10 on Tuesday

Once again, sorry for abandoning the blog. I've been distracted by life here. Its been going at a relaxing pace of 90 miles a minute. It has been relaxing, but its also had its crazy days.

Today is going to be the 10 on Tuesday: 5 and 5

5 things I love about being home: 5 things I miss about Haiti

5 things I love about being home

1.  Family time.

2. Driving dance parties to Justin Bieber and Jessie McCartney with my crazy sisters.

 3. Hugs.

4. Reunions at LaBodega with sweet friends!!

{not documented. utter failure.}

5. Being able to put pictures on the blog again!!

         5a. Did I mention hugs?

            5b. Did I also mention sweet time with wonderful friends and family?

5 things I miss about Haiti.

1. Jenny. (of course)   This picture is from before I left. I put her in one of my shirts and headbands. I thought maybe when I tried to sneak her through customs they would think that she was my child. In the end, I decided it would be a better idea to leave her with her real mom.

  

2. Sunsets on the hill with Guerline and Tala.

3. These precious little ones at school. 

4. My Haitian mom and dad. (I don't know how its possible that I don't have a picture of just us, but I thought I'd use the family photo.)

5. Hammock time. 

{also not pictured. I only have pictures of other people in hammocks.}

I'm still loving home. I'm definitely missing Haiti today.

Please continue to pray for:

 -my trip back to Haiti on May 12.

-my summer as I figure out what God wants me to do.

-the 20 something applications that I'm working on (and my sanity.)

 

M'ap Vini

I don't really know where to begin.... My heart is all over the place.

I have been intentionally vauge on the blog recently. Maybe you haven't noticed, but I have. I have 3 blogs written in my head that I just haven't had the clarity of mind to sit and write. I have avoided posting, even avoided reading other peoples blogs, because when I write, everything tends to spill out reguardless of whether or not I wanted to give all the details. I have told a few friends that I feel like I'm teetering on the see-saw of insanity: One second I'm fine, peaceful, trusting God. The next I am the opposite of all those things. Its been fun, let me tell you!

Ok. so here goes....


I'm coming home on Thursday.
As in, day-after-tomorrow. Its still not super real to me. wow.


Before you worry...there is nothing desperately wrong. It is just time. Due to recent circumstances and thoughts of my heart, (which I have not shared because I've been blog-avoiding) I need to go home.

My family is so important to me. My family members are 5 of God's biggest blessings to me. I am who I am because of them. I talked to my brother today. He has decided to spend his life serving our country. I saw him in December before I left. He has been "stationed" in Tomball since March and I'm missing it. He will leave 16 days before was planning on getting home. Basically, we didn't know this until today, but if I don't see him now, I don't know when I will. In the next few years, maybe. This is important to me.

Also, since Wednesday I've been thinking about the future. All those doors that opened when nursing school closed, while they are awesome and I'm excited about them, will lead me far away again. It was beginning to look like I would be home for a week, at camp for 5 weeks, and then very very far away again until mid-August. Some people can be away from thier families for 8 months and not even think twice about it. I can't. I could physically survive. But it wouldn't be fun. I don't do well if I'm not being hugged by loved ones. (Have I mentioned that before?)

Another door that's opened since this round of nursing school comes in the form of a monstrosity of an application for a different program. This has a very small window of time that it will be open, and requires a lot of time and effort. I will be working on this when I get home and have a more reliable internet connection.

Mainly, I'm coming home to be with my family. They need me right now, and I need them. I think God called me to love the people of Ti Guinea in Haiti. But He did not call me to abandon my love for my family. Originally the plan was for me to come home in April, but as I got more confident that I would be in College Station at nursing school I extended my trip, assuming that I would see them because I would be close.

This was not an easy decision. I first thought, "What will everyone think of me?" I let the fear of men overcome my heart. Will people think I've quit? Will they think I just got too lonely? Will they think I'm not strong enough to do this? Will they want to support me in the future? Will they think I'm flakey? Will they understand the reasons I'm coming home? I hope you do understand. If not, please ask me!

Also, I'm not quitting. In fact, I'm coming back. I'm coming back on May 12. I'm going to spend 3 weeks at home soaking up and loving on my family. Then I will return on the 12 to set up and help run the camp that I've been helping plan. Also, after 3 weeks of English, I'll need to brush up on my Kreyol before I am translating! I'll be returning again on the flight I had already had tickets for on May 23. Also, many of the doors that opened will hopefully lead me back to Haiti and this place sooner than later.

I've talked about how bittersweet it is going to be to leave. Oh my! I had no idea! I was a total mess when I told my friends here that I was leaving. I was able to tell Boss Varis and only had misty eyes. I explained everything about Coleman, and how if I don't go home now, I may not see him for a long time. And I told him I was coming back. Everyone is fully supportive, both of me going to spend time with my brother, and of me coming back. After that, I told Tala and Tchaly. I got through, "I'm leaving Thursday" and then started sobbing. Boss Varis had to finish for me. I finally pulled it together. And then Guerline walked around the corner. Seeing my red eyes she asked, "Sa ou gen?" "what's going on"  I got no words out. Just sobbing. Boss Varis told her. All I could say over and over through my tears was, "M'ap vini anko! M'ap vini anko!" (I'm coming back! I'm coming back!) 

I don't know if crying is culturally weird here, or if I'm just super pathetic when I cry. Probably both. They just kept saying, "Don't cry, please don't cry. Stop crying. You are going to make us cry. Please don't cry. You are coming back! We aren't mad!" I just wow.... it was so hard telling them I was leaving. I'm going to miss them SO much. Even now I'm biting back tears thinking about missing them. I told them its so hard to love two places. I told them that I'm going to leave half of my heart here, and take half with me to give to my family. Guerline told me, "You need a bunch of hearts if you are going to keep them with everyone you love.".  Mission accomplished. My greatest goal of being here was to love somone. Even if it was just one person. Her saying that made me realize that she knew I love her. I just hugged her and cried.

Thinking about leaving in less than 36 hours... instead of 36 days. Is a strange feeling. .

I'm excited to see my family. I need to spend time with them before Coleman leaves. I will be be coming back. I could never leave like this if I didn't know when I was coming back, and know that it was going to be soon!

I think the hardest thing I will ever have to deal with in my life is also my greatest blessing. Loving two countries. Two peoples. God has loved me so much. His love through me makes this possible.

10 on Tuesday

So honestly today I forgot it was Tuesday. I had a friend remind me this morning, and then after chatting for a while I completely moved on and forgot about it being Tuesday. That being said, I didn't write this post in my head all day. So lets see if I can come up with 10 somethings on this Tuesday ok?

I'll start with the easy stuff.

1. Today I taught school. I didn't have school at the end of last week because of something. I know the Kreyol word. And it means that they didn't have school cancelled. I think it was some sort of teachers meeting, conference, get-together type deal. Anyway. So I have missed the last few days of school. Today I had school. Which is always an experience. We were learning simple things... Months of the year. But the exciting part was that the wind felt like it was blowing a million miles an hour (this particular "classroom" is under a canopy tent. not much shielded from the elements.) There were a few times I thought that I was going to have to catch the black board in case it flew backwards. Then the wind would shift leaving me feeling like I needed to run for my life so I wouldn't get smashed by it falling on me. So that made months of the year interesting. When I asked what months and then what day their birthdays were in I discovered a little one with a birthday the day after my mom's. (He was less amused and excited than I was about this news. Oh well.)

2. This afternoon I tried to grab a nap at least 3 times and was unsucessful. That was a bummer. I could definitely have used one! But here we are. Its 7pm and now I feel fine, plenty of energy.... figures.

3. I saw Lelene today. Her leg is starting to look better. I feel weird saying that. It always looks bad. It always looks abnormal. But it seems to be starting to close up some. She told me that the nurse she has been going to for wound care has stopped washing it with betadine, and stopped applying antibiotic. She also has stopped washing it with soap and water. Its been over a week since this wound has been washed. It looked amazingly ok, but I urged and begged her to keep washing and keeping it clean. (We shall see. TIH.)

4. Today is the 40 day marker. I have 40 days left here. Wow. Ever time I talk or think about leaving that lump in the back of my throat appears. I don't want to miss these last 40 days. I don't think I will. I'm trying to soak up every second. Every person. Every relationship. I don't know when I will see these beautiful people again. That day is not promised to me. And that makes me sad. It makes me want to pack them all up and bring them home with me. (Lord knows, we have enough suitcases in the depot to hold everyone!) I pray that I will see them again. Just thinking about not seeing them again makes my heart break a little, and it makes me a little nauseous. I don't know what the future holds. But I know who does, and I know He is so very good. (and, lets face it, He's a way better planner than me!) Leaving is going to be so bittersweet.

5. Not only am I trying to invest my time with people here, but also with my Savior. I've had so many, many hard moments these past few weeks. God has used those times when I'm alone. He's called me to His word and whispered peace and hope to my soul. Sitting in the middle of God's creation and looking at all that He's made and then thinking that He is even concerned with me, much less gave His Son for me so that I may be allowed to enjoy Him forever. wow. I figured that I would get a lot of quality God time when I moved away from everyone and everything familiar to live with people I didn't know or understand, but I had no idea how fun and wonderful it would be!

6. Today is the 40 day marker. I only have 40 days until I am in the airport in Houston hugging my family, talking fast, and crying (lets be honest. We'll all know I'll be crying.) Leaving Haiti will be bitter. Coming home will be oh so sweet! I can't wait to sit at the kitchen table and drink coffee with my mom. Or sit with my dad on the couch. Or stay up late with Hopie laughing and talking with her sitting on my bed while I'm pretending to sleep. Or catch up with Gracie on all that is going on in all the world. I will miss seeing Coleman by 17 days. But I'm sure a long phone conversation will be in order. I can't wait to spend the week between being home and going to camp soaking up life with my loved ones. I can't wait to have a telephone that always has signal and doesn't cost me an arm and leg to talk to people! I can't wait to see all my incredibly wonderful friends when I go up to College Station or at camp! I can't wait to sit in church on Sunday May 29th and feel "home." I'm sure that week will be full of happy, happy tears and lots of hugs! I can NOT wait.

7. I'm currently still waiting and praying about nursing school. I was confident I was going to hear a week ago. And every day between now and then. I was supossed to hear between mid March and mid April. If I'm not mistaken "mid April" is in 3 days. I talked to a friend that is in the school right now and she said she didn't find out until early May. And at that point she had been waitlisted. I don't know if I have the sanity to wait that long. But I've had the "God's timing is perfect" conversation about 43 times in the last 3 days. I have my plan. (And it is awesome, if I do say so myself!) But God has His. And so far He has a perfect track record of topping my plans. He also has a perfect track record of being incredibly faithful, incredibly good. Maybe I should accept that His timing is perfect. His plan is cosmic. He's got this world under control. He doesn't need my help.

8. On a lighter note. I sometimes joke around that I'm becoming a crazy island jungle lady. (Being the only one that you know on a tropical island will do that to you.) Today I almost went crazy island lady on a group of about 55 Haitians. Here's the story. Boss Varis, Guerline, Boss Tchaly, and I all went to town to buy gas and a few random supplies.
The vehicle I drive here is one of those old "Mark III" vans, with the lazy boy bucket seats, and curtains on the windows, and the high roof. You know the van I'm talking about? We all had a friend with that car. You wanted to ride with them on road trips because they laid the back seat into a bed AND they had a TV in thier car. Ok. So I drive one of those in Haiti. I want to go on record as saying I have never driven a car that is harder to manuver, or with more blind spots. Maybe I would make a horrible soccer mom. I don't know. Its not the size of the car that bothers me. I learned how to drive in a Ford F-250. I can handle big cars. This van is just..... the worst. 
(Phew. ok. van rant over. ready to move on? me too.)
So we go to the gas station. I draw a lot of attention when I go into town. I am a white, female driver. Not your typical everyday sight. Also, apparently the stereotype that women can't drive exists here too. (especially white women.) Long story short. I ended up with about 10 men standing around my car shouting things like, "Come forward! Go back! Turn left! Turn right! Gack! Forward! Stop! Go!" But they were yelling these things ALL at the same time and in kreyol. I got frustrated and declared loudly that I didn't understand what they wanted me to do. So 15 more men joined in to help. Perfect. Just what I need. 25 people yelling different orders at me in another language! We eventually got it all sorted out I got the stupid huge, dumb blind-spot van in the right place and we purchased that gas! (Whoop! Let's get OUT of here!) I also explained, in no uncertain terms, to Boss Varis that I never wanted that to happen again. Nothing makes me feel like a dumb white girl more than 25 people yelling conflicting commands in another language. And the other 30 people discussing how the white girl can't understand or drive (gas stations here are much more crowded than ones in america.) Needless to say. This was not the highlight of my day. But I did survive and make it out in one peice and only yelled minimal mean things in kreyol!

9. For those of you that only comment on blog posts involving frogs.... here you go. I had a frog in my house last night. I know. This is really not a big deal. I am not scared of frogs. But what I have come to realize is that I am scared of the unpredictability of frogs. If you leave them alone, they may just sit there and eath the mosquitoes, or they may jump in your bed and make it all slimy. Either way. There was a frog in my house. Not a dry warty one that moves slow. A sleek, green-brown, slimy one...with an impressive jump range. Anyway. I went through many scenarios.
1. Shoo him out? (and risk him jumping around and hiding.)
2. Smash him? (this is typically what the Haitians do. but I try to avoid amphibian guts when possible.)
3. Electrocute him with my suprisingly powerful mosquito raquet? (this got a few votes from people who were supporting me through this hazard on skype, but I decided against it.)
4. Allow him to co-habitate and hope that he eats mosquitoes and does not make my bed slimy.

I eventually opted for option 4. Jumping frogs are just too risky. Eventually he made the mistake of coming into the open on the floor. I captured him in a random cup that I had, but then I got distracted and forgot about him until this morning. By that time he had given up on life.  Poor froggie, I didn't mean to kill you.

10. I really think I should be exempt from writing a tenth fact. numbers 8 and 9 were long drawn out stories with way more details than necessary. Sorry. Also, I think I might develop carpal tunnel syndrome from typing too much. I think I may take bets on who thinks I'll start showing symptoms... this could be a fun game. Let me know what you think.



Happy Tuesday everyone!