Storytelling. Share your story.

I started this blog 5 and a half years ago with no intention of anyone ever reading it, I just needed to get some stuff out and it was a way of sharing my story.

At the time, I was telling my story constantly, everyone wanted to know my story (or at least the part of my story that got me on prime time news on multiple news channels. The "Local girl survived the earthquake in Port Au Prince, Haiti".) Churches wanted me to share about what God was doing and how I saw God working. Schools wanted me to come and talk to their students about my story. I told my story all the time...

...how I was in an unfamiliar country after a mission trip after my team had returned to the U.S, and through a strange turn of events I was volunteering for a few days at a burn clinic until I returned to the states...
...how we had gone to visit a school in the morning and it was just like any other day...
...how I took an afternoon siesta and was awoken by vigorous shaking...
...how I tried to get down off my bunk bed and ended up pretty much getting thrown to the ground and not being able to get my feet back under me again...
...how after the shaking stopped I reached for my phone to text my mom and say nonchalantly, "well, I think I just experienced my first earthquake." But I didn't have any signal...
...how I had no idea that what would transpire over the next 72 or so hours would cause me to tremble and cry and nearly shut down completely every time anything shook or rumbled around me....
...how I had no idea the magnitude of what had happened until I realized I didn't have signal and I looked up and listened...
...how I could see the huge cloud of ash covering Port au Prince and I could hear screams in the distance...
...how the next couple of days I worked in the clinic that became a hospital...
...how I assisted with a brain surgery without anesthesia, I scraped debris from a woman's head and face and filled a bucket with what I removed....
...how I cared for burns that were worse than I ever care to see again...
...how I worked on a woman for hours and hours until finally holding her head in my lap as she took her last breath...
...how I wept for her soul, when I realized it should have been me who didn't make it, me who knows Jesus and knows who holds my future, but I had no idea what her future held.
...I shared my story of how when I tried to sleep and closed my eyes all I could see were the people I had worked all day in the clinic on, and I could still feel the ground shaking about every 20 minutes. Each time imagining the roof falling on me and inflicting one of the wounds I had just spent hours tending to.

*this post includes an email written to my dad that day during the most raw moment of my entire life to date*

For about 6 months I shared my story constantly, people wanted to "grab coffee", hear about my story, and know what they could do. I told them about Haiti, and about that time, about how my experiences were making me excited to go to nursing school one day. But I don't think I told many people that I struggled with severe guilt because I survived. I didn't tell them that even 6 months later I would wake up crying when the train would go by my house at 3a.m. and my bed would shake (which I had never noticed before in the 4 years of living in that same room), They didn't know I called my mom every Monday afternoon like clockwork sobbing so hard I could barely breathe because I just couldn't do another Monday because that meant it was a whole week until the weekend when I could drive home and sit on the couch with my mom and dad and just cry if I needed to. I didn't share that part of my story with everyone. Some people knew some parts of it, but most didn't.

I've been thinking a lot about my story recently, about how I always want people to know the good stuff. Like I said, I started this blog almost as therapy, 6 months after the earthquake and the amount of people who cared about the earthquake in Haiti drastically diminished. I needed some sort of outlet, and I was able to share my story here. I just sat down and would write. Whatever came out wherever the words led me, much like I'm doing tonight. Then, after a while I would start "writing" all the time, in my head, just waiting till I could get to the computer to dump it all out. My story changed, I moved back to Haiti, I lived there, I blogged all the time, I figured people cared, I cared, I wasn't busy, I didn't have any reason not to write. Then my story changed again and I totally stopped writing, I had all the reasons not to write, I frequently wished that I wrote more, but now I have this weird feeling that my writing needs to be edited, clean, and flow nicely, but most of all it needs to be interesting. I think that prevents me from even sitting down to write. My mundane life isn't interesting to anyone else, so at the expense of my mental health sometimes, I don't write because I don't feel like my thoughts are important enough to be solidified in the internet stratosphere forever.

But this time of year always brings reflection, probably because of the new year and everyone wants a "fresh start". I always think about a fresh start, and wouldn't that be nice, but really I just want to keep living my ever changing story. The earthquake was my story 6 years ago today. It still is my story, but there is a lot more to my story now too, and I'm realizing that all of it needs to be shared.

I've been thinking about my story recently because I've been thinking about Peggy's story. Peggy is our dog, we adopted her about two weeks ago. She is about 5 years old, white and brown German shorthaired pointer. She loves to play fetch and will play for 3 hours straight if you let her. She snores when she sleeps and dances when we come home, she stands on her two back feet when she's too short to see stuff and its stupid how cute she is. Daniel and I just love her and think she's adorable all the time, except when she pees on our rug. Peeing on rug = not adorable. When I look at Peg I see her story in her eyes. I know its there. She's lived a tough life, she's been a mom, she's been out on the street, and I don't think she has always belonged to a family who loves her. I am always learning about her. I wish she could tell me her story while I pet her super soft ears. I wish she could tell me how she got that scar and tear on her left ear and why she walks with a limp sometimes. I love her and I don't know her story. Dan and I love her right where she is, peeing on the rug and all. I wonder how much life she has lived and why that makes her act the way she does. I want to know her story, but knowing it won't make me love her any more or less. However, knowing might help me to love her better.

(I know you are all dying to see a pic of Peg, so here you go!)

I think so often I am scared to tell my story, not just about the earthquake, but about my job, my marriage, my faith, my insecurities, my hopes and dreams. I'm worried about what people might think, that they might see I don't have it all instagram filtered perfectly, or that they will think my story is boring. I like to think I don't really have those fears, but I think I do. I think that, among other reasons is why I haven't written in so long, or why I only write seldomly. But recently I've been so comforted by knowing that when I share my story, whatever it is, whatever is going on with me right then, it won't make people love me any more or less, but it might help them to know me better, and I might be able to love THEM better too by sharing.


So that's my encouragement for the day. Share your story. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
My story today is so different than my story 6 years ago, but I wouldn't change any of it, I pray that I will just keep on living my story, and sharing my story as it comes along.

Beauties & Babies

 

Do you ever have one of those moments where it feels like everything is just “Working”? you woke up early without your alarm, drank your whole cup of tea before it got cold, your hair looks good, it’s sunny and 73*, you went on a five mile walk in your healthy body, cleared your mind of stress and anxiety lurking in the corners, you stopped by a friend’s house unannounced because you were walking by and couldn’t wait to share what a great day you were having, and just word vomit all your hopes and dreams in their lap, and then on your walk home you just had enough energy and excitement to run the last bit (and LIKE IT?!?) In that moments you feel like you can dream for your future, see clearly what it is that you are passionate about, and your thoughts are not clouded by doubt or fear or whatever other lies you let rule your mind? That afternoon for me was Thursday, August 20, 2015. I felt so energized. But that energy I had cannot carry me through forever, so I had to act.

Recently I posted on social media about my last day at work. It was bittersweet to leave that job that shaped me as a nurse, and the co-workers turned dear friends, but I am even more excited about what is to come. I’m moving toward what moves me. Women move me. I care about women, I care about health, and I care about being a woman who moves other women. It’s hard to be a woman, but it’s also one of the things I’m most thankful for. A woman I follow on Instagram posted the

the picture above, and I think it is so true, when women encourage and empower other women it empowers and encourages them too, and allows them to continue encouraging and empowering more women.

So here’s the long and short of it. I am transitioning out of being a cardiac nurse to being a Women’s Health Advocate/Cheerleader/Educator/Encourager. (That’s the title I just came up with for myself.) 

•  For my “day” job (which will actually be my night job) I will be working at John Peter Smith Hospital here in Fort Worth in their Labor & Delivery department. 
• The rest of my “nurse” time will be spent continuing to volunteer at the Fort Worth Pregnancy Center, empowering women to make informed and healthy choices about their unplanned pregnancy, and giving them all the loving support they need to do so. 
• Also, I have started working with Beauty Counter. It is an amazing company that I’m learning so much through being a part of, and guess what?! It’s mostly women empowering women to make healthy choices! Are we seeing a pattern yet?  (More on Beauty Counter later). 
• Additionally, I’m planning to move forward with my yoga practice and become certified to teach. My girls and guys at The Yoga Project have changed my life in ways I didn’t see coming, and I want to be a part of that life-change too. 
• And I would really love to start writing/blogging again because, for me, that brings about a lot of positive mental health in my life.

I’m making dreams for the future, dreams of how I’ll spend my time, how I’ll impact, encourage, and empower women, and mostly dreams of who I’ll meet and how what they will teach me. It’s too easy to become insecure and full of comparison. I do that every day. We have enough people telling us we are doing it wrong. Someone needs to encourage and tell us that we are doing it right. So I’m both excited and scared. Of course, I’m terrified about working nights, I hate staying up past 10PM. I’m definitely concerned that I’m going to miss my husband all the time between me working nights and him being in medical school. But I’m thankful he’s supportive. Sure I’m worried about learning new things, changing from the private to the county hospital, being responsible for the freshest lives on the whole planet, and making new friends. I definitely feel inadequate when I go in to inform a scared girl or woman of her results pertaining to an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. Of course I’m worried that through being in a direct sales company people will think I’m being judgy or salesy instead of informative, educational, and caring. Or that people won’t want to be around me because I talk about woman stuff, use woman words that no normal people are comfortable with using. I’m definitely scared to start my blog back up, I mean can I even write (seriously, I used the word woman/women and encourage and empower literally every other word in the second paragraph of this post! Seriously, have I ever used a thesaurus?) who even cares about what I have to say? (Hi mom!) My life isn’t as cool as it used to be 4 years ago when I lived in a developing country, spoke another language 24/7 and had no indoor plumbing. And of course I get insecure when I think about talking to women about their health? Who wants to listen to me? I am far from having the perfect body, balanced hormones, and an all clean GMO free, organic, solar powered, super productive life. But hey, we are all in this together. And I pray that as I walk this journey of life that I do it giving grace and living under the grace that my Heavenly Father has given me.

So that’s my brief update about life. Hopefully, if all goes as planned, I’ll keep up with the blog and you’ll hear more about my job, my life, my marriage, the food I’m eating, the yoga pose I’m working on, and maybe how I decorated my mantle for Fall.

******

Progress!!!! This is the first time I've pushed the "Publish" button since January of 2012, and even that was basically a re-blog of an old post. This is kinda the first original post since I blogged regularly in 2011, but I made progress I hit that "publish" button!

Reflections

Today marks the two year anniversary of the most horrific day of my life, and the lives of over a million others.

Its been two years since the 7.0 mag earthquake struck Haiti and shook her to the core. As I think back to that day two years ago, I try to fight tears. I try to fight thinking about the faces of the people that came to us for help. I try to fight the feeling that at any moment I could hear that low grumble of the earth before it begins to shake me down to the very core of my soul. I thought at the time that the earthquake itself was the most scary, and the most damaging, but I had no idea how the earthquake and the events of that day would haunt my life. I had no idea how much I could learn about myself, the Lord, people, compassion, selflessness, fear, and peace.

Today, I've tried to preoccupy my mind with other things, but I feel that to ignore this day completely would be a shame. God caused this to happen. He has been faithful through it. I've posted some links to my story from that day. Its too painful to write out and re-live over again, but as much as I remember the pain, and the horror of that day, I am reminded of God's faithfulness, of His steadfast love, and His unfailing peace.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, and followed my adventure of living in Little Guinea may not know that I started the blog for the sole purpose of writing down the earthquake story, and processing through for therapy. I started writing on the 6 month anniversary of the earthquake and re-lived those days. It quickly became hard to write about, and I decided to just write things as they happened.

This blog is just one of the ways that God has been faithful. All the stories in it came about because of Him, and the fact that you are reading them is directly related to the earthquake as well. Today, pray for the country of Haiti. Pray for their hearts. And above all, walk in God's peace.

To read some of my first posts about the quake itself click the links below:
Part 1
Part 2 (A lot of you may have received the email included in this post.)
Part 3

Old Friend

Its been a while since I've written. A very long while. I can't really pinpoint the reason for this.
Being busy?
Being lazy?
Not having thoughts?
Not wanting to have thoughts?

I really don't know. But today, for some reason I really am missing this old friend. Maybe its because I'm missing home in Ti Guinea? That's when me and the writing obsession really fell for each other? Maybe its because it was this time last year that I found out I was moving to the country that I loved, to do something totally unknown. I have tears in my eyes, and running down my face as I write this. Part of me is wishing it was last year and I am about to embark on the most incredible journey of my life. Having no idea the people that I'm about to meet...The people who are going to steal my heart, teach my heart, break my heart, and heal my heart. I miss them. Today especially, I miss them.

This morning as we sang in church, I couldn't stop thinking about the Sunday that I woke up with a headache, skipped church in the village and went up to the mountain to pray and to spend time in prayer. I couldn't stop seeing the valley in my mind. Hearing the kids yelling my name, "Norell! Norell!", as I tried to disguise myself and have some alone time with Jesus. I miss the way that the village broke my heart. I miss the lessons that I learned through small conversations with old men, with young girls, with old women, and with little ones who weren't yet old enough to talk.

This year I'm about to embark on another journey. One that looks very different than the one last year. I sit here missing the past, yet looking forward to the future. The same nervous feeling in my stomach, fear of the unknown. The Haiti adventure was one that took my breath away so many times. It was painful, it was hard, but it was so incredibly beautiful. The adventure I'm about to begin will be tough, but I think it will have its joys. The one thing that I know is why I'm going. I'm going to nursing school, to learn, so that eventually (hopefully) I can move back to Ti Guinea, and help the women that I already love. I can see their faces when I close my eyes. I can hear their giggles and smirks when I pronounce words wrong, or hug them and tell them they are beautiful and that I love them. This journey is unknown just like the last, but hopefully, it will end in the same place, with the same faces.

My heart beats is for the women of Ti Guinea. For the women of Ba Limbe, and the other surrounding villages. My dream is to love them, to teach them, and to live with them. I have many thoughts on how I want to accomplish this. Health education, women's health, midwifery, general education and skills training, etc. but, lest I get caught up in the details, I'm just envisioning these women. Their faces, their names, their stories.

I miss my old friend the blog. I miss living with the people who inspired its stories. When I started writing, it was a blog about me, but how foolish I was to not see that this is about their stories. But more importantly, its about God's story in all of us. How He is weaving our hearts together. How He is satisfying us.

 Its so easy to look to other things for our satisfaction. Its easy for me to look towards the future and say that once I finish school, get married, and move to Haiti I'll be ok. But I know that's not true. There are so many things that I look towards for fulfillment that will never satisfy me. I'll never be "ok" unless I look to Christ for all the fulfillment, joy, and satisfaction that I need. He's the reason that all these things are good. I am so undeserving of the blessings that he has lavished on my heart.

I hope that me and this old friend will get to spend more time together. That I will spend more time writing, because the lessons I learn while writing are just more undeserved blessings from Him.

Ok, so I realize I'm not doing a super good job of keeping up with the 3 Things I'm Thankful for, Thursdays. But I'm going to try to do better, I promise!

But this week has been great, so I feel like I should blog about it.

So here goes.

1. I'm thankful for the Lord's timing. After a lot of waiting, many tears, and lots of stressing....I got into nursing school!!!! Praise the Lord! He is so good to me! I got accepted to UT Health Science Center in San Antonio! I am still waiting to hear back from a few other schools, but I am looking forward to starting in January. I'm so excited that I'm finally in and I can't wait to start this new chapter in my journey!

2. I'm thankful for having some time off! Last night as I was falling asleep I decided that it would be a stellar idea to just take a road trip up to Dallas on my way to Austin this weekend. Let me explain... I'm going to Austin this weekend with Kylie to see my sweet friend, Caidee and her husband Jordan. Kylie decided to leave for Austin today, and so, not wanting to be left home alone, I decided to road trip up to Dallas to see Daniel and some other friends before heading to Austin on Saturday. It worked out perfectly because I had food that was getting ready to go bad in my fridge, and so I brought it and we made leftovers.

3. Lastly, I'm thankful for the cold weather! It had been feeling so wonderful these days... especially in the evenings! I even wore a scarf today!! It was magical!

That's all for now. I'll try to be better about keeping up from now on!

Thankful Thursdays

Three things I’m thankful for Thursday.

Thankfulness is something that I think everyone can use more of. Especially me. I have so much to be thankful for, but I don’t always take the time to sit and think about it. I saw a sign the other day that said, “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday.”  Many people save their thankfulness for November around Thanksgiving, but I’ve decided to take some time out of every week to thank God for His gifts, whether big or small. Significant, or insignificant.

I must admit. The “Three Things I’m Thankful for” Theme is not a totally original idea. One of my best friends, and roommate of 3 years started it. Except her “Three things” is on Monday. So I’m giving Kylie the credit for the idea! You should check out her blog, "Polka Dotted Days" too! (For real, check it out. She's super funny!)

Last Wednesday night, as I was laying in bed and throwing myself a little pity party, I decided to snap out of it and be thankful! And so was born, the weekly ....

(...Except, at the time I didn't have internet, so I'm just now posting it... I'll work on getting it on the right day!)

1.       These guys! Gersan and Betty Valcin are my other set of parents. They have truly been such a blessing this past year, and have been so wonderful to do ministry with. Gersan is the optimist I hope to be one day, and Betty is full of wisdom and truth. I’m honored that they call me their other daughter, and I’m so blessed by their hearts!

2. Electric tennis racquets. (Ok, I didn’t say each of the things I’m thankful for were going to be earth shattering…)These things are a for-real, a lifesaver though. They provide an effective way to kill mosquitoes, and make it a fun sport, all at the same time. I am not as effective as some people with the racquets, as is evidenced by my thoroughly  bitten legs, arms, and face. Betty could totally give Venus and Serena a run for their money with her mosquito killing tennis skills though.  (please ignore the crazy eyes and the bad web-cam quality photo)

3.    God’s plan. Through many tears last night I thanked God for His perfect plan. I am back, or rather, still in the land of Inbetween. But I’m so thankful that I can remind myself “all things work together for good to them that love the Lord.” That God has got whatever is going on in my life under control and He knows what’s coming even though I don’t.  I’m thankful for His plan. I’m thankful I can trust Him. And as much as I fight and cry and wish sometimes, I am thankful He’s in charge.

...And so begins the Thankful Thursdays! Thanks for the inspiration, Kylie!

Changing The Look And Enjoying The Little Things

I think my blog is having a bit of an identity crisis. I don't think the blog, or rather, the author, knows what to do with a "Haiti themed" blog, while living in America.

It makes me feel weird to talk about anything on here that doesn't have some deep spiritual meaning, or some great story from my friends in the village. So I've decided to do a little updating. I've wanted to write this post since May and haven't really done it correctly, so its just sitting in my drafts.

I want to enjoy the little things. Today! The things that otherwise may go unnoticed, the things that may or may not have real deep meaning. I want to enjoy things today! Not tomorrow. Not next year, but today. God has put me in today to enjoy it and learn from it.

Life happens today. Here: wherever I am

Doing what I'm doing (however frivolous it may seem)

Celebrating the little blessings just as much as the big ones

I am not forgetting about Haiti or my time there. It brought me to today. And today may lead me back to Haiti, but I don't want to miss life by looking at yesterday or tomorrow. 

My name is Noelle Faith. I need that daily reminder that He is faithful, yesterday, today, and forever. He is faithful in the little things. So I'll enjoy them today. And then I'll share them with you! 

This blog will be about the little things:

Who I'm with

What I'm making

When life happens

Where I'm going

Why I'm laughing

How I'm doing

...TODAY!

10 on Tuesday

So its Tuesday, yet again. I've missed so many along the way, but I've decided just to pick myself up and start again. So here goes. Again, the goal of the 10 on Tuesday is to take 10 pictures every hour for 10 hours throughout the day, but over time its changed into a 10 things blog. Today I'm going to do 10 pictures, not necessarily from today, but they are from this week.

1.  I'm back here!! I realized when I got home to Jacob's Well that so far in 2011 this has been my home more than anywhere else this year. It was so great to be home for a week and see all my friends, and speak Kreyol again!

2. The purpose of my trip was to translate for a medical team from Minnesota. I pleasantly surprised myself with how much Kreyol I had remembered!

3. Of course, I loved seeing Jenny again. (She really was happy to see me too, even though you can't tell.)

4. Remember my old-man friend from this post? I got to see him too! He said every day he's been hoping that I would come back, and we were so glad to see each other. (Also, his had had healed up so nicely I could barely even see the scar, and he couldn't even remember which hand it was at first!)

5. The church has done some expansion! It is going to look so great when its done! Its almost twice as big now as it was when I left. And made of some sturdier materials!

6. Haitian food. Is the best. End of story.

7. I almost cried when I saw Lelene  walking up to me this week! Her leg is almost completely healed. It is nothing short of a miracle! Thank you to all who have prayed for her!

8. I got to meet a few new baby friends. This is Wendel. he is a soccer announcer for the radio in Limbe. This is his son, Wendel Messi, named after the soccer player from Argentina. Wendel has the nickname "Le Grande" in the village because he is at least a head taller and much thicker than most Haitians. Windel Messi is more than likely the biggest 5 month old I've ever seen, following in his father's footsteps!

9. You know how some people are ocean people and some people are mountain people? I'm a mountain person, and I've missed having this as my back yard view!!

10. And lastly, I'm back to skype communicating. I actually didn't have any internet connection at all when I was at camp this past week, but now I'm in Port Au Prince, and back to the old skype instant messaging relationship with Dan and my family. We totally got spoiled by living in the same country and having a telephone. God's reminding us not to take anything for granted!

It Is For Freedom He Has Set Us Free

*This post was started on April 11th, and finished this past week.* 

God is making a movement in this village. There is no doubt. Things are changing. God is blessing people. He is using Pastor Valcin in many ways to spread the good news of the gospel! Gersan has been blessed and we have been able to help numerous people with their living situations, their health situations, and their spiritual poverty. The training at the church here is far from finished, but much progress has been made. God lives in Ti Guinea.

Today I was walking around with Boss Varis and a few of the others who work with us. We were taking pictures of some of the families that recieved latrienes recently. Water Missions International partnered with us and we were able to build 25 latrienes in this village. Today as we were taking pictures I got to see many houses in the village. Some are large, and made with ciment blocks, some very small and made with dirt and sticks.

These houses all had something in common though: Multiple front doors.

Why is this significant you ask? It is, very significant. Let me explain.


I think in any country, even in the states, the further you get into the country the more spiritual people become. Sometimes, in some areas in some countries people are very spiritual and worship the true God. Sometimes people begin to put their trust in the plants for healing purposes and whatever else. Here, we are pretty far away from the big cities. And voodoo is big. In this voodoo culture every house has at least two front doors. I've seen houses with 3 front doors, 3 back doors, and 2 side doors per side. The reason for this is the belief that if someone dies inside the house the spirit will have a door to exit through, and the people won't have to use that door to walk where the spirt walked. Also, that way the spirit has plenty of options to exit, because lets be real, no one is going to want to come visit if there is a spirit in the house that can't get out!

As we approached one of the houses I caught a glimpse through the gate. It was painted beautifully, yellow and blue and red and green. I quickly realized this is a voodoo temple. This is the place that is responsible for preforming those ceremonies that have disrupted my sleep so much for many nights I was here.

My brain engaged as quickly as I could make it, and I began to really look around and try to see details and see what was going on. I couldn't make sense of a lot that I saw, but a few things stood out to me. The feel of the place was not what I was expecting. I didn't feel the oppression or the darkness that I was expecting to accompany that place.

I began to think that maybe the evil that was here could see the light in me and had run for cover. I'll never know. But it did make me think. I thought about how I had always perceived voodoo temples to be such a dark and oppressive place, but really this place was even possibly a little more up-beat than the others because of all the color. I think that voodoo is evil. Pure evil, but I think a lot of the evil comes through deceiving those who are involved. The voodoo priest didn't look like an evil man, he just looked like a sad, lonely, lost man.

 The other thing that clearly stood out. More than anything else, was how everything was tied. Random stuff all wrapped up in ropes and cords around the trees. There were ropes and cords wrapped around every surface with bottles, candles, chairs, feathers, plates, cups, flags all wrapped up in them. The cords went around, and around, and around, and around. On one tree it was probably almost a foot thick of cords and ropes wrapped around and holding stuff in. But on the door posts, and on random smaller trees, and everywhere things were wrapped, bound. Bound up tight. And that caught my heart. These people who are so deep in voodoo are so bound by Satan. So bound by the lies. And Satan is deceptive, he has them bind things up, wrap them tight so there is no hope of getting them out of the cords that entagle them. And while they wrap up possesions and inanimate objects, he wraps them up tight. Binds them so tightly in sin and deception that they have no idea they are bound. They begin to think that their bondage is normal.

But Satan has not won! God is moving though this village. Setting people free. Giving life, and life abundant. More than 12 voodoo temples were in this village when Jacob's Well was first established 6 years ago. Now there are 2. Both of those voodoo priests are losing some of their trust in their voodoo. They are curious about Jesus. They are curious about what is happening in these people's lives. Christ has set so many free. But the battle is still there. Satan is fighting for them still. He will tempt them again. But Christ is victorious.
Every time I come to Haiti, I try to spend some time on top of the mountains looking over the valley and praying. Praying for freedom. Praying for light. Before I came on my trip this spring I felt the verse from Galations very heavy on my heart. "It is for freedom He has set you free." I am seeing that freedom being given in the village. Praise Christ.

What Satan has bound and destined to destroy, Christ has set free and given life anew!

Coming Home

This post was written on Tuesday, Sept 13, but I didn't have internet until now: 

What a sweet feeling it is to come home. You know the feeling. You walk into your house and its welcoming, normal, comfortable. You have that "ahhhh, finally home" moment. After being off on vacation for 3 months, I'm back home in Ti Guinea. I love traveling in Haiti because I feel like I see so much more diversity of the culture, but I think subconsciously it stresses me out. I don't feel like my kreyol is nearly as good in Port Au Prince or Cap Haitian as it is here in Ti Guinea. I learned it here with these people, so I feel the most comfortable speaking it here with these people. Today as we drove in to the village on the road I saw many familiar faces. They would wave cordially at the truck with the 3 blancs in the back, but then I would wave or say hello and they would shout, "MEN NORELLE, MEN NORELLE!!" ("Here's Noelle, here's Noelle!") I had told a few people that I was coming, but apparently the word did not get around. I am just as excited to see each of them as they are to see me. I didn't get a chance to see many people tonight, but I will be going out tomorrow to visit with all my friends. Praise God for His goodness. That He saw fit to give me such sweet friends from such a different background. Within five minutes of my arrival the skies opened up and poured rain, and Tchaly said, "Bondye kontan ou la. Li beni nou ak lapli paske ou vin we nou!"("God is happy you are here. He blessed us with the rain because you came to see us!")

Tonight I'm laying in bed...just thinking... I came to lay down early for two reasons. 1. Its dark and I have no internet, so what else am I going to do? and 2. I have the traditional "Welcome back to Haiti" stomach ache. So I'm laying here, and just thinking about how things were... How things have been for the majority of this year so far! I've spent more time in Haiti in 2011 than I have in the United States! That just struck me. For now, this really is my home. As I lay here tonight memories keep flooding my mind.

It smells like rain. It reminds me of when it rained for the entire time that my dad and Gracie came to visit in February.

 My room is dark, except for the light from my computer screen. Which reminds me of all the nights I spent up insanely late talking to Daniel on skype.

Even just sitting on the counter in the kitchen reminds me of how I used to sit there and write my 10 on Tuesdays while dinner would be cooking. Or how many, many conversations and hours I spent just sitting there and talking with Boss Varis, Guerline, Tchaly, and Tala. It has been so wonderful to be home. I'm so enjoying seeing all my friends!

My room is missing a lot of the color that it had when I was here, which is making me remember how cute it was decorated and how at-home I was here. I was talking with Theresa, a lady from Foundry United Methodist church who came on a scouting team with us, and I was apolgizing for not being a good guide. And she just said, "Its ok. This is just normal and home for you. I can tell you are comfortable here."
That is a dually true and untrue statement. I am comfortable here. This is my home. This is my heart. These are my people. I can only wait in anticipation the day that I move here permanently. But that statement is also false. There are so many things that make me uncomfortable about being here. The need, the fear, the bondage to Satan, etc. All these things make me very uncomfortable... But they are the reason that I am here. They are the reason that I am motivated to come and make this my real home.

So thanks for welcoming me back, Ti Guinea. I've missed you so much!!

Today I'm thankful for

There is always that moment when you sit down to write something and you stare at the page for 20 minutes before realizing that you've not only just wasted 20 minutes of your life, but have made no progress on the task at hand.
I've been in that situation so many, many times in the last few months. Today it would have happened, but I decided that instead of wasting time writing a personal statement I would write it in the blog. There was a time where I could sit down and write the fool out of this blog. I had thoughts. They were collected. They felt less like crazy and more like normal. I used to write blogs in my head, even the funny parts, which would make me laugh to myself at my own silly humor. And then I would sit and write them out for real.

I still write blogs in my head. I still make myself laugh for no reason. But I haven't written them out for real. I've currently got about 4 drafts of different blogs that haven't made the cut to get published. Writing helps me process, but hitting that "publish" button gives me closure. My heart rate races a little before pushing that little orange button, then I have about 2 seconds of "OH NO!! Did I just do that? Then I realize its done, its out there, and I can relax." So today. I'm going to publish. I may not even proofread because when I do I take out things, or get too chicken to publish. So here's to publishing... (I wish I actually had a glass of wine to toast with... that helps with the pre-publishing jitters.)


Life recently has been interesting. Life recently has been fast paced. Life recently has been wonderful. I've been dying to write about life recently, but I always chicken out. I feel like I owe it to my readers, if I still have any, to play catch up, but I'm not really going to. I think that's why I haven't written.

Life recently has taught me so much. About life, love, friendship, blessings, joys, hope, and trust.

I've been striving to live today. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, not next year, but today. Focus on today, enjoy today! Its too overwhelming to focus on tomorrow, I have no idea what I'm going to be doing... hopefully attacking the mountain of laundry threatening to take over my bedroom. Its too emotional to think about next week, and how next week I'll be back in Haiti. I'm so happy, I miss them so much. Emotional, good emotional, but still emotional. Its too overwhelming to think about next month, and how I still won't have heard back from nursing schools. But maybe by then I'll have gotten a job!? Its too far away to think about next year and how I have no clue what life will be like, but I do know this.... Today is here.

Today, my parents have packed up the important worldly possessions that we have. They are waiting on pins and needles, watching the smoke from the Magnolia wildfire rise, watching the ash fall, and waiting for a phone call telling them to evacuate.

Today, I'm thankful for my the friends that God has put in my life. How blessed I've been the last 2 weeks by the people who care about me and love me.

Today, I'm thankful for this past month. I know that doesn't fall into the category of "today", but still. I'm the boss of this blog, so I can write what I want! I've had a wonderful month. I've laughed so much. Laughter is so healthy! I'm thankful for the time that I have had with my boyfriend, Daniel. We started dating when I was in Haiti and our communication abilities were very limited. Then when I got home we were at camp, he was the program director and I was there working as well. At camp we had to put our relationship on hold and essentially pretend that we weren't dating. This is hard to explain to those outside the camp world, but camp is about the campers and if our focus is on another individual then we've failed at serving them effectively. So I only really got to spend time with Daniel on the weekends, and we were both so tired and the weekends were so short that it was never enough. August has been my favorite month so far. We've gotten to talk, actually be together, and not pretend we don't know each other, we've laughed, road tripped between Tomball and Dallas, and even, at times reverted back to skyping. However, skyping when I'm in America is different than when I was in Haiti. Here it works like normal. In Haiti it worked like a bad version of AOL instant messenger. I am fully convinced that a little man had to swim my typed messages from the coast of Haiti to the Gulf of Mexico and then run to Dallas and deliver it to Dan. Anyway, bottom line, I'm thankful for Daniel today, and thankful for all the times that Daniel has made me laugh till I cried this month. What a blessing!

Today, I'm also thankful that I'm blogging. I love writing. Its like running. (I don't love running, don't get me wrong... that's not what I mean.) Its like running in that I love it when I'm doing it. I've only loved running once in my life. I was on a running kick. It was a love hate relationship. I hated it while I was doing it, but then felt good about myself afterwards, then I had an accident involving a wet curb, and my knee. And I quit running after that. Point being, blogging is like running in that when you are in the practice of it its so good, you get the endorphin high, its not hard to do, but when you fall and quit running, or just quit blogging its hard to get back into it. I sit and stare at the computer until I give up and browse pinterest, just like I put on my running shoes, and then make excuses to not go running. So today, I'm thankful for blogging. Hopefully I'll get back into it. Hopefully I can give my blog a facelift. Hopefully... we'll see... I'll take it one day at a time.

Today, I'm thankful for the "publish'  button and how I can push it without proofreading, because I know if I proofread, I'll chicken out and not post this....

so here goes.... (still wish I had that glass of wine.)

10 on Tuesday...

Well, it has been a long time since I have blogged with any regularity. I have been all over the place, both emotionally and geographically these past few months, and so I have decided to bring back the 10 on Tuesday, and hopefully get some catch up done.

So here is what has been going on in my life over the past 3 months...

1.  I got home from Haiti on May 23rd, spent one week with my family, and then went straight to work at Frontier Camp. I spent June working at camp as the Healthcare assistant. I've spent the last 13 summers there, so that was a little slice of normal. Camp was so fun. There were wonderful memories and beautiful friendships that were strengthened this summer.

2. Towards the end of camp and for the first 3ish weeks of summer school, I was a total emotional train wreck. I had not processed Haiti. Its always an adjustment to come back home, but this time was different. I didn't have time to think about anything. I wasn't able to think or blog when I was at camp. When I don't blog or write out thoughts I feel like a crazy person. I'm talking, 'admit me to the insane asylum' crazy. I cried and cried. Like every day. I don't know why. I don't really know what about. I just cried. I missed Haiti. I was having a complete life crisis. Was nursing what I want to do? Is nursing what I'm supposed to do? Should I really be in summer school? Should I be back in Haiti? Should I be in a mental institution? It was awful. I was not trusting the Lord. I was leaning on my own strength and wisdom.... which always leads me to a mess of tears and failure.

3. God is gracious. He still loves me even though I'm sometimes a crazy person. He still blesses me daily. Provides friends, and family, and even strangers to encourage me. He is so good to me!

4. I am currently back in College Station. I live here. That is a loose term. What I mean by that is that I have a pile of vera bradley bags stuffed with various belongings piled in the middle of my room waiting to be unpacked. I'm not in school this semester. I'm praying for a job. I have a potential job, but have not heard back yet.

5. I'm waiting to hear back from nursing school. I'm praying that I'll get accepted to start in January. I have a few applications out and should hear back relatively soon. I'm praying that I get in if that's where God wants me.

6. I'm going back to Haiti in 13 days!!!!! Woah. I hadn't realized it was that soon. I'll be returning to my village in Ti Guinea for one week to translate for an American medical team. Its crazy to me that I speak enough kreyol now that I can actually translate for people. Please be praying for that trip. And for my Kreyol, that I will be able to translate clearly. The dates on that are Sept 12-Sept 22. I'm so excited to go back and see my village. I decided to stay a few extra days when I'm there to visit with all my friends. I'm positive that I will not have as much time there as I would like, but I am excited to see who I can see and get lots of hugs!

7. This has been a wonderful summer. Its been full of ups and downs, and totally crazy, but overall definitely a good summer. I've gotten to spend wonderful time with my roommates and dear friends at camp. I've gotten to spend some much needed family time.

...Well, I'm out of things to say, so I'll just post random pictures from the last three months, so you have an idea of what shenanigans have gone down...

8. June- Frontier Camp-

At camp it is essential to wear a head-cam everywhere! (ok, maybe I only wore it once. My footage was boring, so I got booted.)

Frontier Camp rodeo- Dirty south night. What you can't see is the MASSIVE denim bow in my hair. It was awesome. I love it. I'm currently looking for excuses to wear it in the real world! Ideas?

Frontier Camp- 80's night. I was Gene Simmons from Kiss (we had the whole band there, don't worry.) Daniel was Richard Simmons. He was slightly less excited about his outfit, but he sported the leggings well.

9. July- I was in College Station re-taking an anatomy class at Blinn, so I don't have many pictures...

 

Anatomy lab cats... yuck... told you that you don't want to see pictures from July... Please don't worry. I only took these pictures as a study guide... and are now using them as a blog illustration. I do not decorate my room with these photos. 

The first of many weddings... Enjoying time with friends from camp, celebrating!

10. August-

Kylie's Birthday dinner! Love my roomie! I'm so glad to get to spend time with her again, now that we are in the same country!!

 Craft time! I made a beach tote in preparation for family vacation to Charleston, South Carolina, to visit my brother! First successful craft in a while!

This is how I enjoy the beach. Out of the water. A safe distance from the sharks, and reading a good book!

And this is how Coleman enjoys the beach. Notice the stellar 'stache, sweet shades, slightly slouchy socks, and super stetson. Ladies, he's single and stellar... just sayin' :)

I got to meet a manatee!!! No, this is not at the beach. While that may seem confusing that I was just at the beach in the previous picture. This was taken at the Dallas World Aquarium. SO COOL. I love aquariums, and have been to many, but this one was by far the coolest. I've never seen a manatee in real life, and I think they are so cool, as is evidenced by this photo!

This leopard was at the aquarium too... See, I told you it was the coolest aquarium ever. Fish and animals! It was like an Aquarium/Zoo, but only the cool animals from both. The only thing missing was the elephants, giraffes and platypuses (platypi?), and it would be the happiest place on earth... I don't care what they say about Disney World.

Betty and Gersan came to Tomball and spent a few days with my family. Conducted a few ministry meetings, and enjoyed their time here! Gersan has always wanted to be a cowboy. He can quote almost any John Wayne movie, and looked totally cool on the horse! Can't wait till we get horses for camp in Haiti!?

 

 This past weekend I went up to San Antonio for my dear friend, Stephanie's Bachelorette party. I met Steph the summer of 06 at Frontier Camp, and we both ended up going to A&M and becoming great friends. I'm so excited for her and Mr. Preston Hill as they prepare to begin their life together!

So that's a little of what's going on with me. Thanks for reading. I'm going to try to stay up to date and not have do do 3 month updates anymore!

Announcement! Valcin Meet & Greet

Well, I know I've been somewhat absent in the blog world, despite my efforts and promises to get back into it. I do have some reasons, I have been writing blogs in my head. I've been thinking and talking a lot and I am almost ready to come back to the blogging world. But today is not about me. 

Today is about Betty and Gersan Valcin. They are the missionaries that I have spent so much of my time with in Haiti. They are my Haitian parents. They are a huge blessing in my life. God has blessed their ministry and given them a heart for the lost souls in Haiti. A heart to evangelize the lost. Train and establish pastors who will speak the truth and use biblical teaching. Help those in poverty, by providing jobs, building houses, etc. 

Betty and Gersan are in TEXAS!!!! They will be staying at my house in Tomball August 20-24. I want you to meet them!!

Monday August 22 & Tuesday August 23 they will be sharing what God is doing through them in the country of Haiti. Together, we will share with you some of our hopes and dreams for the country of Haiti, for the people of Haiti, and for Jacob's Well. We will be answering questions, and sharing with you opportunities to be involved through prayer, giving, or going on a short term trip. 

Please come meet them. I guarantee it will not be a waste of your time! Come at 7pm on Monday, Aug 22 or Tuesday, Aug 23 for coffee, dessert, and talk of Haiti! 

So to recap:

Who: The Valcins

What: Sharing about what God is doing in Haiti with coffee and dessert.

When: Monday, Aug 22 & Tuesday, Aug 23. 7pm

Where: My house (Call or email for directions)

Why: So you can be active in Prayer, Giving, or Going!

How: Please RSVP by leaving a comment with your name (and what day you plan on attending), or call Me (Noelle) or my mom (Marie). Or send me an email at: noelle.gonzalez11@gmail.com

Please invite whomever you may think would be interested as well. We want to get the word out about this, and I would love for all of you in the Tomball/Houston area, to be involved! 

Quieter Times

{This was written about a month ago, but not posted... oops! I've gone back and done some editing/changing. but most of this is still where I am today}

I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to blog more when I'm in Haiti. I don't know if its because I think more there, or because I have no one I can pour out my heart and thoughts to (so I just do it online for the whole world to see.) I'm not sure why, but it seems like every time I come home it gets more difficult for me to keep up the blog properly. Not just online, but in my head too. Since I've started writing its really helped me process through stuff, no matter what the situation, once I write about it I feel like its more of a processed, learned lesson than just raw thoughts and emotions. Bottom line, when I don't blog I sometimes (ok, most of the time) feel like a crazy person.

Since I've been home, honestly, even since I came home in April for those three weeks, I feel like life is moving fast and not giving me a whole lot of opportunity to think or catch up about things. I haven't been emotional at all about leaving Haiti, and I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Yesterday was the first day I really even gave it any thought, and when I did the tears came... I'm honestly not sure where the tears came from or why, but they did.

I'm now at Frontier Camp working as the "camp nurse" of sorts. (not there anymore, now I'm in College Station again.) yesterday was hard. I had time to think for the first time in a while. I talk often of how living in two places can tear at your heart. It does. I miss them. There are actually quite a few people here at camp that have been to Haiti and can understand how I'm feeling to some extent, but due to the busy nature of their jobs it is virtually impossible to have anything longer than a 2 minute conversation. So I've been talking to Jesus. I guess all things considered He's the best one to talk to anyway, right?

Its so humbling to me when I realize that I sometimes treat talking to Jesus as a lesser blessing than others. I mean, He can't give me hugs, He can't look me in the eye and tell me that its going to be ok, but He is the best listener with the best advice.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy, my burden is light."
He will not give me anything that I can't handle in His strength. His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and I am so weak sometimes. I let circumstances steal my joy, I let my selfishness get in the way of encouragement and loving others, I let the hard parts of the day rule, and the victories take back seat. His strength is made perfect in that. He is the one that can give me joy reguardless of how selfish I am. He is the one that can make me not focus on my problems, but on loving and encouraging others. He is the one. The only one that matters.


***

Ok, so that was written about 2 months ago. Wow. I can't believe I've been home for that long! Its almost been 3 months! 3 months in Haiti felt like a lot longer than the last few months have felt here. Life here moves so fast. I'm not sure if I like it or not. I finished my 5 weeks at camp and I'm not in College Station re-taking Anatomy. Thankfully the class is going really well. It feels like its going at the speed of light. A 4 hour credit in 4 weeks. 4 hours of lecture a day, starting at 7:30 am. Its been tough, but definitely bearable. I'm still in the application process for nursing school. I'm reapplying for the program here at Texas A&M and for a program in Victoria, as well as a program in San Antonio. I'm hoping for College Station.... but really I'm hoping for anything... I'll keep you updated.

I promise I'm working on my blogging. I have diagnosed my blog-avoidance disorder, and I'm working at getting to the root of the issue. I think the best therapy is going to be blog therapy, so hopefully I'll be faithful in that. I don't make any promises. We'll see how it plays out.

Bye for now.

Still Alive

I've gotten a few comments, notes, emails from worried friends recently...
"Are you ok?" "Are you still alive?" "Why did you quit blogging when you came back from Haiti?" "Are you going to start blogging again?"

I think the answer to all of those questions is "YES!" I'm ok. I'm alive. I did stop, but I'm going to start again. Here goes...


Dear Blog,


I've missed you so much over the last month and a half. Its crazy how I didn't realize what a good thing I had till it was gone. I've missed you, you are such a good listener, you make me laugh, you make me cry. When I don't tell you what's going on in my life I feel totally crazy, like my thoughts are only a big jumble of random, but when I write them out, I can actually process what's happening.

Ok, so writing to the imaginary persona of my blog feels weird, so I'm just gonna write.... I'm out of practice, so bear with me. I'm sure the total-life word vomiting will come back like riding a bike. 

I'm back from Haiti, but I don't think my journey is over. I'm on so many journeys right now. Some are new and fresh and exciting and challenging. Others are frustrating, monotonous, and tearful, while still others are windy, unknown, and looming over my head with a sense of doom and sunshine all together. I'm glad that the blog is flexible. Its probably going to be changing gears. I doubt that I'll have crazy life stories happening every day, or language-barrier issues, or other things I experienced in Haiti, but life continues. And up to this point God's kept my life pretty exciting and unpredictable.

So... Where have I been? I've actually been pretty busy this last month and a half! I went back to work at Frontier Camp as the Health Care Assistant for the beginning of the summer. It was so fun. So great to see all of my close friends again. Camp has always been my second home of sorts, and I love being there. The only problem was that I didn't have internet access while I was there, so the blog (and sometimes my sanity) suffered.
I've been home from camp for about a week, but dove straight into a summer school class. In fact, last week I was driving back and forth to camp from my class. Totally exhausting, but definitely worth it. Last week I had the opportunity to speak to the kids at camp about my experiences in Haiti, some of what I had done there over the past 4 years, and what God has been, and continues to be doing in the hearts of the people of the country. It was so rewarding to get to talk to these kids and encourage them to have a missional heart and mindset. When I wasn't driving last week I was studying, but now, with my first test out of the way I know what to expect from the class and I'm ready to be back to blogging!

Now, with no more Haiti stories what am I going to be talking about? Well, I usually just word-vomit my life, so we'll see how that goes. I also have a million ideas of things to try this summer, crafts, recipes, hobbies... I'll probably bring back the 10 on Tuesday... we'll see what happens.

I feel weird writing this post, its like I've been "on break" from a good friend and have a whole lot of catching up to do... My writing is feeling rusty right now, so I may just leave some of the catching up for later. But stay tuned for pictures, stories, ideas, and whatever else may run through my head!