I must be dreaming?!

*Disclaimer* The beginning of this post may sound negative or like I'm complaining... stick with me. I'm not.... Please give it a chance before you start to scroll or scan like I know we all do when we read semi-interesting blogs. Thank you.


I will walk the stage to graduate in 38 days and receive that scroll of paper that says that I've done something worthwhile for the last 3.5 years of my life. I will forever be able to describe myself as having a "B.S Health Education" degree.... Which is kind of what it is.
They (whoever the infamous "they" refers to) told me I could go places. At my New Student Conference they said this would be the best degree I could choose. It would open a world of doors for me and I could do anything I wanted to do!
Well, sign me up!

Here I am graduating. I can't get a job with this degree. They totally lied. I have to go BACK to school to get a Nursing degree if that's what I want to do.

Don't get me wrong. I'm totally excited about going back to school. I've known all along I was going to go back to school, so I'm not shocked or anything. I am just in a strange place in life right now.

Strangely awesome that is.

As I walked into class today I had a weird feeling in my stomach. I'm almost finished here. I had to shake my head to see if I was dreaming.

I thought about my freshman year. I always looked at the seniors and thought they knew everything. They had their lives together. They were pros at this because they'd been through it already.

I laughed thinking how I was half right and all wrong. Here I am, a Senior. Graduating in a teeny bit over a month... far from knowing anything.

In 38 days I will officially have a bachelor's degree. I've learned so much during my time at Texas A&M. I wouldn't take it back for the world. I have learned about science, and health. I have written countless lab reports and taken what feels like a million tests, but what I have learned the most about is love.

How to love God.
How to love people.

Those lessons are more valuable than anything I ever learned about healthy eating or a benzene ring.

When I walk that stage and receive my diploma, switch my tassel on my cap to the other side, and flip around my Aggie Ring those lessons will not be over.
(Good thing too because I can still use a lot of work in both those areas.)

What's next?

I.
Have.
No.
Clue.

I'm applying for nursing school. But there is always the possibility of not getting in. Either way I have January-June that are totally blank in my planner. 6 Months. 26 weeks. 178 days. Half a year.

I have finally stopped panicking about it.
The closer it gets the more relaxed I am. WHAT?!?!?

I went through a few weeks where I was crying and panicked and frustrated and scared about the possibilities and the uncertainties. Finally I reached a point where I came to the absolute end of myself. After months of begging God to work something out or make something happen or find me a way to get back to Haiti or let me know what I'm supposed to do next semester I finally got it.

I realized my mistake.

I trust God with my eternity. With my life and death forever. With my eternal SOUL!!!!

But I didn't trust Him to take care of January. Or February. Or March...

How silly. What a fool I am.

God's got this under control. He just wants me to be willing. And I am. I'm hoping that His plan includes me loving children in Haiti for 6 months.

But if His plan is for me to scrub toilets in the Evan's Library, or pick up trash on the highway, or simply continue to serve coffee to stressed out college students for a semester then I'll trust that. And I'll use the opportunities He provides to continue my education of loving Him and loving people.

Grumpasaurus

Who likes to people watch?

I definitely do. I love watching people in the coffee shop as the interact and study and I love watching everyone the first week of classes when the freshman are trying to find buildings and classes. Its so cute to watch them walk around with their maps and ask people where the academic building, or Rudder, or the Chemistry building it.

I spent a lot of time in the airport yesterday. I passed the time by people watching.

Oh. My. Goodness.

People in the airport are Grump-y!

-Some people RUN through the airport trying to catch their plane and push people out of their way.
-Some people ride those carts with the drivers who try to run you down and shout at the last minute " 'Scuse the cart!" or simply make honking noises with their mouths... (weird)
-Some people push and shove to try and get in line to board first. Even if they are in boarding group 4, they try to get in at the same time as the first class people. I don't understand that. You have in your hand a ticket that says "19C". They aren't going to give your chair away. Relax!
-Once I sat down the wiggling started. Thankfully the chair immediately next to me was vacant and the guy on the other side was asleep the whole time. However, the man in front of me and the man behind me were total wiggle bugs. I think the man behind me may have been mad about something because there is no way someone could "accidentally" kick my chair every 30 seconds for 2.5 hours. Good thing I wasn't trying to nap.
-No wonder flight attendants are so rude. They deal with rude people every day. Even the most positive person in the world would be worn out after a week of that job.

All this to say.

My goal of yesterday was to be optimistic and cheery.
I think I succeeded.

I tried to smile at everyone and just be relaxed and cheerful. It made my trip so much more enjoyable.

Next time you travel give it a try!

What's your best travel story? Best flight? Worst fiasco? Grumpiest flight attendant? Screaming baby or seat kicker?

God,

You are so big. You love me to the moon and back again. I'm so glad you hold my future. You are the only one I trust with it. And I do trust you.

Monsters

Pop quiz: What is this blue stuff?

If you guessed that it is a close-up of Cookie Monster's hair you are.....

WRONG.

This is a picture of the teeny tiny microscopic monsters that cause Cholera.

These monsters are running wild in Haiti right now. Cholera is spread by the injection of contaminated water. According to Google health Cholera occurs mostly in places with poor sanitation, crowding, and famine. That describes Haiti's tent cities to a T.

The World Health Organization defines cholera as "an extremely virulent disease. It affects both children and adults and can kill within hours." These bacteria attach to the small intestine and produce a toxin causing massive amounts of diarrhea, vomiting, and water loss. The result is death by dehydration. Those most at risk are the young, the old, and the malnourished. However, there hasn't been an outbreak in Haiti in several decades. This means that there is basically no immunity to the germ in anyone. This outbreak has claimed the lives of almost 200 and infected almost 2,300 in a matter of about a day and a half. There is more to come. It is not difficult to treat if you have access to the right antibiotics and clean water, but those are both rare finds in Haiti.

With the rainy season in Haiti it becomes harder to obtain a clean source of water and thus aids the spread of the disease. This is not just localized in Port-Au-Prince, but has started in the countryside. However, it travels fast and shows no mercy.

Join with me in praying for these beautiful people. Once again I find it hard not to be there with them. It makes me realize all that I have. I never think twice about whether the water that I drink contains toxin-releasing monsters that are going to invade my intestines and cause me to poop so much that I die. I only notice when it tastes bad because its full of minerals. I don't go to bed hungry and wake up just hoping that I'll get one meal the next morning. But they do.

For more information on this read Dr. Jen's blog. (working in Haiti at Heartline ministries.) She has posted a lot of useful info on this subject.


I pray for the people of Haiti tonight. Give them peace. Work a miracle and kill these Cholera monsters. Hold your people tonight. Comfort them, show them your love.

Be with those who are caring for the sick. Give them strength and endurance to work long hours in less than ideal situation. This is not a glamorous disease to care for. Its sad and stinky. Give them an extra dose of grace and mercy. Pour your love into their hearts so they can love the your people. Protect them from illness.

Save the beautiful souls of Haiti. Let them cry out to you. Hear their cries. Save them from more death and misery. You are God. This is your plan. This is your time. I only see a small piece of the puzzle. You see the masterpiece. Make this tragic place beautiful again. Turn these broken hearts into a glorious mosaic for your glory. Make Haiti love you.

I trust you.

Amen.

Noelle in a Nutshell

So I've been writing emails to different organizations recently to see what opportunities there are for me in Haiti. The more I write these the more I learn about myself I think. I think I've currently contacted almost 20 organizations so far and one has expressed real interest, but the jury is still out on if its where God wants me. I'm still waiting on a response for one and the others were either, 'no not now,' or they simply never replied to me. Which is fine, I'm sure they are all great organizations, maybe I got the wrong email address. I'm trying to give up being frustrated with third world non-profits in the Caribbean because there is no concept of time :)

I was planning on writing an email a few weeks ago and tried to come up with how to explain myself well to someone that I know, but don't know well. This is a woman that has a wonderful blog. Read it here. I read her blog. I love her blog. She is real. honest. funny. beautiful. from college station. and now lives in Haiti. (I wish I was all those things.) So while I feel like I know her super well she does not know me well at all. She and her husband Aaron just moved to Haiti and have a vision for a ministry called Mosaic Village. Which, if you read about it is just what I've been praying for.


So here is my not-so-short description of myself:


I have known Jesus as my Savior since I was 4 years old. I have loved Him deeply since I was about 13. I have not always loved Him well. Currently I am more in love and astounded by His greatness than I ever have been, but looking forward to knowing and loving Him more. God has done so much healing in my deeply broken heart this summer.

I have worked at a summer camp that hosts children ages 8-12 for the past 7 years. I love kids. All shapes, sizes and races. I love laughing with children and I never cease to be amazed at what they teach me.

I have struggled deeply with health issues for many, many years. I think that is part of why I decided to be a health major. Some of my health problems are because I was not responsible with my body, and some are because I am genetically predisposed to having a wacky body. Currently I am focused on changing the way I eat, the way I move, and the way I view my health issues. If I'm being totally honest, this is a very difficult aspect of my life. I've given up too many times to count. Today I am optimistic, we'll see about tomorrow.

When I was 8 I read a book about Mother Theresa. Since then I have wanted to do medical missions in a third world country.

In December 2007 I went to Haiti on a mission trip. If I have ever felt at home in a place it was then. I didn't ever want to come home. Every time I leave Haiti I leave a bigger part of my heart there. This past trip my whole heart was ripped right out of me and then shredded up. Piece by tiny piece my Savior knit me back together again.

I hope and pray that I will be a Haitian resident from January-May2011. My goals for when I am there are not to change lives or save the country although both of those would be stellar! I am praying that I will form real relationships. I want to love. I have been, and continue to be, so healed and filled by Christs' love, and I want to pour that out on others. I want to be a blessing to just one person. If it takes 5 months to bless someones' life then, so be it. If all I do is scrub toilets or change diapers for 5 months-then fine! I want to be a blessing.

Dream come true- I would spend 5 months holding babies while playing with toddlers while chatting it up with 5 year-olds while hanging out with teens and other Haitian nannies. I would love to love children as Jesus did while He was on earth.

I have a family that would support me through anything. They care deeply and give me their opinions on absolutely everything, but in the end I know its because they love me and want me to be safe. I think they would support me in almost anything excluding changing my name to Earl and becoming a hillbilly in Tennessee.

I have fantastic friends. Each knowing me, challenging me, and encouraging me in slightly different ways. I love them all. Some live 10 steps away from me, some live 10 states away. Thank goodness for technology.

I love to laugh well. I didn't genuinely laugh for a good 3 months after the earthquake and it was really a big step when I was able to be joyful and silly again. What a gift it is to have a heart that can rejoice and sing!

I'm passionate about people. I want to love God's people.

Before

I loved Haiti before the earthquake
I have a strong passion for those people
I love them
I want to be with them
What is God going to do with that?
Am I going to be there forever?
I don't know.
Would I like to be?
I don't know. "Yes?" "Maybe?"

I know that its going to work out.

Cynthia

I met her the Thursday after the earthquake. I think she was around 6 years old.
Her leg was badly hurt in the earthquake.
Her entire family (Father, Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, and Grandma) about 12 total were in a tap-tap accident on the way to the clinic. The driver and one passenger were killed.
Trauma after trauma after trauma.
When the 12 of them arrived, most of them were in hysterics.
Not Cynthia. She was so strong. Her leg was wrapped up in what looked like old ripped up jeans. I started to unwrap it while the other nurses took care of the other family members. She winced and looked up at me with her big dark eyes. Instant friends.
Something about us connected.
In my limited Kreyol I told her I was here to help. I knew it hurt. I was sorry to hurt her, but I was helping.
Trust.
As she clung to the dolly we gave her with one hand and held my ankle with the other I unwrapped her leg. She would squeeze when it hurt too much and I would stop and try to be more careful, or talk to her and take my mind off of it. She would only let the others look at it if I were around or if I told her it was ok. She said she wanted 'her nurse.'

As I unwrapped her leg I found hangers, I assumed for splinting. Strange herbal looking plants I assumed were for padding, maybe pain or inflammation? ..... and Money. Immediately I knew where they had been before coming to our clinic. It wasn't a regular doctor.
I called the other nurses to come look at it and they confirmed.

We got Cynthia re-wrapped and splinted straight. She told me the most pain was not in her leg, but in her abdominal area. My heart sank. I had to look away from her eyes. Internal injuries. Less than 24 hours before I had held a woman as she died because we could not help her recover from her internal injuries. I wanted to sit and weep for my new friend Cynthia.

Later she had to leave.


I wish I could know what happened to her. I want to love children like her. We had a connection without real communication.

Why is that in my heart? Is it so that others may know and pray for Haiti? Am I a single girl now so I can pursue loving children in Haiti at this stage in my life?

Am I forcing this? Should I wait to be the EXACT person they are looking for? Or should I GO, and then love and show love for whomever I'm with?

I think all these thoughts are so difficult because I know its going to be heartbreaking. Its going to be one of the hardest things I've done in my life up to this point.

And I'm going to be alone.
But God will be with me.
I want it to work out.
I want it to be great.
I want to love children.

I want to love Christ.

Peacefully I know it will work out. I just wish I knew. But God's plans are better than my own.

I loved Haiti before. So did God.
This didn't catch him by surprise. Before the beginning of the world He knew the names of all those who died. He knew that it would happen at exactly 4:53pm on January 12th, 2010.
He knew the number of hairs on the heads of the survivors that would turn gray.
(So far my "new grays since January" count is up to 6.)
He knew every tear that would be cried. Not just by me, but by the millions of people who would cry for Haiti.

He loved them first. It was in His plan. Maybe to turn that nation that forsook him to trust in Him. His love is extravagant!

Neat.

Wordle makes word clouds of popularly used words in a selection.

How neat.

This is what I blog about.
(Its neat because it opened up my eyes to what I blog about statistically.)

Enjoy.






love noelle.