7 Months

I absolutely cannot believe its been seven months since the earthquake in Haiti. In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday, and in some ways I feel like it was forever ago.

I've been thinking about writing a blog about healing. I can't even begin to explain how much progress I have made in the past 7 months. Last week there were a few times that I thought, "wow, did I even think about the earthquake today?" Which, by thinking that I guess I did, but still. Its progress. Or is it?

I prayed (still do pray) both for and against the day that I don't think about the earthquake. Part of me wants to move on and be a normal functioning human being again. But a very large part of me doesn't ever want to forget any detail of what I saw, or heard, or felt, or smelled...(smelt?) I'm caught in between wanting to have a heart that is healed and feeling incredibly guilty about moving on. I always have to remind myself that its not like I'm forgetting, or brushing those people and experiences aside. I'm just dealing with them differently.

I'm in Destin, Florida right now with my family and had no idea of some of the triggers that were here. I was walking through the parking lot with my family for dinner yesterday and then started crying...
What? where did that come from?! Why am I crying?
Oh, the last time I was in Florida was right after the earthquake. I didn't know that thought would even cross my mind, or bother me.

I feel like I keep looking at the clock today at crucial moments. Like I looked at the clock and it was 4:50. Three minutes before the earthquake. 7 months ago at that time I was sleeping soundly having no idea what was about to happen. 6 months ago at that time I was sitting in Mugwalls coffee shop trying to study and looked at the clock, burst into tears and had to leave. Then for the next 3 hours I had flashbacks and re-lived all that happened during the earthquake and aftermath. Today, there were no tears. I said a prayer for my people and thanked my God for His faithfulness to bring me to this point.

7 months ago, January 12, 2010. My life was changed forever. At this time of the day I was laying in my bed. We weren't allowed to sleep outside that night because we were told our buildings were sound enough and were going to be fine. That didn't stop me from pulling my mattress off the top bunk and dragging it RIGHT up next to the door. The mattress was useless. I knew I wasn't getting any sleep. With every tremor, which felt like they were only 45 seconds apart and still VERY LARGE in magnitude I grew more fearful. Much more fearful than I had been during the actual quake. During the actual quake I was confused, half asleep, and thought it must not have been that bad because our buildings were fine. That night I was not so blissfully ignorant.

I KNEW how bad it was. I had just spent the last 7 hours as a severe acute trauma nurse. I had heard the incessant cries of "Anmwe! (Help!)" As I tried to get people cleaned they were saying, "Li fe mal! We! Li fe mal!" (it hurts! ouch! it hurts!) I would hear them cry out to "Jesi" to hear them and be with them. I repeated over and over again in Creole, "I know it hurts. I am here. I love you. Jesus knows. Jesus is here, Jesus loves you."

As I lay there that night I still felt like I had the smell of burnt skin and blood all around me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw their faces, heard their voices telling me how badly it hurt, but please hurry so they could see their wife, or children again before they died. Absolute heartbreak. At that point I was in total survival mode. I thought when I took a shower earlier that I would cry and try to process some of it, but I couldn't. I had to stay strong or I wasn't going to make it. I put on my scrubs to sleep in, just in case I needed to get up in the middle of the night. Then I grabbed my prayer journal.

You should see my handwriting from that night. It looks like I'm a 4 year old trying to write while riding a roller coaster. Its the "I'm terrified" handwriting.

I never want to lose this prayer journal. I am so thankful that I have it. It is my immediate raw response to my fear. God worked so many miracles that day in the midst of all that tragedy. That tragedy didn't catch Him off guard. Not at all. Looking back at what I wrote that night I am still floored by what I said. I literally could not stop thanking God. (What?!) I know, I'm still surprised. Every time I go back and read that it surprises me. That's not what I remember feeling. But God gave me peace and thankfulness. I ended with this

"Guard my life and rescue me. Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in You." Psalm 25:20-21

Life Lessons with Zac Efron

So last night I went to go see Charlie St. Cloud. Honestly, when I decided to go I didn't even know the name of the movie. I thought it was called, "The new Zac Efron movie." I knew a small part of the plot, but not much. I was fully prepared to cry throughout the movie, because I cry at some point in almost all movies. (Including Despicable Me and Toy story 3... bawled in them both.)

So anyway... went to go see Charlie St. Cloud. (If you have not seen it and want to, don't read this post until after you see it. I'm going to discuss plots and themes. Consider yourself warned.)



First off, it really was a good movie. A bit cheesy at some points, but it has to be. Its Zac Efron. Don't get me wrong. I love him. And Justin Bieber. And the Jonas Brothers. I'm not ashamed. I'm a 12 year old girl who missed her calling in life as a Disney voice actress. But its fine. No big deal.

Ok, here are the spoilers... so in this movie Zach (Charlie St. Cloud) is super close with his little brother. They end up getting in a car accident in which they both die. The paramedics resuscitate Charlie with an AED, but Sam, the little brother, does not make it. The rest of the movie is about how Charlie can't move on or let go. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to move on and pretend like his little brother didn't mean the world to him. He doesn't want to have fun and live life while his brother can't. He has always felt guilty about being the one that survived and got a second chance. But of course he has to move on. In order for him to heal properly he has to move on. Its not easy, but he can do it with help.
Of course at the end of the movie he gets the girl that helps him overcome his problems, but its not without a LOT of pain and a lot of struggles along the way.

This movie pushed all of my "Cry buttons."
1. He has friends in the military that don't make it home. (If you don't know why my heart is close to the military read my last post.)
2. Its about his little sibling (while I haven't blogged about my little sisters I DO love them dearly!)
3. deals with great loss
4. Car accidents- Just so sad.
5. feelings of guilt for surviving
6. sailing... I don't really know... there is something so emotional about the ocean.

So what's the point of all of this? Not that I totally "identified" with this movie, but it did make me think a lot. I got in the car to drive home, tossed my hair and tried to shake it off. Then I thought, "Why don't we just slow down and think about all of this for a second?".... Then "How Deep the Father's Love For Us" Came on my iPod.

Cue tears.... small tears and a whirlwind of thoughts.

I haven't talked a lot about this, but I have wrestled with the Lord so many times and asked over and over why did I survive the earthquake and not all those children and others? I would be fine if I died. I would go straight to Heaven and start shouting praises to my King! What is greater than that? I have wished so many times that I could have died instead of the children. Or instead of the ones that didn't know Christ. I have felt guilty that I survived. That I left. That I have the luxury of clean water and a roof over my head. That I still have a family. That I have an education. on and on and on ad nauseum.

The earthquake in Haiti was the 7th deadliest earthquake on record in the history of the world! The WORLD, people. I'm talking since "in the beginning." (according to Wikipedia).

And I was right in the middle of it. Came out with some bruises, back pain, grey hair, and bags under my eyes, but I am 100% fine. One of the questions that someone asks Zac in the movie is, "what are you going to do with your second chance at life?"

I started thinking about how I was given a second chance at life too and I shouldn't be guilty about it. Then I thought about a line in one of my absolute favorite songs, "No guilt in life, no fear in death! This is the power of Christ in me." Then something clicked...

...Cue more tears. Big tears. I'm talking pull-the-car-over-you-are-going-to-wreck tears.

I was already given a second chance at life! This was my third chance! Hallelujah!! Christ saved me from death once already, when HE died in MY PLACE!! He didn't feel guilty about coming back to life! He died and gave ME a second chance at life, as a gift! And I took the joy that I found from that and use it to walk through life! So the earthquake was not my second chance at life. It was my third!

Its really hard for me to express all of this in my writing, but I just had such a sweet revelation last night. I got to spend some time just weeping for joy because of the gift of true, real life I have received twice now.

I am so thankful for moments such as these when God uses everyday things like a Zac Efron movie, or lyrics to my favorite hymn, to bring me to worship Him. I love it when something like this happens to forever make that line of that song special. Love it.


Thank you, Sweet Savior for saving my life and teaching me about your love.

(...and thank you for Zac Efron.)

Oh Brother!

Dear Blog,

I've really missed writing recently and honestly have started about 5 blog posts in the past couple of weeks. Part of my problem with posting them is that I haven't had a complete thought process in a few weeks. I haven't had anything that I wanted to write about that I had completely thought out, or knew how to express. But now I do, so here we go!

I have been reminded recently, through some very hard circumstances, how much I love my brother, Coleman. I have a dear friend who's brother is enlisting in the Navy today and she has called me several times for counsel and to ask, "how did you ever get through this?" Its gotten me thinking a lot about my brother and I just wanted the world to know how great he is.


I tell people that Coleman and I were basically raised like twins. We are 2 years apart, but my mom always had us matching and playing with each other. (I got some of his hand me downs, notice the train on my jumper in above picture.) For the first 4 and 1/2 years of my life it was just me and him. We played all the time. I've been reminded that we both had cars like this red one. powered by our little feet pushing us along. I had a blue convertible, and we would go around and around the circle in our living room and kitchen all evening before dinner.

We played for endless hours doing heaven-knows what outside. We've played in many a sprinkler, slip-n-slide, and ant pile! After we started homeschooling and after he had gotten a bb gun for christmas, we used to go outside and wear our red AWANA sparkies vests and pretend we were the British Red Coats in the Revolutionary war... So fun... until little sister got shot with the bb gun!


I have a lot of good memories with Coleman. One thing that kept us close was homeschooling. We ended up being only one grade apart from each other, but we did a lot of the same schoolwork. He was ahead in math and science, but my mom usually did the same program with us for history and reading.

And then Hopie was born!


Once Hope and Grace came along we earned the title, "The Big Kids", as opposed to "The Little Girls." Those titles have stuck with us even until now!

Once we got to highschool Colemanan and I stayed close and probably even got closer than before. I know there were times that he wanted to murder me for coming into his room and bothering him, but somewhere deep in his heart he loved it. We spent countless hours together in the car on the way to basketball, volleyball, football, and baseball practice. We had all the same friends, were in a lot of the same classes, etc.

I am so thankful for my brother. He taught me so much about life and love. I have not always been a good sister or friend to him, but he has never done me wrong. Through everything he has loved me unconditionally. He has taught me so much about courage and honor.

Coleman got accepted to the United States Naval Academy and went to Plebe summer after a short 3 weeks working at Frontier Camp, we all loaded up in the RV to road trip to Maryland to drop him off. That was the best-worst vacation ever. I felt like we were making a vacation out of getting rid of my brother. While we did have a lot of fun on that trip the reality that he was leaving was setting in. The above picture was taken the night before he reported. We had fun and laughed a lot that night, but it was all bitter sweet.

He surprised me by coming home for my graduation. Notice the teary eyes above :)

Coleman is a man that loves his country and loves his military job. I am so proud of what he has done already and I can't wait to see what God is going to do with him for the rest of the journey. His time at the academy grew and shaped him in so many ways and he loved it. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he loved every second of it, and we sure hated not having him around, but I am so proud of what he was doing.

We've had good times together since he's been gone in the military. He's now graduated from the Naval Academy and is in Charleston, South Carolina for Submarine school.

I'm so proud of all that he's done and what he will do in the future.... You should be too :)

Stranger Danger?

I have made a lot of progress since January. Praise God! He is so good to me! I made a list of things that all went RIGHT about my time in Haiti about a week after I got home. Sort of a "what I'm thankful for" list. I think sometimes when I don't consiously think about how good God is that I start to forget all the great things He has done (and is doing) for me. I'll come back to this point in a second...

I was talking to a complete stranger today... (Ok, I've seen her twice, so not a COMPLETE stranger.) Anyway, I do this a lot now (I'm turning into my mother!) I think coffee really loosens people up in a way similar to Alcohol, but you can actually remember the conversation later. It turns out that this girl and I are in a lot of the same circles, but we couldn't think of any of our mutual friends. So while we were brainstorming about how we knew each other it came up that she was moving to Asia to do language school and minister to college students. Neat! So when it was my turn I started to tell her about my future plans and my insecurities in them... so I'm spilling my heart to a stranger... and she cuts me off mid-sentence with a huge smile and says "But God is so great!" Like, "Psh! No worries girl, you are all insecure about this now, but its going to be taken care of, and its going to astound you how easily God's going to pull this off!"

THANK YOU!!! I needed to hear that!

This type of thing has happened a lot these past 6 months. I'll be talking to someone that I don't really know... and spilling my heart and word vomiting all over them. And instead of being like, wow, girl, you've got a long way to go, or something to that effect. They minimize my issue or make a joke out of it... And its SO encouraging! I have these memorable quotes written down in my phone, so I wont forget them.

For example, I was talking to this girl that I sort of know. We've had coffee once or twice, and see each other around about once per week. She asked how school was going. And I told her. (This was around March, so school was NOT going well. And I was panicked.) She shrugs and goes, "Well chances are, you'll graduate." I bet if I reminded her of saying that she would not even remember. But I've read that sentence over and over again for encouragement. And she was right! The next week I found out that I would be graduating in December! Whoop!

Strangers are so neat!

(For the mom's that read my blog... Don't worry. I only talk to safe strangers. And I don't take any candy from them.)

I think I have spent the past few days forgetting all that God has done for me. Which brings me back to the beginning of the post. I want to spend a few minutes dwelling on my blessings. Like at thanksgiving when you all go around the table and say what you are thankful for.

Just to create the right atmosphere in your mind...


I'm thankful for:

• My family. They have been there for me with shoulders to cry on and encouragement to keep me going.
• The promise of Heaven. I was thinking about it today. What a great day it will be when I finally get to see Jesus face-to-face and hug His neck. I can't wait to sit with my Heavenly Father and laugh and worship Him.
• Mom. for always answering your phone. Even last semester on Monday afternoons when you knew there was a 100% chance that I was crying. For listening and putting up with me.
• Dad. for always wanting to sit on the couch with me and laugh or watch mystery shows.
  
• Surviving. Last semester was not an easy one emotionally and I literally didn't think I was going to make it... but I did.
• The known. I know I'm loved, God has a plan, its all going to work out, most likely be graduating within 5 months.
• The unknown. I'm honestly not as thankful for this yet. Just scared and insecure, but that is driving me to trust my Father... which I am thankful for.
• New Life Church. I've just started going to this church and I'm loving it.
• Music. That speaks to your soul. (Or that you can have a dance party to... Bieber Fever anyone?)
• Siblings and friends. You've all been so encouraging to me over the years. I can't imagine where I'd be without learning important life lessons from you guys.
• Summer break. Even though I'm working and taking classes its been good to at least say that it's summer.
• Game nights. A little friendly competition in Tomball. Lifts my spirits always... even when the boys beat us.
• Rest. I am finally getting back to my old sleeping habits! I don't think I've had an earthquake nightmare since right after spring break! I am starting to be able to fall asleep a little faster as well and don't take forever to fall asleep. Only sometimes does the train scare me as it whooshes through the night at 11:45 and 3:15. Other than that I'm sleeping, Praise God!
  
• Spoons. With Caitlin, Jessie, & Andrea. You are each so special to me in your very own way.
• Blessings. So much that I take for granted. My car, food, shelter, education, clothing, hygiene, freedom. All things that I never have to even think twice about because I've been so richly blessed.
• Many more.

What are you thankful for?

In the Blink of an Eye

What just happened?

I looked out the window of the airplane fighting back the tears. I was so confused. "Is this really happening!? I'm leaving?"

I quit trying to fight the tears... here they came. Fast and furious. I wiped my eyes so I could at least catch my last glimpse of Haiti and try to see some of what happened in downtown PAP as I flew over...leaving.

Just 9 hours ago, I told my dad on the phone that I had emailed my advisor at school and asked her to drop my classes for the semester because I was stuck in Haiti. I wasn't coming home for at least a month or maybe three. They weren't letting anyone that wasn't critically injured leave. Or at least that's what I thought.

Last night I went to bed asking God for the strength to be here for an indefinite amount of time. I was scared, but also really excited about my trip extension. God brought me here for this time and that was exciting. I still don't sleep well. The tremors wake me up. And each time one comes I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and throw up, all at the same time. But I knew God had me there for a reason. To accomplish His purpose...and... Now I'm leaving. Deserting.

I woke up at 5 am to a big tremor. Shortly after that I heard a voice through my window say, "Get up! We have a flight out for you all." Immediately I hope that the flight is just for the group from Kentucky, but then they handed me a paper to fill out also.
I asked, "Do I have to go?" Of course, the answer was yes, I had to leave. I didn't get a chance to think about it or say goodbye to Sheryl and Susan, the nurses I'd spent the past 3 days with in the clinic.

(This photo was taken Wednesday, about 24 hours post quake. This was the best we could do for smiles)

I got rushed to the car and we left. That was it. We had 10 minutes to pack 5 minutes to fill out paperwork, then got in the car and headed to the airport. What happened was Samaritan's Purse was sending a plane with doctors and equipment to Haiti and they didn't want to take an empty plane back to the U.S. They offered to take our volunteer group back on their return flight. So off we went to the airport.

The airport was total chaos. People everywhere trying desperately to get out of the country. Some were in wheelchairs and had make-shift splints on their legs. Most had dried blood on them and still fresh cuts. Yelling, SCREAMING, in Kreyol. That was the first time I ever felt somewhat unsafe because of my skin color.



After waiting outside a while we walked through the airport. We were trying to walk quickly to our plane, but also were shocked at the sight of the airport. No one got exit stamps on our passports. The only security I went through was showing them the cover of my American passport. They didn't even check the picture. I exited the airport through what used to be a wall, now just a hole. Got on the plane and tried to see what I could from the runway. I have never seen so many planes on this runway. Planes from Jamaica, Switzerland, France, U.S, Virgin Islands, Canada, Italy... It was crazy.

I walked onto the most luxourious plane I've ever seen. Recliner seats, couches, TVs with tracking devices to show us where we were en route.



I always go through a form of reverse culture shock when I re-enter the U.S. But this time was different. I was leaving at a time of unspeakable need. On a luxury plane! Thankfully there were about 10 different newspapers in the plane from the past few days, so all we did the whole trip was read the paper and then trade with someone else. Before I knew it, we were landing. None of our families knew that we were coming home because communication was too difficult and our flight out wasn't a guarantee.

So first thing I did after landing was call my dad.
*ringing, ringing*

"Hey honey I'm in a meeting I'll call you back in a second."

I thought: *WHAT?!?! A MEETING? Wow, I thought you'd be a little happier to hear from me.*
I said: "oh... ok. well... I just wanted to tell you I'm in Florida."

Then he realized it was me. His voice caught for a second and then, gasped. (He thought it was my mom calling.) But, of course, once he found out it was me, we talked. Even though I was still wishing I was in Haiti, I know my parents were glad I was safely on American soil.

The meeting that my dad was in was with Andre Clemons, Joey Arceneaux, and a few of his other colleagues in the oilfield buisness. They were renting a plane to fly down doctors and medical supplies to Global Outreach to assist in the relief efforts. And they did. That plane flew out almost one week later, delivering much needed help to those people. These men mean so much to me, and some of them I haven't even met. They just knew that I was there, which made it more personal to them. Some of them have only met my dad once, but God used those relationships to further His kingdom and save His people.

After a quick phone conversation with my parents and a text to some friends that I knew would spread the word that I was home safe, I got my luggage and headed to the main airport. We then had to figure out how to get to the Miami International Airport (MIA) so that we could get home. The cheapest form of transportation for 10 people was a stretch limo. REALLY? a limo! So, you're saying that I just left the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, in its time of greatest desperation, on a luxury plane and then was transported from one airport to another in a limo? wow.

We got to the Miami Airport and the group from Kentucky said their goodbyes to go catch their plane. I went to try and get my ticket changed because I was originally supposed to fly the next day. I was still wearing my scrubs because after the earthquake I started wearing them to sleep in, in case I had to wake up fast. I didn't get a chance to change before we flew out. Also, I thought it might help my case some... I was wrong. The lady at the ticket counter told me that my ticket was "invalid" because I "went out of sequence by skipping my PAP to MIA flight."

I did my best to stay calm and dry-eyed, while explaining to her that I had just come from Port Au Prince. Maybe she'd seen it in the news recently? All the flights were canceled because of the huge natural disaster, but maybe she missed that memo.

I finally told her, I didn't care what she had to do, or if I had to pay for the flight, I needed to get home that night. I turned around to see a group of about 5 Haitians standing around me at the counter, waiting for me to finish my conversation with the ticketing agent. They were eager and hopeful to hear good news. Asking me if I knew so-and-so, or had heard from their sister or brother. Thinking maybe of the 2 million people in Port Au Prince, that I had met them post quake. Both hope and despair filling their eyes as they asked their questions. I could see that they all wished they were me, and had been there for the quake, so at least they would be able to try and find their families. But they were stuck with no flights out. I felt them thinking *Why did she leave? How could she do that?* and I agreed, I wish I had been able to stay.

But God had other plans.

My Strong Tower

(Jan 13, 2010)
I barely slept last night. I've never been so scared in my life. I pulled my mattress onto the ground, but was not allowed to sleep outside, where I would have much rather been. It felt like we had an aftershock almost every minute or at least a tremor. I'm not sure what the difference is between the two. I prayed, read the psalms and journaled all night.

When I was little my parents had a rule for my brother, Coleman, and I on Christmas Eve. We were not allowed to get out of bed before daylight on Christmas morning. I'm sure they made this rule so that Coleman, who loves Christmas, would not wake them up at 4:30 ready to open presents. However, I never had a problem with that because I love sleep so much. We always shared a room on Christmas Eve too. So there was one Christmas that Coleman cried, (CRIED!!) because the he thought the sun would never come up and he wanted to get out of bed and open presents. (He was little so there is no need to make fun of him now...)

...This story has a point...

That is how I felt last night. I prayed and prayed that the sun would come up soon, so I could get out of bed and out of this building that felt like it would collapse at any second. I felt like I was in prison in my bed, I was terrified and antsy. With every tremor I felt like my heart dropped into my stomach and I couldn't breathe. I was definitely more scared last night than during the initial 30-45 seconds of shaking. Now I had seen what the earthquake was capable of in the clinic.

So FINALLY at 5am the sun came up and I bounced out of bed and headed to the clinic to find Sheryl Brumley and Susan Bruns, the nurses I was working with. There was no one at the clinic, so we waited until later to open. I found out that the men from the compound were out trying to save a girl that was buried up to her shoulders. It was the daughter of the housekeeper of one of the families on the Global Outreach Compound. (I later found out that she didn't make it.)

This day was really difficult. I spent all day in the clinic and then wrote an email to my dad. I could barely see the computer screen through my tears as I typed at the keyboard. I just needed to tell my dad what was going on. I quickly got really close with the nurses I was working with, but everyone else had family and friends at the compound and I had just met everyone less than 48 hours before the earthquake. I needed my daddy to tell me it was all going to be alright. He wasn't actually there, but my Heavenly Father was and He didn't let me down. Not even for a second.

I will never know how many people saw this email or heard it read out loud in school. My parents sent it to everyone they know and so on and so forth. I got home and found my name on people's facebooks and blogs and I have no idea who they are or how they found out about me. God really used the pain and suffering that I saw that day to make His name great.


On Jan 13, 2010, at 7:52 PM, "Gonzalez, Noelle" noellegonzalez@neo.tamu.edu> wrote:


This has been the hardest day of my life. I don't know how I've made it. God is gracious and faithful and gave me the strength I needed to get through it.
I've been at the clinic for 13 hours today and just left. God gave me the strength I needed to make it through, but as soon as I left I started crying and I am still weeping as I write. I don't even know where to begin, but please just pray for rest tonight and strength tomorrow. I barely got any sleep last night because of the tremors. Everything that I felt or heard scared me and I thought we were going to have another one. There have been some significant tremors today as well, but its less scary if you are up and able to run outside quickly. I just feel trapped in my bed and I would prefer to sleep outside, but I don't know that would help my worries that much. Whenever I'm not in the clinic or working on something I am scared and emotional.
I know that all of us here on the compound are suffering to some extent from Post traumatic stress. We were flooded with patients yesterday as soon as the shaking stopped. I have never seen such pain and suffering. I pray that I will never have to see that much trauma ever again.
I'm thankful that we are safe and that we are not in PAP because we would be completely overrun and I don't know that I have the strength to deal with that.
I KNOW the Lord was my strength and shield today and yesterday and will be tomorrow. I know that at least one man that we treated yesterday died in the night and a lady that we have been caring for since 11am this morning died about 2 hours ago. We all gathered around and prayed over her and her boyfriend as she died, and I can't even begin to express the pain felt in that room. The only thing that gives me strength and hope is that I know where my strength and hope lies.
Its easy to think that the worst is over, but there is so much need and devastation that I don't know how we could ever begin to help them all. All of them need hospitals, but the few hospitals that survived the quake are overrun by people. On top of that those that could get to a hospital don't have money to pay for care. we don't know what to do with the woman that died in the clinic tonight because her boyfriend doesn't have the money to pay to have her moved or buried. I assisted in 3 major surgeries today and I know there will be more to come.
I don't know if you've been watching CNN, but they keep showing a picture of a boy covered in cement ash. That is what most of our patients look like. They have cement embedded in their wounds and a nearby flour mill exploded, so many of our patients are covered in burns, cement dust, and flour.
Please pray for strength. I've heard that we are supposed to get 2,000lbs of medical supplies tomorrow on an airplane and we are praying that there will be orthopedists and anesthesiologists on that plane as well, because even with supplies that doesn't make us surgeons. We've splinted countless legs and arms and sewed up as many wounds as you can count. We don't have the anesthesia necessary to help these people adequately, so they are going through an incredible amount of pain. I know the Lord is with these people because there is no way that they could have survived short of a miracle. Many people have not heard about their families. The 4 Haitian doctors that have been a complete miracle and blessing from the Lord have not been able to hear from their families and they are all very worried. They might go tomorrow to see if they can locate their families, so please be praying for them and for us if they are missing from the clinic tomorrow.

I don't know what else to say other than Pray pray pray. Pray for:
-strength for us as we open our clinic doors again tomorrow. (sometimes that's the hardest part. We are ok when we are working, but the anticipation of knowing what's coming can be the worst.)
-rest for me and the rest of the team and the entire country. Every time I lay down I get scared and can feel the aftershocks. And when I do sleep I have earthquake dreams. We just had a pretty significant aftershock 10 minutes ago (8:30 our time here in Haiti), but I feel tremors almost every minute or so.
-Pray for peace and safety for those left in the cold tonight with no where to stay (its a very cold night considering that we are in Haiti.)
-Pray for those still buried that are alive and for the families of those that have not heard from their loved ones and those that have loved ones that have died.

I love you all. This has been a horrific 30 hours, but I know that the Lord is my rock and redeemer. He is my strength and my shield, and he is my strong tower that no earthquake can shake.


I will try and update tomorrow. Please send to all. feel free to update my facebook
Love you and I wish you were here to hug me!

P.S. If anyone has information about Gersan and Betty and their church and Pascal and Dorthy I would love to know that they are all alright. I am praying for them, but if I could get specifics that would be great too. I heard that Gersan and Betty are ok, but not about my other friends and their church. Also if anyone has talked with those in Limbe I'd love to hear that too. I know that was probably far enough away that they are ok, but I'd still like to know.

The 2,000 pounds of medical supplies didn't come when I was there. Neither did the doctors. But thanks be to God, He supplied what we needed when we needed it. Whether it was bandages, gloves, small hands to fit in the only (tiny) gloves we had left, grace, peace, love, wisdom, or strength.

And Then God Spoke

Psalm 29:8- "The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning. The voice of the Lord shakes the desert;"




(January 12, 2010)

A 7.0 Mag earthquake hit Legone, Haiti at 4:53pm Haitian time.

5 minutes later, I was in the clinic. That's when I realized how bad it really was. I was able to call my parents and leave a message via skype phone, but all that got through of my message was "Hi.... Earthquake.....I'm OK.... Love you."

I sent this email that night to my parents...


I am OK!!

Praise the Lord. All those on our team here are doing well. Please pray for those in PAP and out here where I am. We have been working nonstop since it happened and we can't even begin to help with this magnitude of need. Please pray for all those injured and keep us all in your prayers. I've never been through an earthquake, but I think that was a pretty monstrous one. We keep feeling tremors so please keep that in your prayers also.

I am here for a reason. Praise the Lord. "And who knows but that you have come to this position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

Please forward this message to all.
I Love you all dearly
Noelle

...and the emails started flying. I don't think I'll ever truly know how many people were praying for me during that time and for the past 6 months. My parents and friends from camp sent emails to everyone they knew and posted updates on facebook, those people sent updates to everyone they knew, and so on. I know for a fact that people in multiple continents were praying for me and for the Haitian people.

Last night I was truly scared again. I felt like I was back in Haiti, in my little bunk bed, falling asleep the night before the earthquake, but this time, I knew what was coming. I knew how scary it was going to be. I knew people were going to bleed and die in my arms, I knew that I'd have Post Traumatic Stress for the next 6 months, I knew I'd call my mom at least once a week crying so hard I could barely talk, I knew I wouldn't sleep well for another couple months, I knew how stressful it would be and that I'd end up with gray hair, I knew my life would be changed forever...

Its hard to think that its been 6 months since the earthquake and that the majority of people in the world won't even give it a fleeting thought. Sometimes I feel so selfish for asking for so much prayer this past semester. I mean, I didn't lose my house, my leg, or any family members. There are hundreds of thousands of people that DID. Some lost all 3!

My thoughts are kind of jumbled right now, but one thing my mom reminded me of last night is something I told her 6 months ago in an email...

"I know that the Lord is my rock and redeemer. He is my strength and my shield, and he is my strong tower that no earthquake can shake."

That night, 6 Months ago, I read Psalm 23-34. I felt like a terrified little sheep in need of a shepherd, so I started in Psalm 23. Then I kept reading. I encourage you to read through that passage again. It was really encouraging!

I'll write much, much more about what really happened and circumstances of the earthquake later. I'll also write a lot about how God has used that to glorify Himself. Just not today. Stay tuned.

Please keep Haiti and its people in your prayers!