10 on Tuesday

So honestly today I forgot it was Tuesday. I had a friend remind me this morning, and then after chatting for a while I completely moved on and forgot about it being Tuesday. That being said, I didn't write this post in my head all day. So lets see if I can come up with 10 somethings on this Tuesday ok?

I'll start with the easy stuff.

1. Today I taught school. I didn't have school at the end of last week because of something. I know the Kreyol word. And it means that they didn't have school cancelled. I think it was some sort of teachers meeting, conference, get-together type deal. Anyway. So I have missed the last few days of school. Today I had school. Which is always an experience. We were learning simple things... Months of the year. But the exciting part was that the wind felt like it was blowing a million miles an hour (this particular "classroom" is under a canopy tent. not much shielded from the elements.) There were a few times I thought that I was going to have to catch the black board in case it flew backwards. Then the wind would shift leaving me feeling like I needed to run for my life so I wouldn't get smashed by it falling on me. So that made months of the year interesting. When I asked what months and then what day their birthdays were in I discovered a little one with a birthday the day after my mom's. (He was less amused and excited than I was about this news. Oh well.)

2. This afternoon I tried to grab a nap at least 3 times and was unsucessful. That was a bummer. I could definitely have used one! But here we are. Its 7pm and now I feel fine, plenty of energy.... figures.

3. I saw Lelene today. Her leg is starting to look better. I feel weird saying that. It always looks bad. It always looks abnormal. But it seems to be starting to close up some. She told me that the nurse she has been going to for wound care has stopped washing it with betadine, and stopped applying antibiotic. She also has stopped washing it with soap and water. Its been over a week since this wound has been washed. It looked amazingly ok, but I urged and begged her to keep washing and keeping it clean. (We shall see. TIH.)

4. Today is the 40 day marker. I have 40 days left here. Wow. Ever time I talk or think about leaving that lump in the back of my throat appears. I don't want to miss these last 40 days. I don't think I will. I'm trying to soak up every second. Every person. Every relationship. I don't know when I will see these beautiful people again. That day is not promised to me. And that makes me sad. It makes me want to pack them all up and bring them home with me. (Lord knows, we have enough suitcases in the depot to hold everyone!) I pray that I will see them again. Just thinking about not seeing them again makes my heart break a little, and it makes me a little nauseous. I don't know what the future holds. But I know who does, and I know He is so very good. (and, lets face it, He's a way better planner than me!) Leaving is going to be so bittersweet.

5. Not only am I trying to invest my time with people here, but also with my Savior. I've had so many, many hard moments these past few weeks. God has used those times when I'm alone. He's called me to His word and whispered peace and hope to my soul. Sitting in the middle of God's creation and looking at all that He's made and then thinking that He is even concerned with me, much less gave His Son for me so that I may be allowed to enjoy Him forever. wow. I figured that I would get a lot of quality God time when I moved away from everyone and everything familiar to live with people I didn't know or understand, but I had no idea how fun and wonderful it would be!

6. Today is the 40 day marker. I only have 40 days until I am in the airport in Houston hugging my family, talking fast, and crying (lets be honest. We'll all know I'll be crying.) Leaving Haiti will be bitter. Coming home will be oh so sweet! I can't wait to sit at the kitchen table and drink coffee with my mom. Or sit with my dad on the couch. Or stay up late with Hopie laughing and talking with her sitting on my bed while I'm pretending to sleep. Or catch up with Gracie on all that is going on in all the world. I will miss seeing Coleman by 17 days. But I'm sure a long phone conversation will be in order. I can't wait to spend the week between being home and going to camp soaking up life with my loved ones. I can't wait to have a telephone that always has signal and doesn't cost me an arm and leg to talk to people! I can't wait to see all my incredibly wonderful friends when I go up to College Station or at camp! I can't wait to sit in church on Sunday May 29th and feel "home." I'm sure that week will be full of happy, happy tears and lots of hugs! I can NOT wait.

7. I'm currently still waiting and praying about nursing school. I was confident I was going to hear a week ago. And every day between now and then. I was supossed to hear between mid March and mid April. If I'm not mistaken "mid April" is in 3 days. I talked to a friend that is in the school right now and she said she didn't find out until early May. And at that point she had been waitlisted. I don't know if I have the sanity to wait that long. But I've had the "God's timing is perfect" conversation about 43 times in the last 3 days. I have my plan. (And it is awesome, if I do say so myself!) But God has His. And so far He has a perfect track record of topping my plans. He also has a perfect track record of being incredibly faithful, incredibly good. Maybe I should accept that His timing is perfect. His plan is cosmic. He's got this world under control. He doesn't need my help.

8. On a lighter note. I sometimes joke around that I'm becoming a crazy island jungle lady. (Being the only one that you know on a tropical island will do that to you.) Today I almost went crazy island lady on a group of about 55 Haitians. Here's the story. Boss Varis, Guerline, Boss Tchaly, and I all went to town to buy gas and a few random supplies.
The vehicle I drive here is one of those old "Mark III" vans, with the lazy boy bucket seats, and curtains on the windows, and the high roof. You know the van I'm talking about? We all had a friend with that car. You wanted to ride with them on road trips because they laid the back seat into a bed AND they had a TV in thier car. Ok. So I drive one of those in Haiti. I want to go on record as saying I have never driven a car that is harder to manuver, or with more blind spots. Maybe I would make a horrible soccer mom. I don't know. Its not the size of the car that bothers me. I learned how to drive in a Ford F-250. I can handle big cars. This van is just..... the worst. 
(Phew. ok. van rant over. ready to move on? me too.)
So we go to the gas station. I draw a lot of attention when I go into town. I am a white, female driver. Not your typical everyday sight. Also, apparently the stereotype that women can't drive exists here too. (especially white women.) Long story short. I ended up with about 10 men standing around my car shouting things like, "Come forward! Go back! Turn left! Turn right! Gack! Forward! Stop! Go!" But they were yelling these things ALL at the same time and in kreyol. I got frustrated and declared loudly that I didn't understand what they wanted me to do. So 15 more men joined in to help. Perfect. Just what I need. 25 people yelling different orders at me in another language! We eventually got it all sorted out I got the stupid huge, dumb blind-spot van in the right place and we purchased that gas! (Whoop! Let's get OUT of here!) I also explained, in no uncertain terms, to Boss Varis that I never wanted that to happen again. Nothing makes me feel like a dumb white girl more than 25 people yelling conflicting commands in another language. And the other 30 people discussing how the white girl can't understand or drive (gas stations here are much more crowded than ones in america.) Needless to say. This was not the highlight of my day. But I did survive and make it out in one peice and only yelled minimal mean things in kreyol!

9. For those of you that only comment on blog posts involving frogs.... here you go. I had a frog in my house last night. I know. This is really not a big deal. I am not scared of frogs. But what I have come to realize is that I am scared of the unpredictability of frogs. If you leave them alone, they may just sit there and eath the mosquitoes, or they may jump in your bed and make it all slimy. Either way. There was a frog in my house. Not a dry warty one that moves slow. A sleek, green-brown, slimy one...with an impressive jump range. Anyway. I went through many scenarios.
1. Shoo him out? (and risk him jumping around and hiding.)
2. Smash him? (this is typically what the Haitians do. but I try to avoid amphibian guts when possible.)
3. Electrocute him with my suprisingly powerful mosquito raquet? (this got a few votes from people who were supporting me through this hazard on skype, but I decided against it.)
4. Allow him to co-habitate and hope that he eats mosquitoes and does not make my bed slimy.

I eventually opted for option 4. Jumping frogs are just too risky. Eventually he made the mistake of coming into the open on the floor. I captured him in a random cup that I had, but then I got distracted and forgot about him until this morning. By that time he had given up on life.  Poor froggie, I didn't mean to kill you.

10. I really think I should be exempt from writing a tenth fact. numbers 8 and 9 were long drawn out stories with way more details than necessary. Sorry. Also, I think I might develop carpal tunnel syndrome from typing too much. I think I may take bets on who thinks I'll start showing symptoms... this could be a fun game. Let me know what you think.



Happy Tuesday everyone!

Missing Normal

Probably 99% of those who are reading this will wake up in the morning, take a shower, fix your hair, put on some nice clothes, and go to church. At church you will sing praises to our great King, be fed by His word, and fellowship with other believers. You will leave church feeling encouraged, and hungry. So you will grab your family, or best friends and hit up your favorite Sunday lunch spot. After that most of you will go home and take the traditional Sunday afternon nap, and relax for the rest of the afternoon. If you are a student, with a life anything comprable to mine when I was a student, you will skip the nap with much grumbling and head to the nearest coffee shop to get as much homework done as possible before class on Monday. At the coffee shop you will more than likely see people you know and maybe even make small talk. You will be distracted by those having conversations and maybe stick headphones in your ears to keep you focused on the assignment, and not on evesdropping. Did I mention that as you travel to and from church, home, and the coffee shop you will most likely drive a car with the appropriate amount of people per seat belt, or less? And you will be able to drive without swerving to miss potholes and bottom out every 3 seconds. Also, did I mention that people will not be staring at you the entire day? Analyzing everything that you do and then whispering to their neighbor about it. You won't be distracting in church, you will fit right in, you will barely be noticed as you drive home or walk into the coffee shop. Because its normal for you.

None of that will happen to me tomorrow. I will wake up, maybe fix my hair (like re-do the ponytail), probably put on a skirt and maybe something other than a white v-neck shirt, the only make-up I will wear is chapstick, and then I will walk to church. As I walk to church people will stare at me. When I get to church I will be noticed. The children's attention is going to be gone for the rest of the service as they whisper. We will sing songs in French. Someone will graciously lend me their song book, so I will have some idea of how to formulate the words, but I won't understand the majority of them. We will sit, and the pastor will begin to teach. I will count it a success if I can find the right passage without asking for help, much less understand the main points of the sermon. After church, I will mill around for as little as I think is appropriate and then leave. I won't be going to Rancho Grande with my family and friends, I'll come home alone. I won't be studying at the local coffee shop. I won't drive a car. I won't be normal and I won't fit in.

I LOVE church here. It has given me a wider veiw of the body of Christ. I LOVE living here. I have learned so much and grown so much. But I miss singing to my Jesus in English! I miss knowing the words to the songs and being able to close my eyes and sing them only to Him. I miss NOT being stared at! I miss sunday lunch with family. Or Sunday afternoon study dates with friends. I miss fitting in. I miss being able to understand conversations around me 100% without having to strain to understand each word. I miss being able to call my mom on the way to study just to hello. Or running into random friends at the grocery store.

Yesterday I cried. A lot. Actually, I am suprised it hasn't happened sooner, seeing as how I cry at least every 2 weeks in the states whether I need it or not! The underlying theme of all the times I cried yesterday was that I am a little homesick. I think there is a common misconception that missionaries love God and the people they are with so much that they don't really need friends. Every single word in that statement is false. Maybe I'm not the normal missionary, but I miss my friends and family. I miss things being normal.

But I'm not ready to come home just yet. The hardest part about living in two countries is trying to explain it to others. When I'm in the States I miss Haiti. I get homesick for Haiti. I miss the people I miss the smells, I miss it all! When I'm here I get homesick for the States. It usually takes longer for me to miss the states than for me to miss Haiti though. Typically, by the time I set foot in Miami I'm ready to return home to Haiti. But after 3 months here I'm missing the States. I'm not saying any of this to make anyone think that I am miserable here or that I would rather be in the States right now. I'm not, and I don't. I'm simply sharing with you how I am feeling so you may be praying more effectively for me.

Hudson and Daniel coming to work and visit here was such a huge encouragement I can't even express it. They encouraged me in ways that I really needed. They made me laugh until I cried (and thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen) at least once. I don't think I realized how much I needed them to come until they were here. It was such a wonderful breath of fresh air. But now they are gone and its just me again. Today and yesterday I have been thinking of home often.

I know its impossible for me to write something like this without many of you worrying about me. Please don't worry. Like I said, I AM loving it here. I AM NOT ready to go home. I just miss a little bit of normalcy. Pray that my heart will be full. I know that my Savior is with me. Closer than the air I breathe. Pray that I will be overwhelmed with a new love for these people, and a new urgency to show love to them.

And tomorrow, in church, sing your heart out to Jesus for me! I will be singing in French, but God understands what even I do not.

Praise Him for being so big and wonderful!

Thankful

Everyone reading this probably remembers exactly where they were when they heard the news.

I sat glued to the TV the entire day.

"Who would do such a thing? Why?"

I remember watching in horror as the first tower fell. The newscasters kept talking about how the towers were designed not to fall. Then, shortly after the first, the next tower fell. My little 11 year old mind was so confused and scared. I wasn't sure that I understood what was happening. And I didn't feel safe venturing out into Houston later that next week.

Years later as I was talking to my brother about why he wanted to be in the military (and didn't he know how dangerous it is?!) he told me it was because he loved his country. But as much as he loved his country he loved me more. He is training and fighting for me. For his family. For his friends. If you are a friend of my brother, you should be honored. If you know him personally, you know what a blessing he is.

This is something he wrote two years ago while he was still at the Naval Academy:

"You know I complain a lot about what I do. Sometimes it's my way of dealing with stress. But today, for this small space of time, I don't have any doubts about my situation. On this day, I know that the Academy will be worth it, and the fact that I can't sleep until noon fades into insignificance.



I do my job for the men and women on the top floors of the towers. I do it for the firemen and police officers who never came back from work on this day seven years ago. For all the families permanently severed by the events of September 11, 2001, for anyone whose name is written on the boards downstairs, for all of you reading this note, you are why I signed my papers.



So, I want to say thanks to all of you folks out there reading this, because you are the ones who keep me going when I lose my sense of direction. And to all my shipmates, I love you guys so much. I'd dive in front of a MACK truck for any one of you.



And family, y'all are the best. I don't know how else to say it. Using words cheapens the way I feel about you.



All you guys out there that I know and love so much, thanks for letting me be in your lives. I hope that in the coming years, I can express to you through deeds as well as words how much I appreciate you.



I promise that I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I love you all very much, and I pray that God gives you peace this September 11.



Thanks again for being such awesome people. I can't imagine my life without you."



I love my brother. I love all his friends from the military. I'm thankful for all of them and their service.

I was so privileged to be able to see them all get commissioned as officers in the United States Navy and Marine Corps on May 28, 2010

So to all those in the military, police force, fire fighters, and anyone else that lays down their life daily. Thank you. May you be blessed!

Thank you Jesus, for the heart that you have given these men and women. Give them strength as they serve you and America. Keep them safe. Let them know your love. Let us never forget!