11.08.2010

I must be dreaming?!



*Disclaimer* The beginning of this post may sound negative or like I'm complaining... stick with me. I'm not.... Please give it a chance before you start to scroll or scan like I know we all do when we read semi-interesting blogs. Thank you.


I will walk the stage to graduate in 38 days and receive that scroll of paper that says that I've done something worthwhile for the last 3.5 years of my life. I will forever be able to describe myself as having a "B.S Health Education" degree.... Which is kind of what it is.
They (whoever the infamous "they" refers to) told me I could go places. At my New Student Conference they said this would be the best degree I could choose. It would open a world of doors for me and I could do anything I wanted to do!
Well, sign me up!

Here I am graduating. I can't get a job with this degree. They totally lied. I have to go BACK to school to get a Nursing degree if that's what I want to do.

Don't get me wrong. I'm totally excited about going back to school. I've known all along I was going to go back to school, so I'm not shocked or anything. I am just in a strange place in life right now.

Strangely awesome that is.

As I walked into class today I had a weird feeling in my stomach. I'm almost finished here. I had to shake my head to see if I was dreaming.

I thought about my freshman year. I always looked at the seniors and thought they knew everything. They had their lives together. They were pros at this because they'd been through it already.

I laughed thinking how I was half right and all wrong. Here I am, a Senior. Graduating in a teeny bit over a month... far from knowing anything.

In 38 days I will officially have a bachelor's degree. I've learned so much during my time at Texas A&M. I wouldn't take it back for the world. I have learned about science, and health. I have written countless lab reports and taken what feels like a million tests, but what I have learned the most about is love.

How to love God.
How to love people.

Those lessons are more valuable than anything I ever learned about healthy eating or a benzene ring.

When I walk that stage and receive my diploma, switch my tassel on my cap to the other side, and flip around my Aggie Ring those lessons will not be over.
(Good thing too because I can still use a lot of work in both those areas.)

What's next?

I.
Have.
No.
Clue.

I'm applying for nursing school. But there is always the possibility of not getting in. Either way I have January-June that are totally blank in my planner. 6 Months. 26 weeks. 178 days. Half a year.

I have finally stopped panicking about it.
The closer it gets the more relaxed I am. WHAT?!?!?

I went through a few weeks where I was crying and panicked and frustrated and scared about the possibilities and the uncertainties. Finally I reached a point where I came to the absolute end of myself. After months of begging God to work something out or make something happen or find me a way to get back to Haiti or let me know what I'm supposed to do next semester I finally got it.

I realized my mistake.

I trust God with my eternity. With my life and death forever. With my eternal SOUL!!!!

But I didn't trust Him to take care of January. Or February. Or March...

How silly. What a fool I am.

God's got this under control. He just wants me to be willing. And I am. I'm hoping that His plan includes me loving children in Haiti for 6 months.

But if His plan is for me to scrub toilets in the Evan's Library, or pick up trash on the highway, or simply continue to serve coffee to stressed out college students for a semester then I'll trust that. And I'll use the opportunities He provides to continue my education of loving Him and loving people.

2 comments:

Gillian said...

Thank you Noelle for posting that! The Lord's been teaching me some of the same things recently, especially about trusting Him not only to take care of my eternity, but to take care of my next few months as well!

Jack said...

I'm really enjoying your blog posts Noelle! Thanks for taking the time to write! It's awesome and inspiring!

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