimes. I let circumstances steal my joy, I let my selfishness get in the way of encouragement and loving others, I let the hard parts of the day rule, and the victories take back seat. His strength is made perfect in that. He is the one that can give me joy reguardless of how selfish I am. He is the one that can make me not focus on my problems, but on loving and encouraging others. He is the one. The only one that matters.


***

Ok, so that was written about 2 months ago. Wow. I can't believe I've been home for that long! Its almost been 3 months! 3 months in Haiti felt like a lot longer than the last few months have felt here. Life here moves so fast. I'm not sure if I like it or not. I finished my 5 weeks at camp and I'm not in College Station re-taking Anatomy. Thankfully the class is going really well. It feels like its going at the speed of light. A 4 hour credit in 4 weeks. 4 hours of lecture a day, starting at 7:30 am. Its been tough, but definitely bearable. I'm still in the application process for nursing school. I'm reapplying for the program here at Texas A&M and for a program in Victoria, as well as a program in San Antonio. I'm hoping for College Station.... but really I'm hoping for anything... I'll keep you updated.

I promise I'm working on my blogging. I have diagnosed my blog-avoidance disorder, and I'm working at getting to the root of the issue. I think the best therapy is going to be blog therapy, so hopefully I'll be faithful in that. I don't make any promises. We'll see how it plays out.

Bye for now.